(no subject)
It's been a really tumultuous week for me. On Monday night I broke up with Joel, my boyfriend of over a year. The breakup discussion/fight got a little heated for awhile, although we agreed that we wanted to remain friends. Then last night we hung out, talked things over, and decided to get back together. We're going to take things more slowly this time and give each other more space to pursue our hobbies and friendships. I'm really happy now, but man, those days in between I was a fucking wreck. I had to call in sick on to work on Tuesday morning because I hadn't eaten or slept, and I was in no right emotional state to work.
I initiated the breakup, but I realized almost immediately that I'd made a mistake. Yes, I'd been unhappy lately, but I know now that that was largely because I wasn't looking at the relationship clearly. I was only seeing the negative aspects and the differences between us, and I didn't see all the many good aspects of it. I was being really hard on Joel and expecting him to be the one to do all the compromising/changing. And I was kind of a bitch to him during the breakup -- I raised my voice, called him names and said some things I didn't mean. Luckily for me, he was good enough to not only forgive me for how I'd acted but also agree to get back together. As much as it sucked at the time, I think that the fight/breakup was necessary because it caused us to reassess the relationship and take it in a new, better direction. I no longer even consider those two or three days apart as a breakup, really; in retrospect, it was more of a cooling-off period.
A big problem for me is that I've always struggled with retaining my sense of individuality while in a relationship. I'm really good at doing that while I'm single. When I'm single I always feel motivated and empowered to do all the things I want to do. Strong, independent woman, hear me roar! And all that. When I'm in a relationship, I tend to devote most of my time and energy to that person and put everything else second. I'd been blaming my past relationships for my lack of productivity, but in those few days I spent apart from Joel, I realized that if I was neglectful of other things recently, it was hardly his fault. He's never tried to stop me from doing anything I want to do. It's true that some of my past significant others were clingy and not supportive, but that's not the case with the person I'm with now.
My goal has always been to maintain both a career/hobbies/friendships, and a romantic relationship. But for some reason I'd always thought I'd figure it out only when I was older and married. If I felt I could do that in the future, what was stopping me from doing it now? I think the only thing stopping me was me. If I want to take a few hours or even a whole day off from seeing him to write, hang out with friends or family, or whatever, I just have to tell him. He's always been understanding of that. I can be an independent person and fully nurture my individuality, and be with the person I love. Other people can balance all those things, so surely I can. It'll just be a matter of staying focused, managing my time well, communicating with him, and not reverting back to my old habits and ways of seeing things.
"You must understand that love never keeps a man from pursuing his Personal Legend." ~Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist
I initiated the breakup, but I realized almost immediately that I'd made a mistake. Yes, I'd been unhappy lately, but I know now that that was largely because I wasn't looking at the relationship clearly. I was only seeing the negative aspects and the differences between us, and I didn't see all the many good aspects of it. I was being really hard on Joel and expecting him to be the one to do all the compromising/changing. And I was kind of a bitch to him during the breakup -- I raised my voice, called him names and said some things I didn't mean. Luckily for me, he was good enough to not only forgive me for how I'd acted but also agree to get back together. As much as it sucked at the time, I think that the fight/breakup was necessary because it caused us to reassess the relationship and take it in a new, better direction. I no longer even consider those two or three days apart as a breakup, really; in retrospect, it was more of a cooling-off period.
A big problem for me is that I've always struggled with retaining my sense of individuality while in a relationship. I'm really good at doing that while I'm single. When I'm single I always feel motivated and empowered to do all the things I want to do. Strong, independent woman, hear me roar! And all that. When I'm in a relationship, I tend to devote most of my time and energy to that person and put everything else second. I'd been blaming my past relationships for my lack of productivity, but in those few days I spent apart from Joel, I realized that if I was neglectful of other things recently, it was hardly his fault. He's never tried to stop me from doing anything I want to do. It's true that some of my past significant others were clingy and not supportive, but that's not the case with the person I'm with now.
My goal has always been to maintain both a career/hobbies/friendships, and a romantic relationship. But for some reason I'd always thought I'd figure it out only when I was older and married. If I felt I could do that in the future, what was stopping me from doing it now? I think the only thing stopping me was me. If I want to take a few hours or even a whole day off from seeing him to write, hang out with friends or family, or whatever, I just have to tell him. He's always been understanding of that. I can be an independent person and fully nurture my individuality, and be with the person I love. Other people can balance all those things, so surely I can. It'll just be a matter of staying focused, managing my time well, communicating with him, and not reverting back to my old habits and ways of seeing things.
"You must understand that love never keeps a man from pursuing his Personal Legend." ~Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist