OOC: RP Log Cloud and Leon
Who: Cloud and Leon
What: The dropping of the U from UST
When: Tuesday Jan 15th, 2008
Where: Leon's House
Why: Cause we can.
Also: Rated M for Mature. No witnesses. :| Part 2 of 2. [1 of 2 is here]
It was several hours before Cloud woke up, stretching in place. The house was silent, devoid of the sounds of Leon breathing or pages turning. Had Leon freaked and ran out on him? Panicking slightly, Cloud wildly looked around for some sign of Leon being there. It took a few moments before a slip of paper on the coffee table caught his eye. Reaching out for it, Cloud could feel his heart beating faster, and he prepared himself for the worst.
After reading the note Cloud let out a sigh of relief. Leon hadn't run away. He wasn't sure when the other man would be returning, but he knew he needed to change out of these sticky clothes as soon as possible. Getting off the couch, he checked for stains on the cushions, but finding none, he headed towards Leon's room where his travel bag was still open and waiting on the bed. Rummaging through it, he pulled out the last pair of clean boxers he had, and grabbed a clean t-shirt from Leon's dresser. He took a quick, warm shower, dressed in the boxers and shirt then gathered up all the dirty laundry and started a load in the wash.
Leon was forced to return when it started getting dark, cursing winter for its short days. He half-hoped Cloud would be gone when he arrived, but he knew that was a bad idea; they needed to talk. So when he stepped inside and saw Cloud rummaging around in his fridge, his sigh was a weird blend of relief and anxiety. Then he noticed what the blond was dressed in, or lack thereof. He grunted to let him know he was there and turned around to go back to his room and kick off his shoes.
When Leon returned, Cloud changed his thought from food for one to food for two. He was nowhere near as good a cook as Leon was, but his cooking was edible. The buzzer on the washer went off and Cloud shut the fridge, his mind still working over the contents, trying to make a choice. He switched the clean clothes over to the dryer and started it before heading back to the fridge.
Leon was surprised to notice Cloud doing the laundry. He was surprised by how at home the man had made himself, really, after what had just happened between them. Unless he wasn't bothered by it at all. Which, Leon realized with a small groan, was just going to make this entire experience worse.
He headed back to the kitchen in a fresh shirt and settled down at the table, then leaned a little to see what Cloud was doing. "What are you looking for?"
"I haven't eaten anything all day. I'm starving," Cloud replied. "You hungry?"
Starving too, actually. Leon nodded. "I think most of the stuff in there has to be prepared."
"I know, I was looking for something I could cook." He glanced over at Leon, "I can cook, not as good as you can, but it's edible."
Leon didn't think he cooked all that well, and frowned if Cloud's was bad in comparison. "Well, what's in there?"
Cloud listed off several different things, none of which sparked an idea of something he could cook. "Or we could order in again."
"What could we order?" Nothing in particular sounded good right now, at least nothing actually edible, but Leon was hungry. He sat back in his seat and looked at Cloud for an answer.
"I don't know." Cloud shrugged and looked in the fridge again, finally spotting a package of bacon. "How's bacon sandwiches sound?" He set the package on the counter and dug out a tomato and some lettuce, setting those on the counter as well. It was impossible to mess up bacon.
Leon shrugged. "Fine." He got up to find the bread and set it next to Cloud's ingredients for him. "Do you need anything else?" He was trying very hard not to think about how close they were standing again.
"Mayo. Mustard too, if you like that on yours." Cloud got to the task of cooking the bacon, deeply breathing in the scent. He hardly noticed how close Leon was, he was too focused on getting the food cooked so he could eat.
Nodding, Leon moved to dig out the aforementioned condiment, setting it down again beside the rest of the food. He leaned against the counter to watch Cloud work and debated whether or not to talk now, or after they each had some food in him. He was leaning more and more towards the food idea.
As he cooked, Cloud kept glancing over at Leon out of the corner of his eye. During one particular glance he jumped back with a hiss, shaking his finger a moment before bringing it up to his mouth. He sucked on it as he walked over to the sink and turned on the cold water. Once it was cool enough, he stuck his finger under the water. "Can you go flip the bacon?" he asked Leon, tilting his head towards the stove.
Leon took the fork and flipped the food, glancing at Cloud in concern halfway through his task. "Did you burn yourself, or did the grease get you?"
"The grease," Cloud replied. He didn't see how that was any different from getting burnt, but he wasn't going to argue something pointless like that.
Leon had only been curious. He nodded, keeping an eye on the bacon until it was done, and then flipped off the heat and gathered a plate and paper towels to move the food to.
Drying off his hand, the grease burn a dull pain in his finger, Cloud grabbed the tomato and sliced it up. He then tore several leaves of lettuce off the head then ran them under water before replacing the head in the fridge. He set the vegetables on another plate and grabbing a butter knife took them and the mayo to the table.
Leon, in the meantime, pressed the bacon before bringing it and the bread to the table, then got them each glasses of ice water. He sat across from Cloud and tried to keep his attention focused solely on his task as he made his first sandwich.
Cloud grabbed the may first, spreading it across his bread, then added the lettuce and tomato. He reached for the bacon at the same time as Leon, their fingers lightly brushing each other. He did his best to ignore it. He needed to eat before he could think about doing any more of that, plus he wasn't entirely sure how Leon felt about it.
Leon felt himself flush, and cursed his body for it as he finished his sandwich and took a bite. He'd never felt as awkward with Cloud as he did now.
Cloud noticed Leon's reaction, but chose not to point it out in favor of eating his sandwich. He focused on his meal, reaching to prepare a second sandwich when he finished his first.
Leon finished at about the same time, but opted to take a long drink of his water instead of risk making another with Cloud's hands everywhere. When he was certain they wouldn't accidentally touch again, he began preparing his own. He just wasn't good with physical contact, especially after so much of it.
Noticing Leon's tactics of avoiding making a sandwich at the same time, Cloud raised an eyebrow and studied him curiously. "Is everything okay?" he asked before taking a bite of the sandwich.
"Fine," Leon told him, eyes on his task. "You?"
Cloud studied Leon a moment longer before shrugging and answering the question. "Yeah, fine."
"Are you staying another night?"
"I don't know... I can," Cloud replied, leaving off the if you want me to with the assumption that it was already implied.
Leon glanced at him. "Do you have somewhere else to be?"
"I'll probably have deliveries in the morning." Cloud didn't particularly want to leave tonight if he didn't have to. Not if the rising tension between them was going to heed similar results to this morning.
"How early?" Leon wasn't thinking about sharing a bed with the man again, he was completing his sandwich, which he then took a rather large bite of.
"It's my own business," Cloud replied. "I can start as early or as late as I want so long as I get the work done when I tell my clients I'll have done by." Cloud finished eating his sandwich and considered making a third. Given that he hadn't eaten anything else all day, he decided it wouldn't hurt and started making another sandwich.
Leon finished his sandwich a little more slowly than the first, now that the edge was gone from his hunger, and mulled over Cloud's words. "When do you want to work on the hovercraft?" No matter what he ended up saying to the blond later, he wanted him to know they were still friends.
"This weekend, if we can get everything needed for it by then." Cloud ate his third sandwich more slowly then the first two, pausing to take a few long drinks of the ice water.
Leon nodded and began picking at the leftover bacon. "I'll talk to Cid and see what he has lying around."
Cloud nodded as he bit into his sandwich. If it didn't get done this weekend, he knew there was always next weekend. "Let me know if there's anything we need? I can try and pick it up on my way out this weekend."
"All right." Leon moved on to the spare tomatoes. "It's not enormous, it probably won't take much."
Noticing Leon picking at the food, Cloud wondered why he hadn't just made another sandwich if he was going to keep eating. He nodded and they sat there in silence for several minutes. It was awkward, but not in a particularly bad way. It was becoming more and more clear that what had happened earlier needed to be talked about, but Cloud certainly didn't have any clue what to say, so he waited for Leon to say something.
Leon, however, had no idea what to say either, so he briefly contemplated picking at the lettuce before deciding against it and rising to take care of the dishes. One plate of leftovers wasn't so bad.
Clouds eyes were drawn to Leon as he got up from the table. He watched as Leon moved to the sink, blushing as he noticed the belts, recalling the conversation he'd had with Matt. "About earlier..." he started then quickly trailed off, not sure where to go from there.
Leon grunted over the sound of the running water. "Sorry."
"Sorry?" Cloud asked, obviously confused.
"It was a momentary loss of control," Leon said evenly, very carefully keeping his eyes on the sink in front of him. He hoped it really had been momentary, and not something that would try and take him over again. "It won't happen again."
"Oh." Cloud sounded disappointed and he slumped back in his chair. While Matt had been right about the tension, Cloud had been right about it leaving things awkward between them - which it would be so long as whatever this was remained one-sided.
Leon glanced back at him, a light frown gracing his features at the blond's tone. "What were you going to say about it."
"I don't know... but not that. I didn't think it was a mistake," Cloud replied, gazing intently at Leon.
Leon met his eyes for a moment before he had to look away. "You hardly even know me, Strife, and I hardly know you. I'm not a rebound."
"A rebound?" Cloud asked, his features scrunching in confusion.
"Someone who 'feels good'," Leon said with a dismissive wave of his hand, keeping himself from turning around again. "You're not one either. It's a bad idea."
"I didn't say you were." Cloud glared at Leon's back. "Do you think I'm that stupid that I'd think of it like that after you scolded me about it the other day?"
