(no subject)
I have bruises everywhere to show the pain that i go through on a daily basis with you. They are on my arms to show how many times you held me back. They are on my legs to show how many times I kicked you out. They are my back showing all the times you took me back. They are everyone. Each one tellin a different story. A Story that always ends in the same way. "I love you, why are you mine?" Maybe its me. Maybe I just dont get the whole theory. Maybe I just dont understand. Or maybe its because I like being hurt. Every bruise you put on my body, makes me weaker inside. I only wish i knew how to make the bruises i left visible, because i know deep down I had to have had an impact on you. I know that if you knew some things about me, the bruises would show, but the physical bruises on me would be much worse then yours. I know there are things about you I didnt know. Things I wish I knew but that you will never tell me, but expect me to know. I wear my ring to show I have no love to hold my heart. I hold my heart out to you and tell you that all I want is someone to love. You tell me I have that person. But when I tell you that I want someone to love me, you tell me to keep searching. He'll come out eventually. I cant wait till eventually. I can't wait any longer. These bruises are taking over my body. Purple is not a pretty color on the pale skin of mine. You make me feel worthless. You make me feel naked. You make me feel like everyone can see my bruises and are laughing at me for all i let you get away with. You make me feel lower then I should have ever had to feel. You do this all to me with just your looks. With just a moment of your time. Im sorry I obviously cant be that girl that you always dreamed i would magically turn into. Sorry Im still me. Im sorry that I still care and want to let you know. Im sorry that I would give up everyting for your happiness. Im sorry that I cant do anything more for you without taking the clothes off my back and giving them to you.
I feel like screamin, cryin, kickin, yellin, and just breakin down. How can I be so stupid to let someone hurt me over and over again. Bruise after bruise. When will I let this stop. When will I finally realize that its not healthy and never was. When will I be smacked back into the real world where everyone around me is backin off because all i care about is making one person's life the greatest it can be and apparently failing miserably at it. I suck at life. Maybe its times you just told me to go away. Maybe its just time that i let these bruises take over my body and be better off alone....
i dont like this feeling. I cant make it stop. the only way to make it stop is to...
kill it.
I feel like screamin, cryin, kickin, yellin, and just breakin down. How can I be so stupid to let someone hurt me over and over again. Bruise after bruise. When will I let this stop. When will I finally realize that its not healthy and never was. When will I be smacked back into the real world where everyone around me is backin off because all i care about is making one person's life the greatest it can be and apparently failing miserably at it. I suck at life. Maybe its times you just told me to go away. Maybe its just time that i let these bruises take over my body and be better off alone....
i dont like this feeling. I cant make it stop. the only way to make it stop is to...
kill it.