Now I feel kind of like a jerk
I can't believe I never wrote about how Grandpa died.
Long story very short, on August 19th, he died. It was like 1 in the morning, maybe 2. I can't remember at this exact moment. Anyways, Dad was the last person to see him alive. He actually saw him die. It was so strange because when the phone rang, I knew. And I was sad. But I wasn't.
I cried, but I didn't hardcore cry like I did for Nana or Casey or Mackenzie. Because I knew this was happening. I'd watched him writher away for practically a year. It was so heartbreaking then, and continued to be. But as time wore on, it got easier. Probably because I soon realized that my Grandpa had died months before. The man who took his last breath on that bed was just the frail, thin shell of the man who I loved so much. (great now I'm crying) I was fortunate enough to have seen him on the day before he basically turned comatose. Mom, Dad, and I visited and we watched TV and he talked a bit to us. He knows that I love him. I know that he heard me. The next time was scary because he suddenly didn't know anyone, and the time after that he looked already dead. That was day he died. We all sat in a dim room, Mom, Dad, Nik, Lynn, Keith, Aunt Ginny, Cousin Bobbie, and I. We all watched as 45 seconds would pass between each breath. We tried to make it easy. And I think we did.
Nikki and I told him jokes before we left. And I handed him Edward, because Nana died with Edward and I just knew he'd want to. He didn't look at us, and I don't think he even knew we were there. I hope he could hear us. Even if he didn't understand us or who we were, I hope he knows that we were two people who loved him so much, at the very least.
Mom, Nik, and I all went to Grandma's house to sleep. There was no way all four of us would have slept in that room comfortably. Dad stayed behind. Nikki and I didn't sleep. We snacked a bit secretly and just sorta laid around. Then we heard Mom's phone and knew. We went into her room and didn't really ask, we knew. She left then to go get Dad. Nikki and I eventually fell asleep and woke up around two hours later. Dad was crying, but I know that he was okay. He brought me Edward, because everyone knew he'd eventually go to me. He was my favorite bear, after all.
Grandpa was creamated. I didn't see him alive and I never will again. I don't even think I got the chance to see his ashes. His funeral and views were okay. I cried a bit, but not too much. I was mostly at peace already. I had known this was coming for a while, so I was prepared.
I remember the day I hardcore cried. Dad came home and told me that Grandpa wasn't doing well. He had a week, they told him. He'd come with me to rehearsal that night to tell Becky that I would be gone for a while. So that night, I went to rehearsal and called work to let them know that I would be gone for the rest of the week. I started to cry as I talked to Davey a little bit (poor Davey, he's always gotten my worst calls. Whenever I'm sick or sad, I somehow always talk to him) And then I hung up, closed the door to my dressing room, sat down in the chair, and just wailed. Like, hardcore, body-shaking, no breathing cried. It was for about two mintues, at the least, but it was good enough. I think I got everything out in that cry. I mean, I had cried every time I thought he was going to do soon, but that night I just let it go. I balled my eyes out. And then I was okay. I cried to Hannah a bit, asked her to pray for him to go in peace or something like that, but other then that, I was good. I dunno. I guess, for once, I was prepared. I had been readying myself for so long that when it happened, I was always prepared.
Speaking of SwampO, it was....not the best experience ever. I don't want to get into it right now, but let's just say thank GOD for Hannah and Emily, or else I would have screamed. Maybe I'll write about it on another day.
<3
Julie =^.^=
RIP
E> Grandpa <3
8/19/08
Long story very short, on August 19th, he died. It was like 1 in the morning, maybe 2. I can't remember at this exact moment. Anyways, Dad was the last person to see him alive. He actually saw him die. It was so strange because when the phone rang, I knew. And I was sad. But I wasn't.
I cried, but I didn't hardcore cry like I did for Nana or Casey or Mackenzie. Because I knew this was happening. I'd watched him writher away for practically a year. It was so heartbreaking then, and continued to be. But as time wore on, it got easier. Probably because I soon realized that my Grandpa had died months before. The man who took his last breath on that bed was just the frail, thin shell of the man who I loved so much. (great now I'm crying) I was fortunate enough to have seen him on the day before he basically turned comatose. Mom, Dad, and I visited and we watched TV and he talked a bit to us. He knows that I love him. I know that he heard me. The next time was scary because he suddenly didn't know anyone, and the time after that he looked already dead. That was day he died. We all sat in a dim room, Mom, Dad, Nik, Lynn, Keith, Aunt Ginny, Cousin Bobbie, and I. We all watched as 45 seconds would pass between each breath. We tried to make it easy. And I think we did.
Nikki and I told him jokes before we left. And I handed him Edward, because Nana died with Edward and I just knew he'd want to. He didn't look at us, and I don't think he even knew we were there. I hope he could hear us. Even if he didn't understand us or who we were, I hope he knows that we were two people who loved him so much, at the very least.
Mom, Nik, and I all went to Grandma's house to sleep. There was no way all four of us would have slept in that room comfortably. Dad stayed behind. Nikki and I didn't sleep. We snacked a bit secretly and just sorta laid around. Then we heard Mom's phone and knew. We went into her room and didn't really ask, we knew. She left then to go get Dad. Nikki and I eventually fell asleep and woke up around two hours later. Dad was crying, but I know that he was okay. He brought me Edward, because everyone knew he'd eventually go to me. He was my favorite bear, after all.
Grandpa was creamated. I didn't see him alive and I never will again. I don't even think I got the chance to see his ashes. His funeral and views were okay. I cried a bit, but not too much. I was mostly at peace already. I had known this was coming for a while, so I was prepared.
I remember the day I hardcore cried. Dad came home and told me that Grandpa wasn't doing well. He had a week, they told him. He'd come with me to rehearsal that night to tell Becky that I would be gone for a while. So that night, I went to rehearsal and called work to let them know that I would be gone for the rest of the week. I started to cry as I talked to Davey a little bit (poor Davey, he's always gotten my worst calls. Whenever I'm sick or sad, I somehow always talk to him) And then I hung up, closed the door to my dressing room, sat down in the chair, and just wailed. Like, hardcore, body-shaking, no breathing cried. It was for about two mintues, at the least, but it was good enough. I think I got everything out in that cry. I mean, I had cried every time I thought he was going to do soon, but that night I just let it go. I balled my eyes out. And then I was okay. I cried to Hannah a bit, asked her to pray for him to go in peace or something like that, but other then that, I was good. I dunno. I guess, for once, I was prepared. I had been readying myself for so long that when it happened, I was always prepared.
Speaking of SwampO, it was....not the best experience ever. I don't want to get into it right now, but let's just say thank GOD for Hannah and Emily, or else I would have screamed. Maybe I'll write about it on another day.
<3
Julie =^.^=
RIP
E> Grandpa <3
8/19/08