feeling bad in ohio
Pittsburgh was good. lots of just sitting around shootin the shit. i found a better way to drive down here, it follows the Allegheny river along the Allegheny national forest. it's freakin great. it's beautiful and hilly and there are all these shabby workin class vacation cabins. and it smells like dirt and trees. much better than the interstate and it takes the same amount of time.
on the way through farm country i came to a trailer park. along the highway there was some strange looking vehicle truckin along on the shoulder. as it turns out, it was an old guy on a motorized wheel chair pulling a grown-ass man in a little red wagon. it was so strange.
my sister graduated law school, so the whole family was in Dayton for the ceremony and a little party afterwards. my family is so stressful. i think most people experience stress with family. holy shit. my mom says really inconsiderate things. that's what upsets me the most, when people are inconsiderate of those around them, especially when it's family or someone they care for. we gave her a day at a spa for mother's day and we all signed it. her response to us was something to the effect of, 'oh, peter and martin are broke, i bet they didn't contribute.' well no shit, we're both way broke, but that's not the polite response to a gift. what the fuck.
emily is great and i love her, but damn does she always leave me feeling like i'm letting her down. martin and i talked about how we constantly feel like we're fucking up and not doing things the right way. not doing it wrong, but not good enough or the correct thing at the correct time. as a result i just felt shitty and guilty for most of saturday. stressful. we ended up hanging out more afterwards and went down to Cincinnati for brunch with blue on sunday. that was better and felt more normal, but we just don't have all that much to talk about. it's difficult for me to come up with things that will interest her. though i don't think i'm a very good conversationalist in general, so that's not too surprising.
it was great seeing my brothers though. well, for the most part. martin kept getting annoyed with me and we had a fairly heated disagreement about personal politics. i felt real bad and took extra care in choosing conversation topics. it's just a lot of work being around my family. lots to constantly think about and feel bad for...