"I was trying to help you," Leon bit back, clenching a fist on the counter and turning to glare at him. "Letting us do that would be doing just the opposite."
"I know you were. I never said you weren't. I don't want to make mistakes like that again. How long do I have to think about something before it's considered not spur of the moment? I know I don't know your entire life history, but it's not for lack of trying. I want to get to know you and have been trying to, even if I haven't always been aware of the why behind it, but you won't let me in. You're a castle wall Leon - I can chip away all I want, but I'm not going to be able to get in until you throw me a rope." If this conversation had happened a day ago, Cloud wouldn't have been aware of most of this to be able to say it. A few hours ago, even though he knew it, he hadn't been able to put it into words, and here he was saying everything on his mind, whether he had known it to be there or not.
Leon stared. This conversation was eerily familiar to him, and he did not want to go through it again, especially considering his past reactions to it. For a minute, though, he wasn't sure how to react. It sounded like Cloud wanted something more than just casual, which was even worse, and something he still didn't have a good excuse for. So he turned back to the sink again and turned off the water so he wouldn't waste it. So what if he looked like an ass, it would be better for the both of them in the long run.
"No."
"No? No? How can you respond to all of that with just a no? What are you saying no to?" Cloud slammed his hand down on the table, irritated that Leon couldn't even face him. "And look at me if you're going to say that!"
Glaring, Leon turned and leaned against the sink with his arms folded. "No," he repeated, then continued. "What do you think you're doing, Strife? A few days ago just the mention of Kadaj was enough to send you over the edge, and now you want to start something with me? Have you even paused to think for a moment?"
"A few days ago we had a fight about him, I know. And then I stormed out of here and had an entire weekend to think about it." Granted he hadn't really thought about the Leon part of things until last night. "Do you know how much time I've wasted thinking about things that can't be changed? How many opportunities I missed because I was too caught up in my own head to notice what was right in front of me? I'm tired of watching everyone else live life while I sit and think. How long am I supposed to think about a relationship that wasn't healthy before I should consider one that could be?" Cloud was shaking with frustration and anger as he spoke, never once tearing his eyes away from Leon. "You know, I didn't see you stopping what was happening on the couch. You should have said no then."
If the word relationship hadn't startled Leon, Cloud's next words certainly did. He stiffened, his eyes widening for a moment before they narrowed. "Shut up, Strife," he snapped. "I told you I lost control."
"Lost control?" Cloud laughed a bit hysterically. "No, I'm pretty sure you took control. You're the one that had me pinned beneath you on the couch. Not the other way around."
"You see?" Leon demanded, latching on to Cloud's tone instead of the words behind it. "You see? We shared ten minutes on the couch together, Strife, and you're already upset by the possibility of no more. You just want to be with someone, you don't care who, and that's a rebound, and I'm not one. You need to find someone you can be happy with, not someone stuck here. Stop and think before you try and commit yourself to things, Hyne."
"I see you were in control enough to use your stopwatch," Cloud replied, his voice bitter. "If I didn't care who, I'd have gone to Matt - he's a sure thing. Or I'd have gone down to the bar and tried to pick someone up. Haven't ever done it before, but it can't be too difficult. What makes you think I couldn't be happy with you?" He paused before adding, "Just where is it you're stuck, Leon? Up your own ass?"
"Because I'm not happy, you idiot," Leon hissed angrily, curling his hands against the countertop on either side of him so he would have something to squeeze. "I am stuck, on this world, because mine was destroyed. Yours wasn't. I don't care if you need a place to stay once in a while, but for Hyne sake, don't get attached. This place is falling apart at the seams. Find a real person ready for a real relationship on a real world, and stop trying to settle for sloppy seconds."
"You're only stuck here because you choose to remain stuck here. Or are you telling me you're going to turn into a pumpkin if you leave this one for more than some allotted amount of time? This isn't a prison, Leon. Yeah, you can't go back to the world you came from, but that doesn't mean you're stuck. You could be happy if you just let yourself be happy. But for whatever reason you can't seem to do that." Cloud's tone was less agitated sounding than it had been before, though no less firm.
"This world, that world, it doesn't matter," Leon told him angrily, "they're not mine. The happiness you claim I can find anywhere was only there--it's certainly not here. Stop acting like you know what you're talking about."
"Have you even tried to look for happiness here, or are you so stuck on the happiness there that you haven't bothered to find it here?"
"It's not the same."
"Why does it need to be the same? Happiness is happiness no matter what shape it comes in." Cloud shook his head and snorted. Almost more to himself than to Leon, he added, "I sound like Aerith and Tifa when they talk to me right now. What the hell?"
"You've obviously never been happy, then," Leon told him through gritted teeth, "if that's all you think of it."
"I've been happy. Don't even try to say I haven't. So I'm not the best with words. My point is that happiness doesn't dwell in just one thing or place. Stop acting like it does."
"And you'd rather I believe it's just lying around anywhere," Leon said through a snort. "What point are you trying to prove, exactly? That it's hiding in you?" He snorted again, and shook his head. "I'm not even interested in guys. You just caught me at a bad time."
"The point I'm trying to prove is that you're not stuck here, you're stuck back on your world, which just happens to no longer exist." Cloud stood up and moved around the table, stopping several feet away from Leon, but within his line of sight. He snorted and shook his head. "I don't believe you. Caught you at a bad time? No. Catching you at a bad time would be walking in on you touching yourself in the shower. Not you inches from my face leaning in closer and closer while I'm sitting on the couch. And if you're not interested in guys... what was I? Just friction to you?" Cloud pulled off his shirt. "Look Leon. See this? I don't have boobs. My chest," he closed the space between them and grabbed Leon's hand and pressed it to his chest, "doesn't feel womanly, does it? You were rubbing against me while we kissed."
A dark flush heated Leon's cheeks, his anger slipping away to be replaced by a firm sense of embarrassment. He stiffened and tried tugging his hand away without accidentally touching any more of that warm, bare skin. "Stop it, Strife. It was the heat of the moment."
Cloud couldn't believe he was doing this, but he needed to prove to Leon that it wasn't just the moment. If Leon could prove that it was, Cloud would drop it and never bring it up again. He began to slide Leon's hand down his chest, bringing it closer and closer to the waistband of his boxers. He still had the shirt clutched in his other hand. He held the shirt up to Leon's nose. "Smell it. Who does it smell like?"
Leon nearly choked in his haste to stop breathing, but the feel of Cloud's skin beneath his fingers and palm had only quickened it, and as soon as he was forced to take in the man's scent he could feel his body begin to react on its own. Dammit, this wasn't fair--if they hadn't gotten off on each other only that morning Leon might have tried blaming his own deprivation, but as it was he blamed the memories that scent now brought out. He tried to turn his head away, each breath only making it worse. "Dammit, Strife..."
The buzzer on the dryer rang out. "Maybe you're right, maybe you don't like guys." Cloud started to walk away. "That shirt's yours. I borrowed it so I could do my laundry. I'll just get dressed and head on home."
Leon's eyes were stuck glued to Cloud's retreating figure despite himself, drawn to the flicker of movement as muscles worked just beneath the skin. And there was a lot of skin. With a start, he realized again that Cloud was only wearing a pair of boxers, and the knowledge made it difficult to swallow. As did the realization that he was still very aroused. He cursed to himself, his hand balling up the still-warm shirt tightly. This wasn't just from memories. Cloud had done this to him right now.
Cloud slowed down his pace to the laundry room, trying to give Leon a little extra time to make a move. If he didn't follow, then Leon was right, he wasn't into guys and it was some fluke. But if he did follow, Cloud bit down on his lip, trying not to let his thoughts wander too far ahead of him in case it wound up being a very disappointing drive home.
Leon cursed, suddenly feeling very cold and very alone. Which was stupid, because Cloud was very warm and still very near. He glared at the shirt in his hand for a moment before throwing it on the ground in frustration and stomping over it after Cloud. That wasn't fair of the blond to intentionally rile him up like that and then leave.
He caught up with him with the intention to yell at him or something, but as soon as his hand came down on Cloud's shoulder his body used the contact for its own purposes, and he knew he'd just been giving himself an excuse. He was aware, even as he turned him around and forced him up against the washer, that he probably shouldn't be doing this, but as soon as his lips crashed down on Cloud's he couldn't think enough to care.
Cloud's breath caught in the back of his throat as Leon's hand came down on his shoulder. His eyes widened and just as soon as he was able to breath again, Leon had him pinned bodily to the washer, his lips trying to steal that breath away with a kiss. He moaned into Leon's mouth and brought his hands up to Leon's hair, holding him to the kiss.
Leon only pressed closer and kissed harder, his body fitting himself against Cloud's in a way that left no doubt in his mind that he liked guys, or at least this one. He moaned and moved the hand from Cloud's shoulder to tangle in the hair on the back of his neck, the other slipping down to his waist and gripping it firmly.
Sliding one hand out of Leon's hair, Cloud traced it along the curve of his neck, down his spine until it rested even with the belts that were now pressing against his stomach, the leather and metal cool against his skin. He was glad that Leon had him so securely pinned, otherwise he didn't think he'd be able to stand. He bit lightly at Leon's lower lip as he pulled back, breaking the kiss. "What was that you said about not liking guys?" he asked, his tongue darting out to lick his lips.
