(no subject)

[onlyinurdreamz]

so its like 2:10 in the morning and i cant sleep.
my phone wont turn on
yes the new phone that i just got two days ago.
it wont turn on at all

also i cant seem to get my mind off of him.
and thinking. and thinking. and thinking.

today is my poppys birthday. every year
it never fails. i always think about him
i get kinda sad. One may say i dont really
know him but i know him more then anyone
could ever understand. he died when i was 3
He died in his sleep. He died while taking
a nap while babysitting me while my mom was
out shopping. He died while i was his doctor
its the hardest thing to think about. i hate
it. i want to forget it. but who can forget
that cold feeling to know that the only
person who you felt safe with was no longer
there to make you safe. I felt to blame. I
still do in some way. deep inside. i live my
life for him. Fighting harder then anyone
could ever possibly imagine. all for him
and yet tonight all i can think about is how
i wish my poppy could see the smile that you
put on my face. how i could have you both
back in my life. to make me feel safe again

i feel too alone tonight. where are you. i need you
i need someone to hold onto. i am losin faith in
all that i can see. and i have no more dreams left

so your leavin. leavin this place behind
but what about me. you never answered my
question. ` will you ever hold me again
kiss me hard bc this will be the last time
that i let you. that i let you `*_