Please Bring a Photo of Your Inner Beauty for the Shadchan.
In 1996, Sacker studied ultra-Orthodox and Syrian Jewish communities in Brooklyn and found that 1 out of 19 girls was diagnosed with an eating disorder - a rate about 50 percent higher than the general U.S. population.
From here.
That whole article is so incredibly ironic in light of the kiruv machine's continuous insistence that following the laws ( Read more... )
One of the main differences in the frum world is the shidduch system and emphasis on early marriage.
One thing that really surprised me when I was on imamother was the hysteria over the "shidduch crisis". These women were genuinely terrified of having a daughter who was still single at 25, whereas in my world, I was the exception for getting married that young. So, you've got a whole lot of very young women who are constantly getting the message that they have to get married, and they got to make sure that it happens NOW.
Next, you have a shidduch system where the girl isn't going to just meet a guy on her own, but must rely on a shadchan (matchmaker) and the guy's mother. Now, in the rest of the world, plump girls may find it a bit harder than skinny ones, but many still manage because they carry themselves well, have a flirty and outgoing personality, and manage to make their curves look sexy. None of that can really happen in the shidduch system. Instead of impressing a guy, the girl has to impress WOMEN - and they can be far more critical.
Add to that a close-knit community of women who like to talk, and the pressure increases. Long distance shidduchs means that Mrs. Cohen doesn't want to waste her son's time and money on a girl that he won't like, so she wants to make sure that he'll be attracted to her. She asks her friends in the other town what Mrs. Levy's daughter is like. If the town yenta's see Mrs. Levy's daughter shopping in shlumpy clothes, it will get back to Mrs. Cohen. Mrs. Cohen is very open about the fact that she finds out information this way. Pretty soon, families of teenage girls are warning them that they need to look perfect at all times if they want any chance at beating "the shidduch crisis".
Of course, it's not just the girl under the microscope. People will look at the entire family. Someone will say "if you want to know what the girl will look like in 20 years, look at her mother". Now, you've got both mother and daughter obsessing about weight.
So, let's add this up: A girl who is still in her teens is told that she needs to focus on getting married above any other goal. She doesn't have the power to control most elements of this process. Her only way to try to increase her chances in to impress a bunch of middle-age women, including the shadchan and the guy's mother. She is told that she needs to look skinny and perfect to do this. She is obviously living at home through all of this, and her family is getting hysterical. She feels constant pressure from them to lose weight, and sees that her mother has also stopped eating.
Of course, there are other psychological factors as well. Ironically, while pressure to get married can contribute to the problem, so can subconscious reluctance to get married. The girl in this scenario doesn't have a whole lot of control over her life, she's under stress, and she may be more self-disciplined than your average girl of the same age. These are all risk factors. In addition, a thin body is more child-like and looks less sexual. Girls who are uncomfortable with their budding sexual development may be at risk.
JRKmommy
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