"Shut up," Leon growled, the words mumbled against Cloud's lips as he leaned forward to kiss him again, his back arching in the wake of the man's fingers. He arched his hips as well, the friction dragging a strangled groan from his throat before he rubbed, suddenly wishing he wasn't wearing so damn much.
The growl Leon made sent a shiver down Cloud's spine and he moaned into the kiss, grinding his hips against Leon's. He brought both hands around and began fumbling with Leon's belts before wondering if it was even necessary to undo them all, they never appeared to be anything but decoration.
For a moment Leon paid no heed to his fumbling, before he realized what was taking so long and broke the kiss to fumble himself. He shivered when his fingers brushed Cloud's, letting him work at whichever belt he'd chosen as he went straight for the one doing up his pants. "This one," he pointed out breathlessly. He was having trouble undoing it.
Cloud bit down on his lip and pushed Leon's hands out of the way once the correct belt was pointed out. He fumbled for a moment but got it undone. He unzipped the jeans then tugged them down, letting them fall to the ground with the weight of the belt. He looked up at Leon and shook his head before pulling him in for another kiss.
Leon was about to form a protest when Cloud pulled him in for another kiss, and he quickly forgot why. Then he pressed against him again and remembered when the remaining belts got in the way. He quickly shoved them down without bothering to undo them, grunting when they caught briefly on his hips but much too preoccupied to care. When they hit the floor he stepped out of them and his pants somewhat awkwardly, a hand flying to Cloud's shoulder to help support himself, and then he was left in a shirt and boxers too, and he gave Cloud a look that said, What next?
Cloud reached for the hem of Leon's shirt and tugged upwards, quickly peeling it off of him and tossing the clothing to the ground. He brought Leon closer, running his hands over the now exposed skin, the well defined muscles moving beneath it. He stole another kiss, unsure of where he wanted to take this, what he wanted to do next. He let his fingers teasingly dip past the edge of Leon's boxers several times.
Leon couldn't stop shivering, fresh ones replacing the old each time Cloud's callused fingers brushed a sensitive spot on his skin. His hands found their way somewhat hesitantly to Cloud's waist, thumbs hooking in the tops of his boxers, then releasing them, then hooking again. He wasn't sure what to do now, this was definitely not his territory. But he wanted to do something, his breath hitched at just the idea, and he didn't want Cloud to think he was reconsidering, so he leaned in and brushed their lips together again, eyes flicking to Cloud's briefly. A moment later he did it again, staying close so he could kiss him gently, because it'd been far too long since he'd done any of this, and he was having a hard time stopping.
It took a moment for the cause of Leon's hesitation to sink in, why he seemed to be stuck at just kissing. Cloud smiled against Leon's mouth, then shifted until Leon was pressed against the dryer. Cloud kissed along his jaw, up to the nook behind his ear, letting his teeth lightly scrape against skin. He brought his hands around to the front of Leon's boxers, one resting on his hip and the other sliding under the fabric, his fingers lightly brushing against sensitive skin before slowly wrapping around and stroking.
Leon's hips bucked, a soft, strangled sound working its way from his throat. A hand shot out to grip Cloud's shoulder in an effort to steady himself, the other gripping the front of the washer tightly, and though he'd been momentary confused as to the reason behind the shift in position, he was glad for it now; his legs might have given out otherwise. The calluses on Cloud's fingers made his touch unexpectedly good, and that coupled with his abstinence made his body particularly receptive. He lowered his mouth to Cloud's shoulder and groaned.
Cloud echoed Leon's groan as the sound vibrated against his skin, the sensation shooting through every inch of his body. He gradually increased the speed of his hand, wanting to push Leon over the edge as quickly as possible, making it impossible for him to deny being interested in men ever again.
Leon released a whimper that, in any other state of mind, would have completely embarrassed him. As it was, though, it only made him realize that he'd fallen behind. He knew what was allowed or whatever now, and his hands began fumbling at Cloud's boxers, desperate to get them off and level the playing field before he lost it completely.
"I'm not going to be able to stand if you do that," Cloud said, hard breaths falling between each word. He didn't particularly want Leon to stop, in fact, he wanted him to continue more than anything.
"Then we should move," Leon panted against his skin, pressing a kiss to it afterwards to give himself something to think about other than the way his own body was all but trembling.
Cloud nodded and slowly pulled away from Leon, taking him by the wrist and all but dragging him to the bedroom. As he climbed onto the bed, still pulling Leon with him, it dawned on him that this was the first time he'd done anything like this in a bed. With Kadaj it had always been pressed against walls or down on the floor - whatever hard surface was available. With Matt it had been on the floor. This morning on the couch had even been a step up. He shivered and pulled Leon in for a kiss, shoving the boxers down his legs for better access so he could continue what he'd started.
Leon kicked them off and tugged down on Cloud's, feeling a little awkward without a definite role in mind, but way too aroused to care. As soon as they were off his fingers fumbled for Cloud's erection, the unfamiliar angle throwing him off a little. He stroked once or twice before glancing up at Cloud to make sure he was doing all right, then kissed him again just because he was there.
Unsure of what that glance Leon gave him was for, Cloud was a bit startled when Leon kissed him again, both of them busy stroking each other, the blanket and mattress soft beneath their knees. With a groan, he closed the space between them, their knuckles brushing against each other with each stroke.
Leon was a little surprised, but hardly in a way that made him want to stop. He glanced down to actually see what he was doing and blushed, but angled his hand a little better and tried concentrating on little things he knew from experience would feel good.
Cloud pressed his cheek against Leon's breathing heavily, whimpers and moans escaping his lips with each new thing Leon tried. Anything that drove him particularly crazy, he reciprocated with his own hand, both trying to get Leon off quicker and show him what things he was enjoying the most - though his mouth was doing a good job of the latter.
Leon's breath hitched each time Cloud manipulated his hand after he did, the sensation somehow utterly foreign when he wasn't doing it to himself. He braced his free hand against the bed and tried to keep from toppling over, growing closer and closer with each passing moment, his hips thrusting into Cloud's hand all on their own.
Tilting his head, Cloud lightly bit Leon's earlobe, swirling his tongue around the tiny silver stud he'd never really noticed before. He moaned around the metal, thrusting into Leon's hand while increasing the pace with his hand on Leon.
Leon shuddered, his body stiffening as he came suddenly, hips arching forward and a low moan rolling from his throat. He leaned heavily against Cloud and gasped for breath, nuzzling him in the immediate afterglow, and struggled to keep his eyes open long enough for Cloud to join him.
Cloud pulled back from Leon's ear as sticky fluid spilled onto his hand, a satisfied smirk playing at the corners of his lips. The expression faltering as he came moaning Leon's name. He fell backwards, panting and pulling Leon down on top of him, kissing the corner of his lips.
Shivering, Leon followed bonelessly, his eyes only opening halfway as he nuzzled and kissed Cloud back lazily. He wasn't sure what to do with his soiled hand, though, and debated rubbing it on the sheets, but was unsure if he wanted to have to wash them right away.
Without a second thought, Cloud wiped his hand on the bedding then brought the same hand around to Leon's back, holding him close as they kissed. He was content with the fact that Leon no longer had any ground to stand on as far as his orientation went.
Frowning a little, Leon pulled away long enough to follow suit, then shifted so that he was lying half on his side against Cloud's rather than crushing the slightly smaller man beneath him. The more he regathered himself, the more he wondered what the hell had come over him again. So he was a little interested in Cloud. So what. It didn't mean they should be doing this together, especially right now. Sighing heavily, he leaned his forehead against Cloud's shoulder and struggled to finally even out his breath. The smell of the man all around him was making any logical thought process rather difficult.
The loss of Leon's body atop his paired with the frown he witnessed was enough to worry Cloud. Had he gone too far? Had he pushed Leon into doing something he really hadn't wanted to do? He idly ran his hand along Leon's side, trying to keep as much contact with him for as long as possible. A feeling of impending loss was growing in the pit of his stomach, his mind suddenly jumping to the way Kadaj would always leave shortly afterwards, leaving Cloud to just his thoughts.
Leon's skin twitched at the contact, still made oversensitive from before. It was quickly followed by a shiver, and Leon pushed himself away from Cloud completely so that he could pull back the sheets and crawl under them. He held them up for the blond with a glance. "Coming?" He wanted to think, but right now he didn't want to do it someplace alone.
At first, Cloud had thought Leon was trying to get away from him, but once Leon spoke, Cloud's brain caught up with him and he crawled in under the blankets next to him. He wasn't sure if Leon would want to snuggle or not - he'd been odd about it the other day when they'd woken up accidentally snuggling. Deciding to leave it up to Leon, he positioned himself very close to him, but without overlapping their bodies any.
Having never actually had to learn how to initiate physical contact before, Leon didn't think to now, finding Cloud's warmth just beside him to be more than enough. He settled down comfortably on his back and sighed, pillowing his head on his hand and resting the other on his stomach to he could stare at the ceiling and think. He didn't mind whatever Cloud wanted to do, if he wanted to stay awhile or find something else to do, but Leon was pretty sure he was settled for the night.
Cloud was disappointed when Leon didn't move to embrace him. He laid there staring at the ceiling, growing more and more uncomfortable as time passed. It was awkward laying this close to someone and not touching. Sighing, he rolled over onto his side, widening the space between them, the difference in distance enough to relax him. He wasn't particularly tired, so he just laid there listening to Leon breathing.
Leon glanced over at him, the movement breaking him from his light reverie. "Are you all right?"
"I'm fine."
"Tired?"
"No."
Leon frowned. "Then what are you doing?"
"I don't know." Cloud knew, he just wasn't sure how to put it into words.
Leon hesitated, a string of doubts suddenly rolling through his mind. "...Did I do something wrong?"
"No," Cloud said, shaking his head. "You didn't do anything wrong."
Leon let out a small sigh of relief he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "Then what's wrong with you?"
"Nothing's wrong," Cloud replied. "I guess I just felt like laying on my side."
Leon rolled his eyes. "Whatever." As long as he hadn't inadvertently offended him somehow, he supposed the blond was fine.
Cloud was a bit surprised, yet relieved when Leon didn't push the matter. He made a small noise of acknowledgment and allowed his mind to wander off in thought.
Something about Cloud seemed off, but it took Leon several minutes to come up a suitable question. "...Are you sleeping in here tonight?"
"If you want me to," Cloud replied, still not turning to look at Leon. He didn't want to see his face if the answer was no.
Leon looked at him again with a frown. "What do you want."
Cloud was silent a moment before responding. "I want to stay."
"So stay." Leon turned back to the ceiling again, shifting his shoulders until they were comfortable. "You're acting weird. You're the one who pressed that. If you've changed your mind, you should tell me now."
"I haven't changed my mind." Cloud tensed as the other two comments fully sunk in. "How am I acting weird? And I went to get my laundry, you're the one that followed and kissed me."
"Don't even try to pretend you didn't do that on purpose," Leon told him with an irritated glance. "You just are. I don't know. I'm not exactly used to this either."
"I'm not... I know it was on purpose, but don't make it sound like it was all me. I wanted you to want it, but I wanted it to be your choice to do anything." Cloud didn't press matters on the bit about him acting strange, it was too likely to lead to him having to try and explain why he'd moved.
"That wasn't a choice, Strife." Even as he said the words, Leon wondered what the hell he meant by them. After a moment he realized what conclusions Cloud might draw from that and sighed, turning to look at him again. "I didn't mean that the way you probably think I did."
"Then how did you mean them?" Cloud asked, his fist clenching the covers, ready to throw them off and get out of bed if Leon pissed him off.
Leon thought that over for a moment before replying, then honestly, "I don't know."
Cloud snorted, "Whatever."
"You're mad."
"You're being an asshole."
"I'm not trying to be."
"You're never trying to be anything."
Leon sat up a little to look at him. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"You're never trying to be an asshole. You're never trying to be happy. I have yet to see what you are trying to be." Cloud was growing more irritated by the minute. Maybe Leon had been right,maybe he wasn't ready for this. Maybe he was still making the same mistakes he'd made with Kadaj and Matt. And Leon saying it hadn't been a choice. It wasn't like he'd done anything that Leon didn't want. Had he? His eyes widened as he realized that what he'd done wasn't much different than Kadaj had done to him those first few times. He felt the sudden urge to run, but he wasn't sure where he'd run to. He'd need to get dressed and by the time he'd accomplish that Leon would be able to catch up to him. Cloud bit down on the inside of his lip and remained where he was for the time being.
"You keep expecting me to be something," Leon all but growled, not particularly annoyed by Cloud's words, but by his timing. "I'm not. I'm just me. I don't know what else you're looking for." His frown deepened when he noticed that the blond had stiffened before he'd even replied, then he sighed. "Now what psychological games are you playing with yourself."
"Maybe I should just leave." Despite wanting to, Cloud didn't make any move to get up, hoping that Leon could or would say something that would give him reason to shove away his thoughts.
Leon paused at that, surprised and confused by the sudden sense of insult that washed over him. Then he narrowed his eyes and stiffened when her realized where it was coming from. "You spewed all that bullshit to me in the kitchen," he said testily, "and I actually thought for a minute that it might not be. But it really was just a rationalization, wasn't it. You don't think anymore of this than you did your fling with Kadaj." He made a sound of disgust and threw off the covers. "Whatever, Strife, I'll leave."
"It wasn't bullshit," Cloud shouted. His voice dropped back to normal volume after that. "Don't jump to fucking conclusions and don't bring him into this. He's got nothing to do with it." He pushed off the covers from his side and stood up. "It's your house. I'll leave."
"You want to leave already!" Leon shouted back, shoving himself to his feet as well. "There's no other word for what you said than bullshit."
"Think whatever you want. You always do." Cloud headed out of the bedroom and made his way to the laundry room. He pulled on his boxers then pulled the clean clothes out of the dryer, tossing them on top. He began rifling through to find something to wear.
"No. See--No." More pissed than he'd felt in quite a while, Leon yanked on his boxers and followed, once again taking Cloud by the shoulder and spinning him around, this time against the dryer, so he wouldn't be able to run off yet again. He pointed an accusatory finger at the blond and glared. "This isn't about me, you idiot, and the sooner you stop trying to shove everything you feel off on everyone else, the sooner you might actually grow up and stop committing emotional homicide. I told you I would not be your rebound, and I meant it. The only reason I indulged either of us was because you swore it was a real interest. Well I haven't changed in the last twenty minutes, Strife, and I won't, and if you expect me to then you're not interested in me, you're interested in some ideal you've created of me, and that's not real interest at all. Well I'm not playing this game with you. Go if that's what you want to do, your idea of a relationship doesn't seem to require any actual difficulty on your part anyway--either that or you were never serious about making this one, and I'm not interested in either."
Leon's words hit him like a sack of bricks and Cloud stood there staring at him wide eyed for several minutes digesting it all, trying to figure out how to respond. "I... I was..." He frowned and leaned forward to press his forehead against Leon's shoulder. "I misunderstood you back there..."
Adrenaline and insult still pulsing through his veins, Leon bristled at the sudden touch. "Misunderstood what, exactly."
"How it wasn't a choice. It sounded like I'd done something against your will." Cloud's voice got suddenly small and quiet, "That I'd done something like Kadaj had done."
Leon suddenly realized where their entire conversation had gone wrong and relaxed a little, so that he wasn't quite as stiff. Another misunderstanding. Which only proved his earlier points, really, but he could tell by Cloud's voice that this wasn't really the time to point that out. Instead he turned his head a little into the sea of blond against his shoulder and said more calmly, "That time I was actually referring to my own feelings. Idiot."
"Oh." Cloud relaxed, though he still felt like he'd done something wrong. It was something he'd need to think about later, when Leon wasn't around. "Can we go back to bed?"
Leon pulled his shoulder back so that he could look down at Cloud in genuine surprise. "You still want to?"
"Yeah. I'm an idiot and thought you didn't want me there," Cloud replied, looking sheepishly up at Leon.
Leon blinked at him, then flushed just slightly and looked away again. "Sometimes you think I'm a bastard, and sometimes you think I'm way nicer than I am. You make no sense, Strife. And I'd have kicked you out if I didn't want you there."
"I make sense to me... most of the time," Cloud said with a snort. "You don't always make sense either, you know."
"I know." Leon took a step back, a little uncomfortable at the closeness.
Cloud tensed as Leon took a step back. He quickly reminded himself that it wasn't Leon rejecting him, though it did little to calm his nerves.
Noticing Cloud's jumpiness, Leon recognized immediately where it came from. It didn't help his own. He crossed his arms. "I'm tired."
"Then let's go back to bed," Cloud said, sliding past Leon and heading to the bedroom. He climbed into the bed, situating himself near the center, wanting to at least try sleeping in close proximity to Leon even if there wasn't any body contact.
Leon followed without a word, quietly slipping into his normal side of the bed and trying not to notice that Cloud was in the middle, or that they were making a conscious decision to share. Not wanting to look like he was avoiding the man, he forced himself to lie where he usually would, which was right next to him, instead of scooting closer to the edge of the bed.
Cloud found this incredibly awkward, but he needed to give it a try if he wanted this to work, which he did. "Good night," he murmured, shifting slightly so that his body was angled more towards Leon, though still maintaining the same amount of distance between them.
It was obvious now what Cloud was doing, at least to Leon, and he gave the blond a confused look.
Noticing Leon's expression, Cloud raised an eyebrow and returned it. "What?"
"You keep making these half-gestures," Leon told him, "and then you're disappointed when they're not returned." He blushed, realizing as he said the words why Cloud had been so put out before, and that even if he'd known it then, he probably wouldn't have done anything about it. "I'm not a mind-reader."
Cloud blushed as he Leon pointed out how stupid he was being. "I know you're not." He paused a moment and reached his hand over, letting it hover over Leon's waist. "Is it okay if I..." he trailed off, feeling silly even asking it.
Leon lowered his eyes and pretended not to feel as self-conscious as he did, or as tempted as he was to touch Cloud back. "Yeah."
Hearing Leon's answer was enough to ease the tension and worry from Cloud's body and mind. He lowered his arm and allowed it to drape over Leon's body, scooting closer and resting his head next to Leon's shoulder, his cheek touching his arm.
Leon's breath quickened as Cloud moved closer, but he tried his best to ignore that as well. After a moment or two of feeling incredibly awkward just lying there with Cloud's arm around him he tentatively raised his own, fingertips ghosting lightly up Cloud's forearm to his elbow.
Giving a content sigh, Cloud closed his eyes and whispered another good night to Leon.
Leon's reply was a soft grunt, his hand finally finding its way loosely around Cloud's waist. He had no idea what he was letting himself do, but right now he was too tired and oddly, despite his awkwardness, comfortable to care. He closed his eyes and sighed. He'd deal with the technicalities tomorrow.
What: The dropping of the U from UST
When: Tuesday Jan 15th, 2008
Where: Leon's House
Why: Cause we can.
Also: Rated M for Mature. No witnesses. :| Part 2 of 2. [1 of 2 is here]
It was several hours before Cloud woke up, stretching in place. The house was silent, devoid of the sounds of Leon breathing or pages turning. Had Leon freaked and ran out on him? Panicking slightly, Cloud wildly looked around for some sign of Leon being there. It took a few moments before a slip of paper on the coffee table caught his eye. Reaching out for it, Cloud could feel his heart beating faster, and he prepared himself for the worst.
After reading the note Cloud let out a sigh of relief. Leon hadn't run away. He wasn't sure when the other man would be returning, but he knew he needed to change out of these sticky clothes as soon as possible. Getting off the couch, he checked for stains on the cushions, but finding none, he headed towards Leon's room where his travel bag was still open and waiting on the bed. Rummaging through it, he pulled out the last pair of clean boxers he had, and grabbed a clean t-shirt from Leon's dresser. He took a quick, warm shower, dressed in the boxers and shirt then gathered up all the dirty laundry and started a load in the wash.
Leon was forced to return when it started getting dark, cursing winter for its short days. He half-hoped Cloud would be gone when he arrived, but he knew that was a bad idea; they needed to talk. So when he stepped inside and saw Cloud rummaging around in his fridge, his sigh was a weird blend of relief and anxiety. Then he noticed what the blond was dressed in, or lack thereof. He grunted to let him know he was there and turned around to go back to his room and kick off his shoes.
When Leon returned, Cloud changed his thought from food for one to food for two. He was nowhere near as good a cook as Leon was, but his cooking was edible. The buzzer on the washer went off and Cloud shut the fridge, his mind still working over the contents, trying to make a choice. He switched the clean clothes over to the dryer and started it before heading back to the fridge.
Leon was surprised to notice Cloud doing the laundry. He was surprised by how at home the man had made himself, really, after what had just happened between them. Unless he wasn't bothered by it at all. Which, Leon realized with a small groan, was just going to make this entire experience worse.
He headed back to the kitchen in a fresh shirt and settled down at the table, then leaned a little to see what Cloud was doing. "What are you looking for?"
"I haven't eaten anything all day. I'm starving," Cloud replied. "You hungry?"
Starving too, actually. Leon nodded. "I think most of the stuff in there has to be prepared."
"I know, I was looking for something I could cook." He glanced over at Leon, "I can cook, not as good as you can, but it's edible."
Leon didn't think he cooked all that well, and frowned if Cloud's was bad in comparison. "Well, what's in there?"
Cloud listed off several different things, none of which sparked an idea of something he could cook. "Or we could order in again."
"What could we order?" Nothing in particular sounded good right now, at least nothing actually edible, but Leon was hungry. He sat back in his seat and looked at Cloud for an answer.
"I don't know." Cloud shrugged and looked in the fridge again, finally spotting a package of bacon. "How's bacon sandwiches sound?" He set the package on the counter and dug out a tomato and some lettuce, setting those on the counter as well. It was impossible to mess up bacon.
Leon shrugged. "Fine." He got up to find the bread and set it next to Cloud's ingredients for him. "Do you need anything else?" He was trying very hard not to think about how close they were standing again.
"Mayo. Mustard too, if you like that on yours." Cloud got to the task of cooking the bacon, deeply breathing in the scent. He hardly noticed how close Leon was, he was too focused on getting the food cooked so he could eat.
Nodding, Leon moved to dig out the aforementioned condiment, setting it down again beside the rest of the food. He leaned against the counter to watch Cloud work and debated whether or not to talk now, or after they each had some food in him. He was leaning more and more towards the food idea.
As he cooked, Cloud kept glancing over at Leon out of the corner of his eye. During one particular glance he jumped back with a hiss, shaking his finger a moment before bringing it up to his mouth. He sucked on it as he walked over to the sink and turned on the cold water. Once it was cool enough, he stuck his finger under the water. "Can you go flip the bacon?" he asked Leon, tilting his head towards the stove.
Leon took the fork and flipped the food, glancing at Cloud in concern halfway through his task. "Did you burn yourself, or did the grease get you?"
"The grease," Cloud replied. He didn't see how that was any different from getting burnt, but he wasn't going to argue something pointless like that.
Leon had only been curious. He nodded, keeping an eye on the bacon until it was done, and then flipped off the heat and gathered a plate and paper towels to move the food to.
Drying off his hand, the grease burn a dull pain in his finger, Cloud grabbed the tomato and sliced it up. He then tore several leaves of lettuce off the head then ran them under water before replacing the head in the fridge. He set the vegetables on another plate and grabbing a butter knife took them and the mayo to the table.
Leon, in the meantime, pressed the bacon before bringing it and the bread to the table, then got them each glasses of ice water. He sat across from Cloud and tried to keep his attention focused solely on his task as he made his first sandwich.
Cloud grabbed the may first, spreading it across his bread, then added the lettuce and tomato. He reached for the bacon at the same time as Leon, their fingers lightly brushing each other. He did his best to ignore it. He needed to eat before he could think about doing any more of that, plus he wasn't entirely sure how Leon felt about it.
Leon felt himself flush, and cursed his body for it as he finished his sandwich and took a bite. He'd never felt as awkward with Cloud as he did now.
Cloud noticed Leon's reaction, but chose not to point it out in favor of eating his sandwich. He focused on his meal, reaching to prepare a second sandwich when he finished his first.
Leon finished at about the same time, but opted to take a long drink of his water instead of risk making another with Cloud's hands everywhere. When he was certain they wouldn't accidentally touch again, he began preparing his own. He just wasn't good with physical contact, especially after so much of it.
Noticing Leon's tactics of avoiding making a sandwich at the same time, Cloud raised an eyebrow and studied him curiously. "Is everything okay?" he asked before taking a bite of the sandwich.
"Fine," Leon told him, eyes on his task. "You?"
Cloud studied Leon a moment longer before shrugging and answering the question. "Yeah, fine."
"Are you staying another night?"
"I don't know... I can," Cloud replied, leaving off the if you want me to with the assumption that it was already implied.
Leon glanced at him. "Do you have somewhere else to be?"
"I'll probably have deliveries in the morning." Cloud didn't particularly want to leave tonight if he didn't have to. Not if the rising tension between them was going to heed similar results to this morning.
"How early?" Leon wasn't thinking about sharing a bed with the man again, he was completing his sandwich, which he then took a rather large bite of.
"It's my own business," Cloud replied. "I can start as early or as late as I want so long as I get the work done when I tell my clients I'll have done by." Cloud finished eating his sandwich and considered making a third. Given that he hadn't eaten anything else all day, he decided it wouldn't hurt and started making another sandwich.
Leon finished his sandwich a little more slowly than the first, now that the edge was gone from his hunger, and mulled over Cloud's words. "When do you want to work on the hovercraft?" No matter what he ended up saying to the blond later, he wanted him to know they were still friends.
"This weekend, if we can get everything needed for it by then." Cloud ate his third sandwich more slowly then the first two, pausing to take a few long drinks of the ice water.
Leon nodded and began picking at the leftover bacon. "I'll talk to Cid and see what he has lying around."
Cloud nodded as he bit into his sandwich. If it didn't get done this weekend, he knew there was always next weekend. "Let me know if there's anything we need? I can try and pick it up on my way out this weekend."
"All right." Leon moved on to the spare tomatoes. "It's not enormous, it probably won't take much."
Noticing Leon picking at the food, Cloud wondered why he hadn't just made another sandwich if he was going to keep eating. He nodded and they sat there in silence for several minutes. It was awkward, but not in a particularly bad way. It was becoming more and more clear that what had happened earlier needed to be talked about, but Cloud certainly didn't have any clue what to say, so he waited for Leon to say something.
Leon, however, had no idea what to say either, so he briefly contemplated picking at the lettuce before deciding against it and rising to take care of the dishes. One plate of leftovers wasn't so bad.
Clouds eyes were drawn to Leon as he got up from the table. He watched as Leon moved to the sink, blushing as he noticed the belts, recalling the conversation he'd had with Matt. "About earlier..." he started then quickly trailed off, not sure where to go from there.
Leon grunted over the sound of the running water. "Sorry."
"Sorry?" Cloud asked, obviously confused.
"It was a momentary loss of control," Leon said evenly, very carefully keeping his eyes on the sink in front of him. He hoped it really had been momentary, and not something that would try and take him over again. "It won't happen again."
"Oh." Cloud sounded disappointed and he slumped back in his chair. While Matt had been right about the tension, Cloud had been right about it leaving things awkward between them - which it would be so long as whatever this was remained one-sided.
Leon glanced back at him, a light frown gracing his features at the blond's tone. "What were you going to say about it."
"I don't know... but not that. I didn't think it was a mistake," Cloud replied, gazing intently at Leon.
Leon met his eyes for a moment before he had to look away. "You hardly even know me, Strife, and I hardly know you. I'm not a rebound."
"A rebound?" Cloud asked, his features scrunching in confusion.
"Someone who 'feels good'," Leon said with a dismissive wave of his hand, keeping himself from turning around again. "You're not one either. It's a bad idea."
"I didn't say you were." Cloud glared at Leon's back. "Do you think I'm that stupid that I'd think of it like that after you scolded me about it the other day?"
"I was trying to help you," Leon bit back, clenching a fist on the counter and turning to glare at him. "Letting us do that would be doing just the opposite."
"I know you were. I never said you weren't. I don't want to make mistakes like that again. How long do I have to think about something before it's considered not spur of the moment? I know I don't know your entire life history, but it's not for lack of trying. I want to get to know you and have been trying to, even if I haven't always been aware of the why behind it, but you won't let me in. You're a castle wall Leon - I can chip away all I want, but I'm not going to be able to get in until you throw me a rope." If this conversation had happened a day ago, Cloud wouldn't have been aware of most of this to be able to say it. A few hours ago, even though he knew it, he hadn't been able to put it into words, and here he was saying everything on his mind, whether he had known it to be there or not.
Leon stared. This conversation was eerily familiar to him, and he did not want to go through it again, especially considering his past reactions to it. For a minute, though, he wasn't sure how to react. It sounded like Cloud wanted something more than just casual, which was even worse, and something he still didn't have a good excuse for. So he turned back to the sink again and turned off the water so he wouldn't waste it. So what if he looked like an ass, it would be better for the both of them in the long run.
"No."
"No? No? How can you respond to all of that with just a no? What are you saying no to?" Cloud slammed his hand down on the table, irritated that Leon couldn't even face him. "And look at me if you're going to say that!"
Glaring, Leon turned and leaned against the sink with his arms folded. "No," he repeated, then continued. "What do you think you're doing, Strife? A few days ago just the mention of Kadaj was enough to send you over the edge, and now you want to start something with me? Have you even paused to think for a moment?"
"A few days ago we had a fight about him, I know. And then I stormed out of here and had an entire weekend to think about it." Granted he hadn't really thought about the Leon part of things until last night. "Do you know how much time I've wasted thinking about things that can't be changed? How many opportunities I missed because I was too caught up in my own head to notice what was right in front of me? I'm tired of watching everyone else live life while I sit and think. How long am I supposed to think about a relationship that wasn't healthy before I should consider one that could be?" Cloud was shaking with frustration and anger as he spoke, never once tearing his eyes away from Leon. "You know, I didn't see you stopping what was happening on the couch. You should have said no then."
If the word relationship hadn't startled Leon, Cloud's next words certainly did. He stiffened, his eyes widening for a moment before they narrowed. "Shut up, Strife," he snapped. "I told you I lost control."
"Lost control?" Cloud laughed a bit hysterically. "No, I'm pretty sure you took control. You're the one that had me pinned beneath you on the couch. Not the other way around."
"You see?" Leon demanded, latching on to Cloud's tone instead of the words behind it. "You see? We shared ten minutes on the couch together, Strife, and you're already upset by the possibility of no more. You just want to be with someone, you don't care who, and that's a rebound, and I'm not one. You need to find someone you can be happy with, not someone stuck here. Stop and think before you try and commit yourself to things, Hyne."
"I see you were in control enough to use your stopwatch," Cloud replied, his voice bitter. "If I didn't care who, I'd have gone to Matt - he's a sure thing. Or I'd have gone down to the bar and tried to pick someone up. Haven't ever done it before, but it can't be too difficult. What makes you think I couldn't be happy with you?" He paused before adding, "Just where is it you're stuck, Leon? Up your own ass?"
"Because I'm not happy, you idiot," Leon hissed angrily, curling his hands against the countertop on either side of him so he would have something to squeeze. "I am stuck, on this world, because mine was destroyed. Yours wasn't. I don't care if you need a place to stay once in a while, but for Hyne sake, don't get attached. This place is falling apart at the seams. Find a real person ready for a real relationship on a real world, and stop trying to settle for sloppy seconds."
"You're only stuck here because you choose to remain stuck here. Or are you telling me you're going to turn into a pumpkin if you leave this one for more than some allotted amount of time? This isn't a prison, Leon. Yeah, you can't go back to the world you came from, but that doesn't mean you're stuck. You could be happy if you just let yourself be happy. But for whatever reason you can't seem to do that." Cloud's tone was less agitated sounding than it had been before, though no less firm.
"This world, that world, it doesn't matter," Leon told him angrily, "they're not mine. The happiness you claim I can find anywhere was only there--it's certainly not here. Stop acting like you know what you're talking about."
"Have you even tried to look for happiness here, or are you so stuck on the happiness there that you haven't bothered to find it here?"
"It's not the same."
"Why does it need to be the same? Happiness is happiness no matter what shape it comes in." Cloud shook his head and snorted. Almost more to himself than to Leon, he added, "I sound like Aerith and Tifa when they talk to me right now. What the hell?"
"You've obviously never been happy, then," Leon told him through gritted teeth, "if that's all you think of it."
"I've been happy. Don't even try to say I haven't. So I'm not the best with words. My point is that happiness doesn't dwell in just one thing or place. Stop acting like it does."
"And you'd rather I believe it's just lying around anywhere," Leon said through a snort. "What point are you trying to prove, exactly? That it's hiding in you?" He snorted again, and shook his head. "I'm not even interested in guys. You just caught me at a bad time."
"The point I'm trying to prove is that you're not stuck here, you're stuck back on your world, which just happens to no longer exist." Cloud stood up and moved around the table, stopping several feet away from Leon, but within his line of sight. He snorted and shook his head. "I don't believe you. Caught you at a bad time? No. Catching you at a bad time would be walking in on you touching yourself in the shower. Not you inches from my face leaning in closer and closer while I'm sitting on the couch. And if you're not interested in guys... what was I? Just friction to you?" Cloud pulled off his shirt. "Look Leon. See this? I don't have boobs. My chest," he closed the space between them and grabbed Leon's hand and pressed it to his chest, "doesn't feel womanly, does it? You were rubbing against me while we kissed."
A dark flush heated Leon's cheeks, his anger slipping away to be replaced by a firm sense of embarrassment. He stiffened and tried tugging his hand away without accidentally touching any more of that warm, bare skin. "Stop it, Strife. It was the heat of the moment."
Cloud couldn't believe he was doing this, but he needed to prove to Leon that it wasn't just the moment. If Leon could prove that it was, Cloud would drop it and never bring it up again. He began to slide Leon's hand down his chest, bringing it closer and closer to the waistband of his boxers. He still had the shirt clutched in his other hand. He held the shirt up to Leon's nose. "Smell it. Who does it smell like?"
Leon nearly choked in his haste to stop breathing, but the feel of Cloud's skin beneath his fingers and palm had only quickened it, and as soon as he was forced to take in the man's scent he could feel his body begin to react on its own. Dammit, this wasn't fair--if they hadn't gotten off on each other only that morning Leon might have tried blaming his own deprivation, but as it was he blamed the memories that scent now brought out. He tried to turn his head away, each breath only making it worse. "Dammit, Strife..."
The buzzer on the dryer rang out. "Maybe you're right, maybe you don't like guys." Cloud started to walk away. "That shirt's yours. I borrowed it so I could do my laundry. I'll just get dressed and head on home."
Leon's eyes were stuck glued to Cloud's retreating figure despite himself, drawn to the flicker of movement as muscles worked just beneath the skin. And there was a lot of skin. With a start, he realized again that Cloud was only wearing a pair of boxers, and the knowledge made it difficult to swallow. As did the realization that he was still very aroused. He cursed to himself, his hand balling up the still-warm shirt tightly. This wasn't just from memories. Cloud had done this to him right now.
Cloud slowed down his pace to the laundry room, trying to give Leon a little extra time to make a move. If he didn't follow, then Leon was right, he wasn't into guys and it was some fluke. But if he did follow, Cloud bit down on his lip, trying not to let his thoughts wander too far ahead of him in case it wound up being a very disappointing drive home.
Leon cursed, suddenly feeling very cold and very alone. Which was stupid, because Cloud was very warm and still very near. He glared at the shirt in his hand for a moment before throwing it on the ground in frustration and stomping over it after Cloud. That wasn't fair of the blond to intentionally rile him up like that and then leave.
He caught up with him with the intention to yell at him or something, but as soon as his hand came down on Cloud's shoulder his body used the contact for its own purposes, and he knew he'd just been giving himself an excuse. He was aware, even as he turned him around and forced him up against the washer, that he probably shouldn't be doing this, but as soon as his lips crashed down on Cloud's he couldn't think enough to care.
Cloud's breath caught in the back of his throat as Leon's hand came down on his shoulder. His eyes widened and just as soon as he was able to breath again, Leon had him pinned bodily to the washer, his lips trying to steal that breath away with a kiss. He moaned into Leon's mouth and brought his hands up to Leon's hair, holding him to the kiss.
Leon only pressed closer and kissed harder, his body fitting himself against Cloud's in a way that left no doubt in his mind that he liked guys, or at least this one. He moaned and moved the hand from Cloud's shoulder to tangle in the hair on the back of his neck, the other slipping down to his waist and gripping it firmly.
Sliding one hand out of Leon's hair, Cloud traced it along the curve of his neck, down his spine until it rested even with the belts that were now pressing against his stomach, the leather and metal cool against his skin. He was glad that Leon had him so securely pinned, otherwise he didn't think he'd be able to stand. He bit lightly at Leon's lower lip as he pulled back, breaking the kiss. "What was that you said about not liking guys?" he asked, his tongue darting out to lick his lips.
"Shut up," Leon growled, the words mumbled against Cloud's lips as he leaned forward to kiss him again, his back arching in the wake of the man's fingers. He arched his hips as well, the friction dragging a strangled groan from his throat before he rubbed, suddenly wishing he wasn't wearing so damn much.
The growl Leon made sent a shiver down Cloud's spine and he moaned into the kiss, grinding his hips against Leon's. He brought both hands around and began fumbling with Leon's belts before wondering if it was even necessary to undo them all, they never appeared to be anything but decoration.
For a moment Leon paid no heed to his fumbling, before he realized what was taking so long and broke the kiss to fumble himself. He shivered when his fingers brushed Cloud's, letting him work at whichever belt he'd chosen as he went straight for the one doing up his pants. "This one," he pointed out breathlessly. He was having trouble undoing it.
Cloud bit down on his lip and pushed Leon's hands out of the way once the correct belt was pointed out. He fumbled for a moment but got it undone. He unzipped the jeans then tugged them down, letting them fall to the ground with the weight of the belt. He looked up at Leon and shook his head before pulling him in for another kiss.
Leon was about to form a protest when Cloud pulled him in for another kiss, and he quickly forgot why. Then he pressed against him again and remembered when the remaining belts got in the way. He quickly shoved them down without bothering to undo them, grunting when they caught briefly on his hips but much too preoccupied to care. When they hit the floor he stepped out of them and his pants somewhat awkwardly, a hand flying to Cloud's shoulder to help support himself, and then he was left in a shirt and boxers too, and he gave Cloud a look that said, What next?
Cloud reached for the hem of Leon's shirt and tugged upwards, quickly peeling it off of him and tossing the clothing to the ground. He brought Leon closer, running his hands over the now exposed skin, the well defined muscles moving beneath it. He stole another kiss, unsure of where he wanted to take this, what he wanted to do next. He let his fingers teasingly dip past the edge of Leon's boxers several times.
Leon couldn't stop shivering, fresh ones replacing the old each time Cloud's callused fingers brushed a sensitive spot on his skin. His hands found their way somewhat hesitantly to Cloud's waist, thumbs hooking in the tops of his boxers, then releasing them, then hooking again. He wasn't sure what to do now, this was definitely not his territory. But he wanted to do something, his breath hitched at just the idea, and he didn't want Cloud to think he was reconsidering, so he leaned in and brushed their lips together again, eyes flicking to Cloud's briefly. A moment later he did it again, staying close so he could kiss him gently, because it'd been far too long since he'd done any of this, and he was having a hard time stopping.
It took a moment for the cause of Leon's hesitation to sink in, why he seemed to be stuck at just kissing. Cloud smiled against Leon's mouth, then shifted until Leon was pressed against the dryer. Cloud kissed along his jaw, up to the nook behind his ear, letting his teeth lightly scrape against skin. He brought his hands around to the front of Leon's boxers, one resting on his hip and the other sliding under the fabric, his fingers lightly brushing against sensitive skin before slowly wrapping around and stroking.
Leon's hips bucked, a soft, strangled sound working its way from his throat. A hand shot out to grip Cloud's shoulder in an effort to steady himself, the other gripping the front of the washer tightly, and though he'd been momentary confused as to the reason behind the shift in position, he was glad for it now; his legs might have given out otherwise. The calluses on Cloud's fingers made his touch unexpectedly good, and that coupled with his abstinence made his body particularly receptive. He lowered his mouth to Cloud's shoulder and groaned.
Cloud echoed Leon's groan as the sound vibrated against his skin, the sensation shooting through every inch of his body. He gradually increased the speed of his hand, wanting to push Leon over the edge as quickly as possible, making it impossible for him to deny being interested in men ever again.
Leon released a whimper that, in any other state of mind, would have completely embarrassed him. As it was, though, it only made him realize that he'd fallen behind. He knew what was allowed or whatever now, and his hands began fumbling at Cloud's boxers, desperate to get them off and level the playing field before he lost it completely.
"I'm not going to be able to stand if you do that," Cloud said, hard breaths falling between each word. He didn't particularly want Leon to stop, in fact, he wanted him to continue more than anything.
"Then we should move," Leon panted against his skin, pressing a kiss to it afterwards to give himself something to think about other than the way his own body was all but trembling.
Cloud nodded and slowly pulled away from Leon, taking him by the wrist and all but dragging him to the bedroom. As he climbed onto the bed, still pulling Leon with him, it dawned on him that this was the first time he'd done anything like this in a bed. With Kadaj it had always been pressed against walls or down on the floor - whatever hard surface was available. With Matt it had been on the floor. This morning on the couch had even been a step up. He shivered and pulled Leon in for a kiss, shoving the boxers down his legs for better access so he could continue what he'd started.
Leon kicked them off and tugged down on Cloud's, feeling a little awkward without a definite role in mind, but way too aroused to care. As soon as they were off his fingers fumbled for Cloud's erection, the unfamiliar angle throwing him off a little. He stroked once or twice before glancing up at Cloud to make sure he was doing all right, then kissed him again just because he was there.
Unsure of what that glance Leon gave him was for, Cloud was a bit startled when Leon kissed him again, both of them busy stroking each other, the blanket and mattress soft beneath their knees. With a groan, he closed the space between them, their knuckles brushing against each other with each stroke.
Leon was a little surprised, but hardly in a way that made him want to stop. He glanced down to actually see what he was doing and blushed, but angled his hand a little better and tried concentrating on little things he knew from experience would feel good.
Cloud pressed his cheek against Leon's breathing heavily, whimpers and moans escaping his lips with each new thing Leon tried. Anything that drove him particularly crazy, he reciprocated with his own hand, both trying to get Leon off quicker and show him what things he was enjoying the most - though his mouth was doing a good job of the latter.
Leon's breath hitched each time Cloud manipulated his hand after he did, the sensation somehow utterly foreign when he wasn't doing it to himself. He braced his free hand against the bed and tried to keep from toppling over, growing closer and closer with each passing moment, his hips thrusting into Cloud's hand all on their own.
Tilting his head, Cloud lightly bit Leon's earlobe, swirling his tongue around the tiny silver stud he'd never really noticed before. He moaned around the metal, thrusting into Leon's hand while increasing the pace with his hand on Leon.
Leon shuddered, his body stiffening as he came suddenly, hips arching forward and a low moan rolling from his throat. He leaned heavily against Cloud and gasped for breath, nuzzling him in the immediate afterglow, and struggled to keep his eyes open long enough for Cloud to join him.
Cloud pulled back from Leon's ear as sticky fluid spilled onto his hand, a satisfied smirk playing at the corners of his lips. The expression faltering as he came moaning Leon's name. He fell backwards, panting and pulling Leon down on top of him, kissing the corner of his lips.
Shivering, Leon followed bonelessly, his eyes only opening halfway as he nuzzled and kissed Cloud back lazily. He wasn't sure what to do with his soiled hand, though, and debated rubbing it on the sheets, but was unsure if he wanted to have to wash them right away.
Without a second thought, Cloud wiped his hand on the bedding then brought the same hand around to Leon's back, holding him close as they kissed. He was content with the fact that Leon no longer had any ground to stand on as far as his orientation went.
Frowning a little, Leon pulled away long enough to follow suit, then shifted so that he was lying half on his side against Cloud's rather than crushing the slightly smaller man beneath him. The more he regathered himself, the more he wondered what the hell had come over him again. So he was a little interested in Cloud. So what. It didn't mean they should be doing this together, especially right now. Sighing heavily, he leaned his forehead against Cloud's shoulder and struggled to finally even out his breath. The smell of the man all around him was making any logical thought process rather difficult.
The loss of Leon's body atop his paired with the frown he witnessed was enough to worry Cloud. Had he gone too far? Had he pushed Leon into doing something he really hadn't wanted to do? He idly ran his hand along Leon's side, trying to keep as much contact with him for as long as possible. A feeling of impending loss was growing in the pit of his stomach, his mind suddenly jumping to the way Kadaj would always leave shortly afterwards, leaving Cloud to just his thoughts.
Leon's skin twitched at the contact, still made oversensitive from before. It was quickly followed by a shiver, and Leon pushed himself away from Cloud completely so that he could pull back the sheets and crawl under them. He held them up for the blond with a glance. "Coming?" He wanted to think, but right now he didn't want to do it someplace alone.
At first, Cloud had thought Leon was trying to get away from him, but once Leon spoke, Cloud's brain caught up with him and he crawled in under the blankets next to him. He wasn't sure if Leon would want to snuggle or not - he'd been odd about it the other day when they'd woken up accidentally snuggling. Deciding to leave it up to Leon, he positioned himself very close to him, but without overlapping their bodies any.
Having never actually had to learn how to initiate physical contact before, Leon didn't think to now, finding Cloud's warmth just beside him to be more than enough. He settled down comfortably on his back and sighed, pillowing his head on his hand and resting the other on his stomach to he could stare at the ceiling and think. He didn't mind whatever Cloud wanted to do, if he wanted to stay awhile or find something else to do, but Leon was pretty sure he was settled for the night.
Cloud was disappointed when Leon didn't move to embrace him. He laid there staring at the ceiling, growing more and more uncomfortable as time passed. It was awkward laying this close to someone and not touching. Sighing, he rolled over onto his side, widening the space between them, the difference in distance enough to relax him. He wasn't particularly tired, so he just laid there listening to Leon breathing.
Leon glanced over at him, the movement breaking him from his light reverie. "Are you all right?"
"I'm fine."
"Tired?"
"No."
Leon frowned. "Then what are you doing?"
"I don't know." Cloud knew, he just wasn't sure how to put it into words.
Leon hesitated, a string of doubts suddenly rolling through his mind. "...Did I do something wrong?"
"No," Cloud said, shaking his head. "You didn't do anything wrong."
Leon let out a small sigh of relief he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "Then what's wrong with you?"
"Nothing's wrong," Cloud replied. "I guess I just felt like laying on my side."
Leon rolled his eyes. "Whatever." As long as he hadn't inadvertently offended him somehow, he supposed the blond was fine.
Cloud was a bit surprised, yet relieved when Leon didn't push the matter. He made a small noise of acknowledgment and allowed his mind to wander off in thought.
Something about Cloud seemed off, but it took Leon several minutes to come up a suitable question. "...Are you sleeping in here tonight?"
"If you want me to," Cloud replied, still not turning to look at Leon. He didn't want to see his face if the answer was no.
Leon looked at him again with a frown. "What do you want."
Cloud was silent a moment before responding. "I want to stay."
"So stay." Leon turned back to the ceiling again, shifting his shoulders until they were comfortable. "You're acting weird. You're the one who pressed that. If you've changed your mind, you should tell me now."
"I haven't changed my mind." Cloud tensed as the other two comments fully sunk in. "How am I acting weird? And I went to get my laundry, you're the one that followed and kissed me."
"Don't even try to pretend you didn't do that on purpose," Leon told him with an irritated glance. "You just are. I don't know. I'm not exactly used to this either."
"I'm not... I know it was on purpose, but don't make it sound like it was all me. I wanted you to want it, but I wanted it to be your choice to do anything." Cloud didn't press matters on the bit about him acting strange, it was too likely to lead to him having to try and explain why he'd moved.
"That wasn't a choice, Strife." Even as he said the words, Leon wondered what the hell he meant by them. After a moment he realized what conclusions Cloud might draw from that and sighed, turning to look at him again. "I didn't mean that the way you probably think I did."
"Then how did you mean them?" Cloud asked, his fist clenching the covers, ready to throw them off and get out of bed if Leon pissed him off.
Leon thought that over for a moment before replying, then honestly, "I don't know."
Cloud snorted, "Whatever."
"You're mad."
"You're being an asshole."
"I'm not trying to be."
"You're never trying to be anything."
Leon sat up a little to look at him. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"You're never trying to be an asshole. You're never trying to be happy. I have yet to see what you are trying to be." Cloud was growing more irritated by the minute. Maybe Leon had been right,maybe he wasn't ready for this. Maybe he was still making the same mistakes he'd made with Kadaj and Matt. And Leon saying it hadn't been a choice. It wasn't like he'd done anything that Leon didn't want. Had he? His eyes widened as he realized that what he'd done wasn't much different than Kadaj had done to him those first few times. He felt the sudden urge to run, but he wasn't sure where he'd run to. He'd need to get dressed and by the time he'd accomplish that Leon would be able to catch up to him. Cloud bit down on the inside of his lip and remained where he was for the time being.
"You keep expecting me to be something," Leon all but growled, not particularly annoyed by Cloud's words, but by his timing. "I'm not. I'm just me. I don't know what else you're looking for." His frown deepened when he noticed that the blond had stiffened before he'd even replied, then he sighed. "Now what psychological games are you playing with yourself."
"Maybe I should just leave." Despite wanting to, Cloud didn't make any move to get up, hoping that Leon could or would say something that would give him reason to shove away his thoughts.
Leon paused at that, surprised and confused by the sudden sense of insult that washed over him. Then he narrowed his eyes and stiffened when her realized where it was coming from. "You spewed all that bullshit to me in the kitchen," he said testily, "and I actually thought for a minute that it might not be. But it really was just a rationalization, wasn't it. You don't think anymore of this than you did your fling with Kadaj." He made a sound of disgust and threw off the covers. "Whatever, Strife, I'll leave."
"It wasn't bullshit," Cloud shouted. His voice dropped back to normal volume after that. "Don't jump to fucking conclusions and don't bring him into this. He's got nothing to do with it." He pushed off the covers from his side and stood up. "It's your house. I'll leave."
"You want to leave already!" Leon shouted back, shoving himself to his feet as well. "There's no other word for what you said than bullshit."
"Think whatever you want. You always do." Cloud headed out of the bedroom and made his way to the laundry room. He pulled on his boxers then pulled the clean clothes out of the dryer, tossing them on top. He began rifling through to find something to wear.
"No. See--No." More pissed than he'd felt in quite a while, Leon yanked on his boxers and followed, once again taking Cloud by the shoulder and spinning him around, this time against the dryer, so he wouldn't be able to run off yet again. He pointed an accusatory finger at the blond and glared. "This isn't about me, you idiot, and the sooner you stop trying to shove everything you feel off on everyone else, the sooner you might actually grow up and stop committing emotional homicide. I told you I would not be your rebound, and I meant it. The only reason I indulged either of us was because you swore it was a real interest. Well I haven't changed in the last twenty minutes, Strife, and I won't, and if you expect me to then you're not interested in me, you're interested in some ideal you've created of me, and that's not real interest at all. Well I'm not playing this game with you. Go if that's what you want to do, your idea of a relationship doesn't seem to require any actual difficulty on your part anyway--either that or you were never serious about making this one, and I'm not interested in either."
Leon's words hit him like a sack of bricks and Cloud stood there staring at him wide eyed for several minutes digesting it all, trying to figure out how to respond. "I... I was..." He frowned and leaned forward to press his forehead against Leon's shoulder. "I misunderstood you back there..."
Adrenaline and insult still pulsing through his veins, Leon bristled at the sudden touch. "Misunderstood what, exactly."
"How it wasn't a choice. It sounded like I'd done something against your will." Cloud's voice got suddenly small and quiet, "That I'd done something like Kadaj had done."
Leon suddenly realized where their entire conversation had gone wrong and relaxed a little, so that he wasn't quite as stiff. Another misunderstanding. Which only proved his earlier points, really, but he could tell by Cloud's voice that this wasn't really the time to point that out. Instead he turned his head a little into the sea of blond against his shoulder and said more calmly, "That time I was actually referring to my own feelings. Idiot."
"Oh." Cloud relaxed, though he still felt like he'd done something wrong. It was something he'd need to think about later, when Leon wasn't around. "Can we go back to bed?"
Leon pulled his shoulder back so that he could look down at Cloud in genuine surprise. "You still want to?"
"Yeah. I'm an idiot and thought you didn't want me there," Cloud replied, looking sheepishly up at Leon.
Leon blinked at him, then flushed just slightly and looked away again. "Sometimes you think I'm a bastard, and sometimes you think I'm way nicer than I am. You make no sense, Strife. And I'd have kicked you out if I didn't want you there."
"I make sense to me... most of the time," Cloud said with a snort. "You don't always make sense either, you know."
"I know." Leon took a step back, a little uncomfortable at the closeness.
Cloud tensed as Leon took a step back. He quickly reminded himself that it wasn't Leon rejecting him, though it did little to calm his nerves.
Noticing Cloud's jumpiness, Leon recognized immediately where it came from. It didn't help his own. He crossed his arms. "I'm tired."
"Then let's go back to bed," Cloud said, sliding past Leon and heading to the bedroom. He climbed into the bed, situating himself near the center, wanting to at least try sleeping in close proximity to Leon even if there wasn't any body contact.
Leon followed without a word, quietly slipping into his normal side of the bed and trying not to notice that Cloud was in the middle, or that they were making a conscious decision to share. Not wanting to look like he was avoiding the man, he forced himself to lie where he usually would, which was right next to him, instead of scooting closer to the edge of the bed.
Cloud found this incredibly awkward, but he needed to give it a try if he wanted this to work, which he did. "Good night," he murmured, shifting slightly so that his body was angled more towards Leon, though still maintaining the same amount of distance between them.
It was obvious now what Cloud was doing, at least to Leon, and he gave the blond a confused look.
Noticing Leon's expression, Cloud raised an eyebrow and returned it. "What?"
"You keep making these half-gestures," Leon told him, "and then you're disappointed when they're not returned." He blushed, realizing as he said the words why Cloud had been so put out before, and that even if he'd known it then, he probably wouldn't have done anything about it. "I'm not a mind-reader."
Cloud blushed as he Leon pointed out how stupid he was being. "I know you're not." He paused a moment and reached his hand over, letting it hover over Leon's waist. "Is it okay if I..." he trailed off, feeling silly even asking it.
Leon lowered his eyes and pretended not to feel as self-conscious as he did, or as tempted as he was to touch Cloud back. "Yeah."
Hearing Leon's answer was enough to ease the tension and worry from Cloud's body and mind. He lowered his arm and allowed it to drape over Leon's body, scooting closer and resting his head next to Leon's shoulder, his cheek touching his arm.
Leon's breath quickened as Cloud moved closer, but he tried his best to ignore that as well. After a moment or two of feeling incredibly awkward just lying there with Cloud's arm around him he tentatively raised his own, fingertips ghosting lightly up Cloud's forearm to his elbow.
Giving a content sigh, Cloud closed his eyes and whispered another good night to Leon.
Leon's reply was a soft grunt, his hand finally finding its way loosely around Cloud's waist. He had no idea what he was letting himself do, but right now he was too tired and oddly, despite his awkwardness, comfortable to care. He closed his eyes and sighed. He'd deal with the technicalities tomorrow.