I'm sick, tired... I should be asleep.
Title: the way we love (1/3)
Author: argh (@ oneuldo)
Rating: PG-13
Length: 6,221 (of 18k+)
Pairing: Onew/OC, Onew/Minho
Summary: Sometimes hearts can be stubborn. Sometimes you can blindly fall in love, and your stubborn heart just won't move on even if its painful and totally pointless.
Dedication: for thesangtae ♥ this is your (late) fic for your Replay for Japan bid! ^^; The prompt you gave me was kind of vague so I hope this is okay? (If not, I'm planning to write you a second fic too^^;)
Notes: This is unbeta-ed and not really edited because everytime I try to find someone to help me (concrit) with fics they never reply or stop replying. Maybe it's just me, or maybe my fics are that bad that people don't want to help me? I don't know honestly :/ but I also feel bad to make people wait, so I'm posting this because let's face it... no one ever wants to help me with fics. (: So my apologies for the mistakes etc. Updated & beta-read! :)
(That said a massive thank you to ryukilla & towelettepower, shelz88 for reading this through for me^^! ♥ And a huge thank you to my dearest, darling maxism12 ♥ for the amazing title!)
Minho trudged back to his dorm room, his head down and his glasses perched firmly on the end of his nose. He held back his sigh as he walked down the silent and empty corridor; it was a Saturday night, and everyone else in the dorm was out partying. Minho, however, liked having the dorm to himself, he didn’t like going out partying because it reminded him of high school. Minho had hated the way people acted in high school, all the pretense and how fake people were, although university was nowhere near as bad. But it still had the groups of students trying to be popular and cool, except Minho noticed no one really cared in university about them, and that made him smile and feel relieved. It was refreshing to walk around the campus and see how different and unique people were, there was no little box or narrow ideal you had to fit into.
He didn’t mind the fact that everyone in the rooms nearby whispered about him behind his back (he was used to it from high school, only the words had changed). “Oh my god, that kid, he never goes out drinking,” “Did you see that Minho? He was on the soccer field all day practicing, how pathetic!” “Does he have a life outside of sports? I’ve only seen him care about sports. I bet he’s asexual.” The gossip he didn’t care about either, because it only occurred around the dorms, because the campus itself was too big for anyone to care about some anonymous first year whom didn’t drink. That gave Minho a sense of freedom, and the ability to ignore his dorm neighbours and simply focus on what he was interested in, or rather had been the plan until his stupid heart got in the way. Minho wished he felt nothing as he stopped in the hallway, he wished his heart was cold as ice, because then it wouldn’t be breaking right now.
Minho unlocked the door, pushing it open and letting out another sigh when it clicked shut behind him. Part of Minho felt utterly defeated, but at the same time there was a sense of urgency as if he should run out the door and just fight. For once, Minho didn’t appreciate the empty dorm, the silence. Instead he wished his roommate was there, or his boisterous neighbours, anything to distract him from the thoughts and images coursing through his head and the sour tang of bitterness flooding his mouth. For the first time Minho realised he was going to have work a lot harder to win the one thing his heart wanted, the one person who meant everything to him.
He dumped his bag down on the floor, the soccer ball sliding out and rolling over towards the desk in front of the window. Pinching his eyes shut, Minho flopped down onto his bed, trying to push the image of Jinki and that girl out of his. Minho had heard all the rumours, but he had scoffed, not believing any of them until tonight. Now he wished he had taken up the offer his soccer coach had made to him at the start of the year to transfer to another school. Anything to get away from this university, anything to get away from Lee Jinki, even if that really was the last thing Minho wanted.
It all started three years earlier, when Minho was in his last year of high school. Minho was visiting prospective universities with his classmates. The first-year student guiding them around was a dark-haired boy, shorter than Minho and he looked younger too. But for Minho, nothing had registered in his head; instead he had taken one look at the boy standing at the top of the stairs, smiling warmly down at him. Minho had felt as if the world had stopped, frozen in frame; that smile and the warm brown eyes shone so brightly to him.
It had been a rapid slide downhill ever since. Sure, Jinki was good-looking, but the way he talked and was so knowledgeable about the campus, he had Minho hanging on every word. Jinki didn’t seem like a stupid but cute guy like the people at Minho’s high school or a show-off, but he spoke confidently and calmly. Somehow Minho found it even more attractive when he almost slipped over and then just got up with a soft laugh mumbling about “how the air should stop getting in his way and trying to trip him up”.
None of it made any sense to Minho - how could he fall for someone that easily? But no matter what he did, he couldn’t get Jinki out of his head. When Minho had talked about it with his friends Jonghyun and Taemin, they had scoffed and laughed at him, telling him he was ridiculous. Minho knew he was, but even for those six months that he didn’t even see Lee Jinki, he was still in his thoughts. Minho woke up to Jinki’s smile and that velvety voice in his head.
It had felt like fate to Minho too when he’d arrived at his first university lecture to find Jinki there too.
Sitting across the aisle from Minho, with his hair longer and bleached honey blond, he had looked like an angel. Minho spent the whole first lecture studying Jinki instead of listening, not even noticing when class ended. Minho had pushed his glasses up his nose, blinking when he realised the lecture hall was empty except for him and Jinki. Shyly, Minho had looked around, hearing laughter, and he saw a few students leaving. He turned back to his books only to find Jinki beaming at him from across the aisle. Feeling his cheeks flushing with embarrassment, Minho bowed his head quickly in silent greeting.
Minho couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t do anything but stare in silence as Jinki left with a casual wave of his hand. Minho gulped softly, and then he slowly stood up, his knees felt as they couldn’t support him any longer, and Minho wondered how one person could reduce him into this hopeless case. He had been the soccer captain at high school, well-respected, but Lee Jinki only needed to smile and Minho couldn’t even function.
Luckily that hadn’t lasted long, because a month later they had been forced to work on a project together, and so Minho had to get over his inability to function pretty quickly. On the first project Minho’s hands had shaken so much that Jinki had asked him if he had early case of Parkinson’s disease, and then seeing Minho’s blank expression he had gone on to explain how his cousin had an early onset of Parkinson’s from pesticide use. At their second meeting Minho had been so determined not to tremble, that instead he had knocked all of the books off the desk, and they spent the next few moments with their heads almost pressed together picking them up, which had made Minho feel giddy as he studied Jinki’s long eyelashes. Minho had felt guilty for always disrupting their project time, but then Jinki had smiled brightly across at him, and mumbled how happy he was that he wasn’t the only one always dropping things.
But even now, despite the lengths Minho had gone to in trying to build a friendship, they were just acquaintances who knew each other’s names. Minho found that even though Jinki was friendly with everyone he only had a couple of close friends, and he didn’t admit people into that exclusive group easily, or so it seemed from what Minho had seen. It wasn’t that Jinki cared that he was popular with some students; he was just reserved and slightly oblivious, which Minho respected and understood. It was endearing in a way. Minho could still remember the time when someone asked Jinki if he wanted to have lunch with them. Jinki had somehow missed the point and blinked owlishly before muttering that he had brought his own lunch and didn’t need anyone to pay for him. Jinki had walked off, leaving the bewildered student staring almost sadly at Jinki’s retreating back. Minho thought it was adorable, how Jinki had completely misunderstood. Minho also liked the fact that Jinki did treat everyone the same and how, despite his intelligence, he never looked down on anyone.
Jinki, like Minho, never went to parties, and it seemed as if he never dated. Whenever Minho asked anyone who knew Jinki if he went on dates or had a girlfriend (or boyfriend), the answer was always no. It frustrated Minho not even knowing if Jinki was straight or gay, and after two years he desperately wanted to get closer to him. Somehow Minho knew he had to penetrate Jinki’s obliviousness and make Jinki see him. Minho was pretty sure all of Jinki’s friends knew about his ridiculous crush, because he had been dropping the biggest hints ever. On one level, Minho was sure Jinki was straight and that it was probably hopeless, but Minho wasn’t the kind of guy to quit or give up. If anything, it made him want to work harder, even if he knew Jinki wasn’t interested in him.
Sucking in a deep breath, Minho tried to ignore the pain in his chest. He knew it was hopeless, but he couldn’t just give up… not even after what had just happened earlier, when Minho had felt the first crack in his heart.
”Hey Jinki-ssi, are you doing anything tonight?” Minho fiddled with the ball in his hands, biting his lip as he looked across at the gorgeous boy in front of him. “I thought, um, we could go and eat dinner together, if you’re free.” Minho mentally high-fived himself; finally he had got the words out, finally he had asked Jinki out on a sort-of date. Minho pushed his glasses back on his nose, biting his lip, the thudding of his heart as loud as the thump of a foot kicking a soccer ball. It was ridiculous how being around Jinki made Minho feel so insecure and unsure of himself.
“Sorry, Minho-ya,” Jinki said, smiling at Minho, “I’m busy tonight. I’m usually free, but tonight there’s something on.” Jinki’s smile widened, and for the first time, Minho could see how excited Jinki was by the way he bounced on his feet, his eyes lit up brightly. Minho frowned a little, wondering what that “something” was, as Jinki fidgeted, almost toppling over as he continued to bounce on the balls of his feet. Minho gulped, realising that Jinki’s nervousness had nothing to do with him. He had hoped that maybe he made Jinki as nervous as he always felt around Jinki. But of course Jinki had plans. Letting out a soft breath, Minho nodded his head slowly; he should’ve known Jinki would turn him down.
“Oppa! Oppa!”
Minho froze, wondering who was calling out ‘oppa’. With a slight frown he turned, gasping when he saw a tall girl, with long, wavy brown hair running towards them. Her large round eyes were bright, and Minho felt the air sucked out of his lungs as the girl latched onto Jinki’s arm. Jinki laughed shyly, giving the grass a nervous glance, before he shifted back letting her hand slip from his arm. In the fading light, Minho could see Jinki’s cheeks turning red. Minho couldn’t breathe, the air stolen from his body as he watched Jinki slip his arm around her, touching her back gently before pulling away again, hands trembling a little. The girl, however, grabbed onto Jinki’s arm, tugging it back around her waist.
Minho stood unable to move, realising that Jinki wasn’t even going to introduce them, Minho’s chest throbbed painfully, why hadn’t Jinki introduced her to him? Was he so unimportant to Jinki that he didn’t deserve to be introduced, for the first time Jinki seemed to tower above Minho, and he felt as he if he couldn’t reach high enough to touch Jinki’s hand.
“See ya, Minho,” Jinki called back, not even glancing over his shoulder at him. Minho watched, wide-eyed, as Jinki and the girl, left. Minho dropped the soccer ball, letting it slip onto the field before him, eyes locked on how Jinki’s arm rested around the girl’s waist. Minho’s cheeks felt hot, and he wanted to hide behind his hands, how could he be so stupid to believe the rumours that Jinki never dated, not when he saw him walking away with that girl, that girl in the shorts that barely covered her ass. Jinki’s friends had probably lied to Minho, because they didn’t like him being nosy.
Minho felt like the biggest idiot in the world. He had thought Jinki was excited to see him, that Jinki was as happy as Minho had been when he’d spied him on the soccer field. But all along, Jinki had been waiting for her. Minho touched his chest as if in pain; he was hopeless and ridiculous. He needed to get over Lee Jinki, but his stupid, stubborn heart refused to let him. Somehow or another, Minho wasn’t going to give up until Jinki out-right rejected him.
ΞΘΞ
“Hey, you lazy ass, get up,” Sungjong chirped brightly next to Minho’s ear, his high voice irritating the hell out of Minho, who just grumbled and rolled over. “Oh god, come on, Minho, we’re gonna be late if you keep on sleeping.” Sungjong poked Minho in the chest, but Minho ignored him. He was exhausted after lying awake half of the night imagining Jinki and the girl together. Minho groaned again, wishing he could ignore Jonghyun’s advice that he needed to get laid. Maybe he did, but Minho wasn’t interested in sleeping with some semi-drunk guy, and it wasn’t as if he had any people interested in him. The glasses that Minho wore seemed to keep people away, which was what Minho wanted… or had until he met Jinki. But now Minho wished there was someone to distract him from liking Jinki.
“Lee Jinki-ssi is here to see you,” Sungjong half-sang, and instantly Minho sat up, glancing around the room hopefully. Sungjong grinned victoriously, shifting back before Minho could hit him. Minho groaned and glared across at his roommate. “What? It works every time. You are so fucking predictable,” Sungjong said with a shrug, laughing as he sat back on the side of his bed. Minho wanted to kill Sungjong; it was embarrassing how often he fell for that trick.
“Yeah, yeah.” Minho sighed heavily, rubbing his eyes . “Sungjonggie, I need to get over Jinki.” The look on his face must’ve been pathetic from the way Sungjong gasped as if shocked. Minho sucked in a deep breath, he felt rather shocked himself - it was the first time he’d even suggested giving up on Jinki. Sungjong slid off his bed and crawled onto Minho’s. Before he could protest, Sungjong burrowed under his covers, sitting next to him and leaning back against the head board, his thigh flush against Minho’s.
“Sungjonggie, what the hell?” Minho shifted over, blinking as he tried to move away from Sungjong in the single bed. Why was his roommate suddenly sitting in bed with him? “Sungjong?” Minho repeated, frowning as Sungjong leaned in closer, seeming to study Minho’s face carefully. A sudden cough made them both look up, and Minho froze as he saw Jinki leaning against the doorframe, and Jonghyun standing beside Jinki.
Minho didn’t even think Jinki knew which room he lived in, much less that he even cared. Minho gulped, turning to glare at Sungjong, but his roommate just grinned and threw his arm around Minho’s waist, snuggling in close to him.
“Ew,” Jonghyun said, frowning at Minho and Sungjong. “Guys, can you do that after we’ve left?” Jonghyun shuddered slightly, laughing as he turned speak to Jinki again. Minho glared and went to push Sungjong off his bed, but then he heard Jinki’s soft laughter and turned, suddenly wondering why Jinki was even in his doorway. It was unusual for Jinki to come looking for him, and Minho felt something like hope filling his insides.
“Um, hyung, what’s going on?” Sungjong finally got up, standing between the beds and directing the question at Jonghyun, since he didn’t know Jinki personally. “It’s still pretty early for you guys to be here.” Sungjong smiled shyly across at Jinki, who smiled back with his usual warm smile.
“Oh sorry, but Jinki-hyung wanted to tell Minho something.” Jonghyun shrugged. “He didn’t know where his room was,” Jonghyun explained, winking at Minho, who was still sitting on his bed, his back against the headboard, stiff with shock at the sight of Jinki. Before Minho could reply, he remembered he was only in his boxers. His face flushing, Minho started to tug the sheet up to cover himself, but then, he stopped, hands shifting around the sheet awkwardly, until he realised his old and faded pink heart covered boxers weren’t visible. Taking a deep breath, Minho looked over to where Jinki stood, internally groaning as he realised his hair was probably a mess. How could anyone find him attractive when he was sitting shirtless in bed?
“Yeah, sorry, Minho-ya, I forgot to ask you last night.” Jinki scratched his head, looking apologetic, and Minho felt his heart race as he heard those words. Jinki looked so good, smiling across at him with his lips curved up so high that his bright eyes disappeared into crescents, that Minho forgot everything, his mouth going dry. Maybe Jinki was going to say yes to dinner? Minho felt his heart beating faster, as he looked up at Jinki’s eye smile. “Hey, I was wondering if you had a partner yet for that assignment? If not, do you want to do it with me?” Jinki shifted from one foot to the other, biting his lip so hard that all Minho could think about was kissing Jinki and tugging that lower lip into his mouth.
Yes, hyung, I want to do it with you. Who wouldn’t want to do it with you, hyung? Minho swallowed, flushing slightly, when he realised that Jinki’s words were, in fact, innocent. Quickly he nodded his head, looking down at the bedding, too nervous about Jinki’s reaction to even dare to glance at him. When he risked a look up, Jinki was beaming at him, and the sight of Jinki’s smile made Minho feel like he was dancing on the inside. Lee Jinki wants to do his project with me! He wants to work with me!
“Ah, okay, good. I’ll talk to you in class about it. Sorry, uh, for disturbing your sleep.” Jinki nodded his head once, smiling again briefly before starting to leave. Minho decided it would be a good time to get out of bed, anything to stop Jinki from leaving. He started to rise, and in his excitement he got his legs tangled in the sheets, so he ended up lying face down on the floor, with his old and faded boxers on display for all to see.
He started to rise, and in his excitement he fell, landing face down on the floor. Minho felt his face heat and when he looked up, Jinki was blinking down at him, surprise and confusion on his face, as if surprised that someone other than him had fallen for a change.
Minho wished right then and there that the world would end, that a nuclear bomb would explode above the campus and just end his pathetic, miserable, awkward existence. He groaned and squeezed his eyes shut, blocking out the sight of Jinki’s confused face. Jonghyun and Sungjong were roaring with laughter, and Minho dreaded hearing Jinki join in, but when he opened his eyes Jinki was gone. Minho glared at his two so-called friends, wishing that they’d be poisoned and die a horrible, slow and pain-filled death.
“Hyung, that was pathetic,” Sungjong said, choking back another fit of giggles once Jonghyun had left. “It was going so well. You were looking all sexy and shirtless in bed.” Sungjong sighed, moving his hand up and down awkwardly, reminding Minho of a gesture he’d see in a dramatic soap opera scene.
Sungjong sighed, waving one hand tragically. “And then you tried to get up and fell revealing those hideous boxers. What kind of an athlete are you?” Sungjong tsk-ed and shook his head slowly.
“Oh, and you act any different around Myungsoo?” Minho snapped back, glaring until he saw the way Sungjong paled and then turned a horrible shade of red, suddenly going silent. “Ha, got you.” Minho smirked, pumping his fist in the air as he slowly pulled his clothes out of his closet. Minho figured he had time for a run before his first class, so he might as well go and work Jinki out of his thoughts for at least a little while.
ΞΘΞ
“So I guess this means you’re not going to stop liking Jinki then?” Minho stopped the little victory dance he’d been doing, whirling around to find Sungjong standing in the doorway grinning at him. “Hyung you’re so adorable but you dance so awkwardly,” Minho felt his cheeks heat as he glanced down at himself, hands instinctively reaching for his glasses. Sungjong pressed one hand to his hip as he sashayed over to where Minho stood.
“Oh, you’re back.” Minho adjusted his glasses carefully, blinking as he stepped back towards his desk and almost walked into the chair. “No, I-I, uh, have to get over him.” Minho declared, pulling the chair out and sitting down heavily. Minho frowned; he hated the idea of quitting, but he also didn’t want to burden Jinki with his feelings if they became closer, which Minho hoped they would. Being friends was better than nothing.
“Okay, hyung, good luck. Oh, don’t you have class now?” Sungjong frowned as he looked up at the clock, and Minho glanced up at it too, gasping before he grabbed his bag and started to run off. “Ah hyung, so silly. Wait, hyung!”
Minho stopped and turned back to see Sungjong smiling at him before calling out, “Your hair is a mess,” Minho bit his lip, glancing down as he saw Sungjong motioning at his shirt, and then Minho tugged at it, trying to get the creases out of it.
Minho wasn’t panting when he reached the small lecture hall, thanks to his soccer training. He pushed his glasses on firmly as he looked around, trying to spot Jinki. Heat flooded his chest when Minho saw Jinki motioning for him to come and sit next to him. Minho breathed in deeply as he saw a small bunch of students glaring at him. Minho blinked and then felt happy as he realised that those students had seen Jinki’s bright smile and the way he gestured at Minho. Ignoring them, he went over to sit next to Jinki, feeling strangely elated. Jinki had never noticed him coming in before or asked him to sit with him. Minho’s elation didn’t last long, though.
“So how was it, hyung?”
Minho frowned when he realised that Jinki was talking to the person next to him and wasn’t even looking in Minho’s direction. Minho sighed and started to take out his notebook, deciding not to listen in, but even before Jinki said a word, Minho was leaning closer to hear better. He just couldn’t help himself, figuring it was about the night before.
“It was awesome, Kibum-ah, really awesome.”
Minho felt his heart clench as he heard the happiness in Jinki’s voice, and he wished that he knew what they were talking about. Why were they both being so vague? Minho couldn’t help but think the worst. Biting his lip, Minho sat patiently, wishing he knew what made Jinki so deliriously happy. What if he had had sex with that girl last night, it made Jinki’s heart freeze and he wanted to scream.
“Ah, so last night was even better than you thought it would be?”
“Yeah it was.”
Minho felt sick; he didn’t even want to hear the reply. He tried to breathe, remembering how Jinki and that girl had been all over each other. Minho shivered and tried to tell himself it would be okay, but when he heard Jinki’s voice and the happiness in it, it felt as if someone was driving nails into his heart one by one. The pain intensified every second that class went on, and by the end Minho just wanted to leave.
ΞΘΞ
“Minho-ya, where are you going?” Jinki asked softly. Minho stopped and turned back, he had forgotten about the project. “I’m sorry we didn’t have time before class to talk, but can we talk about it now?” Minho bit his lip, wishing he was stronger, wishing he could just shake his head and tell him to fuck off, but as soon as Jinki smiled at him, Minho’s resolve was gone, even if the pain was still there, throbbing in his chest.
“Sorry, I, uh, forgot,” Minho sheepishly whispered, stepping down from his seat and moving towards where his heart lay shattered, in front of Jinki. “Um, so. Um.” Minho pressed his hand to his mouth. Real fucking smooth. You fucking idiot, no wonder he doesn’t like you.
They discussed the science project for thirty minutes before Jinki said he had to leave. Minho just nodded, still feeling light-headed from being so close to Jinki. Minho sucked in a deep breath as Jinki turned to look at him again, smiling brightly as he zipped up his bag.
“You, um, have really nice eyes,” Jinki commented as he straightened up, and Minho felt his heart lurch in his chest. Minho gaped at Jinki. It was the first time he had ever said anything about Minho’s appearance, the first time he had given him a compliment. Minho’s thoughts felt scrambled as soon as he heard Jinki compliment him, his thoughts spinning round and round in circles. Minho stood up slowly, blurting out the first words that popped into his head.
“I, uh, really like you, Jinki-ssi,” Minho murmured, hands shaking, as he earnestly looked across at Jinki through his thick-framed glasses, wishing for once he had worn his contacts. “I like you a lot,” Minho repeated with a nod of his head, unable to stop himself from beaming, and then pushed his glasses back onto his nose, waiting hopefully for something.
“Um, that’s nice,” Jinki mumbled absentmindedly, and when Minho looked over, he could see Jinki was staring intently at his phone. A sinking feeling settled in Minho’s stomach. He didn’t even know if Jinki had heard him or was even paying attention. Minho felt like the biggest idiot ever; he knew Jinki liked the girl from the night before, and he had just confessed like a moron. Minho hated how hopeless and pathetic he was around Jinki. Maybe if he stopped liking him, he would return to his usual self again.
ΞΘΞ
“Hyung, you’re hopeless.” Sungjong stood with his arms crossed in front of his chest, leaning against the wall of their dorm room. Minho flopped back on his bed with his hands over his face. “I guess you’ve heard the news then.”
Minho moved one hand away from his face, staring up at Sungjong with a pout. “Yeah, I heard the rumours.” He breathed in deeply, trying to calm himself. “I kind of knew, but I hoped, you know?” Sungjong nodded his head.
“Yeah, my heart aches at the thought of Myungsoo getting a girlfriend, I’m so sorry hyung.”
“What are you going to do?” Sungjong bit his lip. He straightened up and then moved to sit next to Minho on the bed, one arm casually draped across Minho’s leg. “Sorry, I just wondered. I have no idea what I’d do if I was in the same situation.” Sungjong shook his head, pouting as he idly slid his fingers along Minho’s calves in weird patterns. It tickled a little, but Minho felt better at the touch, because it distracted him a little and he knew Sungjong understood.
“Uh, sorry to, um, disturb you both, but the door was unlocked. Should I come back later?”
Minho shot up at the sound of Jinki’s voice, and Sungjong turned to look at Jinki, who was standing in the doorway for the second time that day, this time looking slightly surprised. Immediately Minho began to shake his head. He slid off his bed (more carefully this time) and stood up, looking across at Jinki. Minho couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face as he eyed Jinki, who was beaming back at him.
“No no, um, nothing’s going on, he’s just really touchy-feely!” Minho stuttered out, shaking his head. “Now is perfect. Yeah, really perfect, Jinki-hyung!” Minho started to nod his head, ignoring the way Sungjong rolled his eyes and mumbled “pathetic” under his breath. Minho glared at Sungjong for a second before turning to smile at Jinki again.
“Oh good, shall we work on the project then?” Jinki said, smiling and walking into the room. “Um, do you want to go to the library?” Minho nodded his head, feeling his heart starting to pound softly as Jinki smiled at him. Minho wished he knew why it was that seeing that smile, the way Jinki’s lips curved up and his eyes disappeared into half crescents, made him melt so much.
“We can do it here. It’ll save us lugging all that paperwork to the library,” Minho replied with a shrug. “And I’m sure Sungjong has something he needs to do, right?” Minho smiled sweetly across at Sungjong before he began to subtly tug on his arm, drawing him towards the door.
“Actually, hyung,” Sungjong began, smiling back just as sweetly as he lay down on the bed, spreading out and getting comfortable, “I have nothing on this afternoon. I planned to spend the time consoling you.” Sungjong’s smile grew wider, and he batted his eyes softly, ignoring the way Minho gripped his arm tightly and glared at him. Jinki just looked confused by the whole situation, blinking his eyes slowly.
“So I think I’ll just stay here.” Sungjong nodded his head, pushing Minho’s hand away from his arm. “Just pretend I’m not here.” Minho glared at Sungjong; he knew Sungjong would just watch them and make kissy faces at Minho when Jinki wasn’t looking. Minho sighed with irritation, as Jinki walked across the room and sat down at one of the desks.
“Okay, we should get started?” Jinki murmured. “We don’t want to be stuck here all evening.” Jinki grinned sheepishly, and Minho felt his mood darken. Oh, you probably want to spend time with your new girlfriend. It’s not like I have any plans, except to kick a soccer ball around on a stupid field.
ΞΘΞ
Over time, Minho hoped that he would stop liking Jinki. Especially when he confessed to Jinki, and the older boy finally seemed to realise what Minho was saying, he finally understood what Minho meant. “Hyung, I really like you. I like you more than a friend hyung, I want to kiss you and be with you.” Minho wanted to slap himself for letting the last few words out, he knew they would scare anyone off.
When Minho glanced over to see Jinki’s expression it hurt to see the way Jinki flinched as if Minho had hit him, and then he stepped backwards as if he was afraid that Minho would just kiss him. Minho breathed in deeply, staring down at the floor so he didn’t have to see the hate he was sure he would see in Jinki’s eyes. “I’m really sorry Minho, but I don’t like… boys. I’m not attracted to you at all, only girls. I’m really sorry.”
Minho glanced up to see a sad smile across Jinki’s face, “We can still be friends.” Jinki nodded his head, but Minho couldn’t forget the way Jinki had flinched from his words. Minho wanted to stay away from Jinki, because hurt to remember that confession and Jinki’s reaction to it.
But despite that, Minho found it impossible to stay away from Jinki. He realised that in the end, as long as Jinki was happy, he could be happy too. Well, that was the plan - he was determined to be happy, provided that Jinki was also happy.
Minho sighed and placed the beer mug down on the table, staring blankly into space as he sat in the dimly lit bar. It wasn’t somewhere that Minho went usually, but Sungjong had begged him to go out that night and it was the only place they’d found that was still open. Minho picked up his notes and tried to concentrate, ignoring the stares. Really who came to a bar to study? Minho had a test coming up, though, and he really didn’t want to fail.
After thirty minutes, Minho put his pen down, lips set in a straight line. It was impossible to concentrate. It wasn’t the bar that was distracting him, but the thoughts swirling through his head. Minho had told himself that as long as Jinki was happy, he could be happy, but the problem was Jinki hadn’t seemed so happy lately. Minho had noticed that Jinki wasn’t smiling so much, and it made Minho’s heart ache because he just wanted Jinki to be happy, even if it wasn’t with him.
Minho took another sip of his rapidly cooling beer but almost about choked when he looked over and saw Jinki and his girlfriend, Yui, standing over at the bar. Minho coughed and put the beer down, glancing down quickly, his heart pounding. He wondered how long they’d been standing there. Minho slumped down in the seat so he no longer looked so tall and slipped his papers into his bag. Checking the time, Minho started to get up, but he made the mistake of looking over at Jinki and Yui again. They looked like they were arguing. Minho frowned, staring at Yui’s cold expression and the way Jinki’s body stiffened. He looked so dejected, like a kicked puppy. Shaking his head, Minho stood up to leave. It was none of his business. He grabbed his bag and started to walk towards the door, but the sight of Yui heading in the same direction instinctively made Minho turn to see Jinki slumped over the bar. Minho knew he should leave but instead he walked over to where Jinki was sitting.
“Hyung.” Minho breathed in deeply as a sad-eyed Jinki looked up at him, his eyes widening in surprise. “Hyung, are you okay?” Minho gripped the edge of the bar, knuckles whitening as Jinki released a slow exhalation and shook his head in hesitant jerks. Jinki looked like he was about to cry; his eyes were all watery. Minho’s hands gripped the edge of the bar harder. He hated Yui, hated her for making Jinki like this.
“I’ll be fine,” Jinki murmured softly. “What are you doing here?” Jinki looked curiously up at Minho. “You don’t go to bars very often, do you?” Minho felt like asking Jinki the same thing. Jinki was the studious type after all, although he didn’t really need to study and still got the highest scores. That was one of the reasons why Jinki was so popular in certain circles.
“It’s the only place open this late,” Minho replied with a shrug. “My roommate kicked me out.” Minho bit his lip. He knew he sounded like a loser for saying that, but he also didn’t feel like lying. Jinki nodded his head slowly, and Minho could still see the sadness in his eyes. It made Minho want to scream and just hold Jinki, but he knew that wouldn’t achieve anything. Jinki didn’t like him back, and forcing himself on Jinki would only make Minho look bad. The last thing he wanted was Jinki avoiding him.
“Hyung, if you need someone to talk to, you know I’ll always listen. Anytime, anything -- you just need to ask and I’ll do it,” Minho gasped out, realising that he’d had too much to drink and shouldn’t be talking, but the words just kept spilling out. “Really, hyung, you just need to ask and I’ll do it. I’ll listen to you. I just want you to be happy.” Minho took a sip of his beer, anything to shut himself up, and he could feel Jinki’s surprised gaze.
“You can, um, come to my room any time if your roommate kicks you out,” Jinki offered. “It only seems fair if you’ll listen to me. But still, how can I do that to you?” Jinki whispered shaking his head slowly, and Minho found himself gripping Jinki’s wrist lightly, turning to look at Jinki. He drank him in with his eyes, memorising the way Jinki’s plump lips curved upwards and the way his eyelids fluttered slightly.
“You can, Jinki-hyung. I want to be there for you. Please let me help you in some way,” Minho whispered, his voice breaking as he clung to Jinki. He knew the way he was acting was pathetic, but at the same time he wanted it so bad. Minho’s heart was pounding so fast when Jinki looked right into his eyes and slowly nodded his head.
Author: argh (@ oneuldo)
Rating: PG-13
Length: 6,221 (of 18k+)
Pairing: Onew/OC, Onew/Minho
Summary: Sometimes hearts can be stubborn. Sometimes you can blindly fall in love, and your stubborn heart just won't move on even if its painful and totally pointless.
Dedication: for thesangtae ♥ this is your (late) fic for your Replay for Japan bid! ^^; The prompt you gave me was kind of vague so I hope this is okay? (If not, I'm planning to write you a second fic too^^;)
Notes: This is unbeta-ed and not really edited because everytime I try to find someone to help me (concrit) with fics they never reply or stop replying. Maybe it's just me, or maybe my fics are that bad that people don't want to help me? I don't know honestly :/ but I also feel bad to make people wait, so I'm posting this because let's face it... no one ever wants to help me with fics. (: So my apologies for the mistakes etc. Updated & beta-read! :)
(That said a massive thank you to ryukilla & towelettepower, shelz88 for reading this through for me^^! ♥ And a huge thank you to my dearest, darling maxism12 ♥ for the amazing title!)
Minho trudged back to his dorm room, his head down and his glasses perched firmly on the end of his nose. He held back his sigh as he walked down the silent and empty corridor; it was a Saturday night, and everyone else in the dorm was out partying. Minho, however, liked having the dorm to himself, he didn’t like going out partying because it reminded him of high school. Minho had hated the way people acted in high school, all the pretense and how fake people were, although university was nowhere near as bad. But it still had the groups of students trying to be popular and cool, except Minho noticed no one really cared in university about them, and that made him smile and feel relieved. It was refreshing to walk around the campus and see how different and unique people were, there was no little box or narrow ideal you had to fit into.
He didn’t mind the fact that everyone in the rooms nearby whispered about him behind his back (he was used to it from high school, only the words had changed). “Oh my god, that kid, he never goes out drinking,” “Did you see that Minho? He was on the soccer field all day practicing, how pathetic!” “Does he have a life outside of sports? I’ve only seen him care about sports. I bet he’s asexual.” The gossip he didn’t care about either, because it only occurred around the dorms, because the campus itself was too big for anyone to care about some anonymous first year whom didn’t drink. That gave Minho a sense of freedom, and the ability to ignore his dorm neighbours and simply focus on what he was interested in, or rather had been the plan until his stupid heart got in the way. Minho wished he felt nothing as he stopped in the hallway, he wished his heart was cold as ice, because then it wouldn’t be breaking right now.
Minho unlocked the door, pushing it open and letting out another sigh when it clicked shut behind him. Part of Minho felt utterly defeated, but at the same time there was a sense of urgency as if he should run out the door and just fight. For once, Minho didn’t appreciate the empty dorm, the silence. Instead he wished his roommate was there, or his boisterous neighbours, anything to distract him from the thoughts and images coursing through his head and the sour tang of bitterness flooding his mouth. For the first time Minho realised he was going to have work a lot harder to win the one thing his heart wanted, the one person who meant everything to him.
He dumped his bag down on the floor, the soccer ball sliding out and rolling over towards the desk in front of the window. Pinching his eyes shut, Minho flopped down onto his bed, trying to push the image of Jinki and that girl out of his. Minho had heard all the rumours, but he had scoffed, not believing any of them until tonight. Now he wished he had taken up the offer his soccer coach had made to him at the start of the year to transfer to another school. Anything to get away from this university, anything to get away from Lee Jinki, even if that really was the last thing Minho wanted.
It all started three years earlier, when Minho was in his last year of high school. Minho was visiting prospective universities with his classmates. The first-year student guiding them around was a dark-haired boy, shorter than Minho and he looked younger too. But for Minho, nothing had registered in his head; instead he had taken one look at the boy standing at the top of the stairs, smiling warmly down at him. Minho had felt as if the world had stopped, frozen in frame; that smile and the warm brown eyes shone so brightly to him.
It had been a rapid slide downhill ever since. Sure, Jinki was good-looking, but the way he talked and was so knowledgeable about the campus, he had Minho hanging on every word. Jinki didn’t seem like a stupid but cute guy like the people at Minho’s high school or a show-off, but he spoke confidently and calmly. Somehow Minho found it even more attractive when he almost slipped over and then just got up with a soft laugh mumbling about “how the air should stop getting in his way and trying to trip him up”.
None of it made any sense to Minho - how could he fall for someone that easily? But no matter what he did, he couldn’t get Jinki out of his head. When Minho had talked about it with his friends Jonghyun and Taemin, they had scoffed and laughed at him, telling him he was ridiculous. Minho knew he was, but even for those six months that he didn’t even see Lee Jinki, he was still in his thoughts. Minho woke up to Jinki’s smile and that velvety voice in his head.
It had felt like fate to Minho too when he’d arrived at his first university lecture to find Jinki there too.
Sitting across the aisle from Minho, with his hair longer and bleached honey blond, he had looked like an angel. Minho spent the whole first lecture studying Jinki instead of listening, not even noticing when class ended. Minho had pushed his glasses up his nose, blinking when he realised the lecture hall was empty except for him and Jinki. Shyly, Minho had looked around, hearing laughter, and he saw a few students leaving. He turned back to his books only to find Jinki beaming at him from across the aisle. Feeling his cheeks flushing with embarrassment, Minho bowed his head quickly in silent greeting.
Minho couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t do anything but stare in silence as Jinki left with a casual wave of his hand. Minho gulped softly, and then he slowly stood up, his knees felt as they couldn’t support him any longer, and Minho wondered how one person could reduce him into this hopeless case. He had been the soccer captain at high school, well-respected, but Lee Jinki only needed to smile and Minho couldn’t even function.
Luckily that hadn’t lasted long, because a month later they had been forced to work on a project together, and so Minho had to get over his inability to function pretty quickly. On the first project Minho’s hands had shaken so much that Jinki had asked him if he had early case of Parkinson’s disease, and then seeing Minho’s blank expression he had gone on to explain how his cousin had an early onset of Parkinson’s from pesticide use. At their second meeting Minho had been so determined not to tremble, that instead he had knocked all of the books off the desk, and they spent the next few moments with their heads almost pressed together picking them up, which had made Minho feel giddy as he studied Jinki’s long eyelashes. Minho had felt guilty for always disrupting their project time, but then Jinki had smiled brightly across at him, and mumbled how happy he was that he wasn’t the only one always dropping things.
But even now, despite the lengths Minho had gone to in trying to build a friendship, they were just acquaintances who knew each other’s names. Minho found that even though Jinki was friendly with everyone he only had a couple of close friends, and he didn’t admit people into that exclusive group easily, or so it seemed from what Minho had seen. It wasn’t that Jinki cared that he was popular with some students; he was just reserved and slightly oblivious, which Minho respected and understood. It was endearing in a way. Minho could still remember the time when someone asked Jinki if he wanted to have lunch with them. Jinki had somehow missed the point and blinked owlishly before muttering that he had brought his own lunch and didn’t need anyone to pay for him. Jinki had walked off, leaving the bewildered student staring almost sadly at Jinki’s retreating back. Minho thought it was adorable, how Jinki had completely misunderstood. Minho also liked the fact that Jinki did treat everyone the same and how, despite his intelligence, he never looked down on anyone.
Jinki, like Minho, never went to parties, and it seemed as if he never dated. Whenever Minho asked anyone who knew Jinki if he went on dates or had a girlfriend (or boyfriend), the answer was always no. It frustrated Minho not even knowing if Jinki was straight or gay, and after two years he desperately wanted to get closer to him. Somehow Minho knew he had to penetrate Jinki’s obliviousness and make Jinki see him. Minho was pretty sure all of Jinki’s friends knew about his ridiculous crush, because he had been dropping the biggest hints ever. On one level, Minho was sure Jinki was straight and that it was probably hopeless, but Minho wasn’t the kind of guy to quit or give up. If anything, it made him want to work harder, even if he knew Jinki wasn’t interested in him.
Sucking in a deep breath, Minho tried to ignore the pain in his chest. He knew it was hopeless, but he couldn’t just give up… not even after what had just happened earlier, when Minho had felt the first crack in his heart.
”Hey Jinki-ssi, are you doing anything tonight?” Minho fiddled with the ball in his hands, biting his lip as he looked across at the gorgeous boy in front of him. “I thought, um, we could go and eat dinner together, if you’re free.” Minho mentally high-fived himself; finally he had got the words out, finally he had asked Jinki out on a sort-of date. Minho pushed his glasses back on his nose, biting his lip, the thudding of his heart as loud as the thump of a foot kicking a soccer ball. It was ridiculous how being around Jinki made Minho feel so insecure and unsure of himself.
“Sorry, Minho-ya,” Jinki said, smiling at Minho, “I’m busy tonight. I’m usually free, but tonight there’s something on.” Jinki’s smile widened, and for the first time, Minho could see how excited Jinki was by the way he bounced on his feet, his eyes lit up brightly. Minho frowned a little, wondering what that “something” was, as Jinki fidgeted, almost toppling over as he continued to bounce on the balls of his feet. Minho gulped, realising that Jinki’s nervousness had nothing to do with him. He had hoped that maybe he made Jinki as nervous as he always felt around Jinki. But of course Jinki had plans. Letting out a soft breath, Minho nodded his head slowly; he should’ve known Jinki would turn him down.
“Oppa! Oppa!”
Minho froze, wondering who was calling out ‘oppa’. With a slight frown he turned, gasping when he saw a tall girl, with long, wavy brown hair running towards them. Her large round eyes were bright, and Minho felt the air sucked out of his lungs as the girl latched onto Jinki’s arm. Jinki laughed shyly, giving the grass a nervous glance, before he shifted back letting her hand slip from his arm. In the fading light, Minho could see Jinki’s cheeks turning red. Minho couldn’t breathe, the air stolen from his body as he watched Jinki slip his arm around her, touching her back gently before pulling away again, hands trembling a little. The girl, however, grabbed onto Jinki’s arm, tugging it back around her waist.
Minho stood unable to move, realising that Jinki wasn’t even going to introduce them, Minho’s chest throbbed painfully, why hadn’t Jinki introduced her to him? Was he so unimportant to Jinki that he didn’t deserve to be introduced, for the first time Jinki seemed to tower above Minho, and he felt as he if he couldn’t reach high enough to touch Jinki’s hand.
“See ya, Minho,” Jinki called back, not even glancing over his shoulder at him. Minho watched, wide-eyed, as Jinki and the girl, left. Minho dropped the soccer ball, letting it slip onto the field before him, eyes locked on how Jinki’s arm rested around the girl’s waist. Minho’s cheeks felt hot, and he wanted to hide behind his hands, how could he be so stupid to believe the rumours that Jinki never dated, not when he saw him walking away with that girl, that girl in the shorts that barely covered her ass. Jinki’s friends had probably lied to Minho, because they didn’t like him being nosy.
Minho felt like the biggest idiot in the world. He had thought Jinki was excited to see him, that Jinki was as happy as Minho had been when he’d spied him on the soccer field. But all along, Jinki had been waiting for her. Minho touched his chest as if in pain; he was hopeless and ridiculous. He needed to get over Lee Jinki, but his stupid, stubborn heart refused to let him. Somehow or another, Minho wasn’t going to give up until Jinki out-right rejected him.
ΞΘΞ
“Hey, you lazy ass, get up,” Sungjong chirped brightly next to Minho’s ear, his high voice irritating the hell out of Minho, who just grumbled and rolled over. “Oh god, come on, Minho, we’re gonna be late if you keep on sleeping.” Sungjong poked Minho in the chest, but Minho ignored him. He was exhausted after lying awake half of the night imagining Jinki and the girl together. Minho groaned again, wishing he could ignore Jonghyun’s advice that he needed to get laid. Maybe he did, but Minho wasn’t interested in sleeping with some semi-drunk guy, and it wasn’t as if he had any people interested in him. The glasses that Minho wore seemed to keep people away, which was what Minho wanted… or had until he met Jinki. But now Minho wished there was someone to distract him from liking Jinki.
“Lee Jinki-ssi is here to see you,” Sungjong half-sang, and instantly Minho sat up, glancing around the room hopefully. Sungjong grinned victoriously, shifting back before Minho could hit him. Minho groaned and glared across at his roommate. “What? It works every time. You are so fucking predictable,” Sungjong said with a shrug, laughing as he sat back on the side of his bed. Minho wanted to kill Sungjong; it was embarrassing how often he fell for that trick.
“Yeah, yeah.” Minho sighed heavily, rubbing his eyes . “Sungjonggie, I need to get over Jinki.” The look on his face must’ve been pathetic from the way Sungjong gasped as if shocked. Minho sucked in a deep breath, he felt rather shocked himself - it was the first time he’d even suggested giving up on Jinki. Sungjong slid off his bed and crawled onto Minho’s. Before he could protest, Sungjong burrowed under his covers, sitting next to him and leaning back against the head board, his thigh flush against Minho’s.
“Sungjonggie, what the hell?” Minho shifted over, blinking as he tried to move away from Sungjong in the single bed. Why was his roommate suddenly sitting in bed with him? “Sungjong?” Minho repeated, frowning as Sungjong leaned in closer, seeming to study Minho’s face carefully. A sudden cough made them both look up, and Minho froze as he saw Jinki leaning against the doorframe, and Jonghyun standing beside Jinki.
Minho didn’t even think Jinki knew which room he lived in, much less that he even cared. Minho gulped, turning to glare at Sungjong, but his roommate just grinned and threw his arm around Minho’s waist, snuggling in close to him.
“Ew,” Jonghyun said, frowning at Minho and Sungjong. “Guys, can you do that after we’ve left?” Jonghyun shuddered slightly, laughing as he turned speak to Jinki again. Minho glared and went to push Sungjong off his bed, but then he heard Jinki’s soft laughter and turned, suddenly wondering why Jinki was even in his doorway. It was unusual for Jinki to come looking for him, and Minho felt something like hope filling his insides.
“Um, hyung, what’s going on?” Sungjong finally got up, standing between the beds and directing the question at Jonghyun, since he didn’t know Jinki personally. “It’s still pretty early for you guys to be here.” Sungjong smiled shyly across at Jinki, who smiled back with his usual warm smile.
“Oh sorry, but Jinki-hyung wanted to tell Minho something.” Jonghyun shrugged. “He didn’t know where his room was,” Jonghyun explained, winking at Minho, who was still sitting on his bed, his back against the headboard, stiff with shock at the sight of Jinki. Before Minho could reply, he remembered he was only in his boxers. His face flushing, Minho started to tug the sheet up to cover himself, but then, he stopped, hands shifting around the sheet awkwardly, until he realised his old and faded pink heart covered boxers weren’t visible. Taking a deep breath, Minho looked over to where Jinki stood, internally groaning as he realised his hair was probably a mess. How could anyone find him attractive when he was sitting shirtless in bed?
“Yeah, sorry, Minho-ya, I forgot to ask you last night.” Jinki scratched his head, looking apologetic, and Minho felt his heart race as he heard those words. Jinki looked so good, smiling across at him with his lips curved up so high that his bright eyes disappeared into crescents, that Minho forgot everything, his mouth going dry. Maybe Jinki was going to say yes to dinner? Minho felt his heart beating faster, as he looked up at Jinki’s eye smile. “Hey, I was wondering if you had a partner yet for that assignment? If not, do you want to do it with me?” Jinki shifted from one foot to the other, biting his lip so hard that all Minho could think about was kissing Jinki and tugging that lower lip into his mouth.
Yes, hyung, I want to do it with you. Who wouldn’t want to do it with you, hyung? Minho swallowed, flushing slightly, when he realised that Jinki’s words were, in fact, innocent. Quickly he nodded his head, looking down at the bedding, too nervous about Jinki’s reaction to even dare to glance at him. When he risked a look up, Jinki was beaming at him, and the sight of Jinki’s smile made Minho feel like he was dancing on the inside. Lee Jinki wants to do his project with me! He wants to work with me!
“Ah, okay, good. I’ll talk to you in class about it. Sorry, uh, for disturbing your sleep.” Jinki nodded his head once, smiling again briefly before starting to leave. Minho decided it would be a good time to get out of bed, anything to stop Jinki from leaving. He started to rise, and in his excitement he got his legs tangled in the sheets, so he ended up lying face down on the floor, with his old and faded boxers on display for all to see.
He started to rise, and in his excitement he fell, landing face down on the floor. Minho felt his face heat and when he looked up, Jinki was blinking down at him, surprise and confusion on his face, as if surprised that someone other than him had fallen for a change.
Minho wished right then and there that the world would end, that a nuclear bomb would explode above the campus and just end his pathetic, miserable, awkward existence. He groaned and squeezed his eyes shut, blocking out the sight of Jinki’s confused face. Jonghyun and Sungjong were roaring with laughter, and Minho dreaded hearing Jinki join in, but when he opened his eyes Jinki was gone. Minho glared at his two so-called friends, wishing that they’d be poisoned and die a horrible, slow and pain-filled death.
“Hyung, that was pathetic,” Sungjong said, choking back another fit of giggles once Jonghyun had left. “It was going so well. You were looking all sexy and shirtless in bed.” Sungjong sighed, moving his hand up and down awkwardly, reminding Minho of a gesture he’d see in a dramatic soap opera scene.
Sungjong sighed, waving one hand tragically. “And then you tried to get up and fell revealing those hideous boxers. What kind of an athlete are you?” Sungjong tsk-ed and shook his head slowly.
“Oh, and you act any different around Myungsoo?” Minho snapped back, glaring until he saw the way Sungjong paled and then turned a horrible shade of red, suddenly going silent. “Ha, got you.” Minho smirked, pumping his fist in the air as he slowly pulled his clothes out of his closet. Minho figured he had time for a run before his first class, so he might as well go and work Jinki out of his thoughts for at least a little while.
ΞΘΞ
“So I guess this means you’re not going to stop liking Jinki then?” Minho stopped the little victory dance he’d been doing, whirling around to find Sungjong standing in the doorway grinning at him. “Hyung you’re so adorable but you dance so awkwardly,” Minho felt his cheeks heat as he glanced down at himself, hands instinctively reaching for his glasses. Sungjong pressed one hand to his hip as he sashayed over to where Minho stood.
“Oh, you’re back.” Minho adjusted his glasses carefully, blinking as he stepped back towards his desk and almost walked into the chair. “No, I-I, uh, have to get over him.” Minho declared, pulling the chair out and sitting down heavily. Minho frowned; he hated the idea of quitting, but he also didn’t want to burden Jinki with his feelings if they became closer, which Minho hoped they would. Being friends was better than nothing.
“Okay, hyung, good luck. Oh, don’t you have class now?” Sungjong frowned as he looked up at the clock, and Minho glanced up at it too, gasping before he grabbed his bag and started to run off. “Ah hyung, so silly. Wait, hyung!”
Minho stopped and turned back to see Sungjong smiling at him before calling out, “Your hair is a mess,” Minho bit his lip, glancing down as he saw Sungjong motioning at his shirt, and then Minho tugged at it, trying to get the creases out of it.
Minho wasn’t panting when he reached the small lecture hall, thanks to his soccer training. He pushed his glasses on firmly as he looked around, trying to spot Jinki. Heat flooded his chest when Minho saw Jinki motioning for him to come and sit next to him. Minho breathed in deeply as he saw a small bunch of students glaring at him. Minho blinked and then felt happy as he realised that those students had seen Jinki’s bright smile and the way he gestured at Minho. Ignoring them, he went over to sit next to Jinki, feeling strangely elated. Jinki had never noticed him coming in before or asked him to sit with him. Minho’s elation didn’t last long, though.
“So how was it, hyung?”
Minho frowned when he realised that Jinki was talking to the person next to him and wasn’t even looking in Minho’s direction. Minho sighed and started to take out his notebook, deciding not to listen in, but even before Jinki said a word, Minho was leaning closer to hear better. He just couldn’t help himself, figuring it was about the night before.
“It was awesome, Kibum-ah, really awesome.”
Minho felt his heart clench as he heard the happiness in Jinki’s voice, and he wished that he knew what they were talking about. Why were they both being so vague? Minho couldn’t help but think the worst. Biting his lip, Minho sat patiently, wishing he knew what made Jinki so deliriously happy. What if he had had sex with that girl last night, it made Jinki’s heart freeze and he wanted to scream.
“Ah, so last night was even better than you thought it would be?”
“Yeah it was.”
Minho felt sick; he didn’t even want to hear the reply. He tried to breathe, remembering how Jinki and that girl had been all over each other. Minho shivered and tried to tell himself it would be okay, but when he heard Jinki’s voice and the happiness in it, it felt as if someone was driving nails into his heart one by one. The pain intensified every second that class went on, and by the end Minho just wanted to leave.
ΞΘΞ
“Minho-ya, where are you going?” Jinki asked softly. Minho stopped and turned back, he had forgotten about the project. “I’m sorry we didn’t have time before class to talk, but can we talk about it now?” Minho bit his lip, wishing he was stronger, wishing he could just shake his head and tell him to fuck off, but as soon as Jinki smiled at him, Minho’s resolve was gone, even if the pain was still there, throbbing in his chest.
“Sorry, I, uh, forgot,” Minho sheepishly whispered, stepping down from his seat and moving towards where his heart lay shattered, in front of Jinki. “Um, so. Um.” Minho pressed his hand to his mouth. Real fucking smooth. You fucking idiot, no wonder he doesn’t like you.
They discussed the science project for thirty minutes before Jinki said he had to leave. Minho just nodded, still feeling light-headed from being so close to Jinki. Minho sucked in a deep breath as Jinki turned to look at him again, smiling brightly as he zipped up his bag.
“You, um, have really nice eyes,” Jinki commented as he straightened up, and Minho felt his heart lurch in his chest. Minho gaped at Jinki. It was the first time he had ever said anything about Minho’s appearance, the first time he had given him a compliment. Minho’s thoughts felt scrambled as soon as he heard Jinki compliment him, his thoughts spinning round and round in circles. Minho stood up slowly, blurting out the first words that popped into his head.
“I, uh, really like you, Jinki-ssi,” Minho murmured, hands shaking, as he earnestly looked across at Jinki through his thick-framed glasses, wishing for once he had worn his contacts. “I like you a lot,” Minho repeated with a nod of his head, unable to stop himself from beaming, and then pushed his glasses back onto his nose, waiting hopefully for something.
“Um, that’s nice,” Jinki mumbled absentmindedly, and when Minho looked over, he could see Jinki was staring intently at his phone. A sinking feeling settled in Minho’s stomach. He didn’t even know if Jinki had heard him or was even paying attention. Minho felt like the biggest idiot ever; he knew Jinki liked the girl from the night before, and he had just confessed like a moron. Minho hated how hopeless and pathetic he was around Jinki. Maybe if he stopped liking him, he would return to his usual self again.
ΞΘΞ
“Hyung, you’re hopeless.” Sungjong stood with his arms crossed in front of his chest, leaning against the wall of their dorm room. Minho flopped back on his bed with his hands over his face. “I guess you’ve heard the news then.”
Minho moved one hand away from his face, staring up at Sungjong with a pout. “Yeah, I heard the rumours.” He breathed in deeply, trying to calm himself. “I kind of knew, but I hoped, you know?” