Don't take this personal, but I really don't feel like calling you right now. I did try and make time for you, I was the one who asked you, but it just wasn't going to work out. I see Josiah every night, and when you were like "if it'll just be you and I" it was just a complete turn-off. Then the fact that the last time you were over I had a fucking migraine & you woke me up because YOU wanted a cigarette. That was really inconsiderate. Also, when I have to work in the morning you try and keep me up. I really don't think you understand how hard that is on me. It's enough that I'm having you stay the night with me when I have to work in the morning. Sometimes you're just not that understanding. I wish you would think about things more. I hate the fact that you complain that we haven't spent a full out day with each other when you're the one who leaves early because your mother wants you to clean before steven comes over. I understand you wanting to see Steven as much as possible, I just wish you would do the same for me.
Don't just think this whole entry..because it's not just you. Things have just been a million times worse these weeks. I'm sorry that you feel hurt because of all this, but I've just needed a break from you. Don't take it the wrong way, the last time just wasn't a great one & then for you to just be like that was weird. I invited you, and it is my house, plan and simple.
How can you not understand me wanting to spend time with JUST YOU when for the past 3 weeks it's never been just us? It's always US and your boyfriend. I have NO problem with Jo, I actually like him, but I can never just spend time with MY best friend. And did you even stop to think about what it's like for me to be just sitting in the back of his car while you guys act all cuddly and lovey? I barely ever get any alone time with my boyfriend, and here I was trying to spend time with you. It is NOT wrong of me to want just time with you for ONCE in such a long time. It's not supposed to be you and your boyfriend and me. I wanted quality friendship time so I could talk to you about a lot of stuff. And how can you be upset that I leave early to go see my boyfriend when you always have your boyfriend over when I'm over trying to spend time with you? That's completely hypocritical. I see my boyfriend for about 35 minutes in school each day, and for about 8 hours on the weekend, so of course I'm going to go home to do that. Half the time you work early in the morning anyway. And i'm sorry for trying to keep you up, I only did that because I wanted to spend time with you because all "my" time with you was spent with you and jo..and me just sitting in the back of his car in silence feeling like i'm not important enough for you to spend time with. It was like you couldn't do anything without him being around all the time and it started to remind me of the past way too much, which is why I suggested JUST US on friday, so we could TALK about this before it became a bigger issue. You cancled, so I kept trying to talk to you and you couldn't even give me that. That's just sad Steph. I'm supposed to be your best friend and you couldn't even talk to me about why you refused to make time or reply to me.
Best friends don't do that. They TALK about things.
Don't tell me about the whole "what best friends don't do". I'm not like everyone else, and I handle things differently if you haven't noticed that in the past 4 years. Have you noticed that when I used to come over to your house steven would to? Did you actually stop & think about that? I was understanding about that. One thing I also wished you would think about it actually not leaving me in the morning. BEING that you see me less than Steven. This is why I was so not for you going to nightschool, and it kind of seemed more about seeing steven more than anything. I can understand that, but I knew this was going to happen. Things suck between us, and honestly that's making us drift apart and maybe that's part of the reason why I've been getting so aggrivated lately. I'm to the point where Josiah is there for me more than you will ever be because you're at school. & I'm sure if I called you on Saturday when all that shit was happening you were probably with Steven & it wouldn't even be worth it because I'd probably be with the both of you while I was upset and crying or it just wouldn't happen. I didn't know what to expect. & I don't know if I've told you this before, but I could have sworn I had. I am religious, and the last time you were in the car and you brought religion into the subject and I don't know if you realized it or not but you were tearing both Josiah & I down. That was totally disrespectful.
I shared MY views on religion, Steph. I'm SO sorry for not hating gay people the way the bible does. That's just stupid. I'm not bashing christianity, I just think a part of the bible is stupid. You and me used to talk about that but you suddenly changed and claimed to be religious all of the sudden. I have no problem with you being religious, but I didn't know I couldn't express my feelings on something. Oh and you have only come over when Steven was there, oh lets see, 3 months ago? And do you remember me asking you if you would mind if he was there? I made SURE you were okay with it before you came over. Oh and the time after that that you came over and he was there was because JOEY couldn't fuckin make it. NOT my fault. I seperate my time from Steven and you very well because I need time with both of you seperately cuz it doensn't work, AS EVERYONE KNOWS, if it's always the 3 of us. Blame whatever you want on me going to night school, but do remember you went out and got a job too and that cut down our time together A LOT. Yeah, you had to, but I also had to go to night school or I wouldn't fucking graduate on time, so yes, please tell me that is about Steven, and not me wanting to make sure I fixed my education. I was understanding the first few weeks when Jo was ALWAYS there every single time I was seeing you. I was. But then after a while, it got the point where no matter what I couldn't have one night with just you. And that's not cool. You know it. And me leaving early in the morning? Why is that an issue when everytime I wake up and Jo is at your house ready to spend the day with you? So it's okay if you see your boyfriend, but I can't go home to see mine? You see your boyfriend every fucking day, and can talk to him for endless hours. That's something I'll NEVER have, so my 8 hours on the weekend with him mean a lot to me, because that's all I have Stephanie, and you'll never understand that. At least I make time for you FOR JUST YOU AND ME. I could be out seeing him all weekend, but no I make time for you just and me and it never ends up being just you and me.
I thought that over the past 4 years you would notice how our friendship goes to shit whenever I can barely see JUST you cuz your boyfriends are always around. How can you not see that best friends need time together JUST THEM?
And maybe I can't be there as much for you. I'm not gonna sneak out every night to come see you cuz it's against the law and my parents WOULD find out. And unlike Jo, I do go to school, so I can't always be around. I'm on the right track in school that I need to be on so I can graduate on time. And how can you think otherwise on this: of course jo will seem like he can be there for you more because he's constantly around you, steph.
Sometimes you're just not that understanding. I wish you would think about things more. I hate the fact that you complain that we haven't spent a full out day with each other when you're the one who leaves early because your mother wants you to clean before steven comes over. I understand you wanting to see Steven as much as possible, I just wish you would do the same for me.
Don't just think this whole entry..because it's not just you. Things have just been a million times worse these weeks. I'm sorry that you feel hurt because of all this, but I've just needed a break from you. Don't take it the wrong way, the last time just wasn't a great one & then for you to just be like that was weird. I invited you, and it is my house, plan and simple.
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Best friends don't do that. They TALK about things.
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I thought that over the past 4 years you would notice how our friendship goes to shit whenever I can barely see JUST you cuz your boyfriends are always around. How can you not see that best friends need time together JUST THEM?
And maybe I can't be there as much for you. I'm not gonna sneak out every night to come see you cuz it's against the law and my parents WOULD find out. And unlike Jo, I do go to school, so I can't always be around. I'm on the right track in school that I need to be on so I can graduate on time. And how can you think otherwise on this: of course jo will seem like he can be there for you more because he's constantly around you, steph.
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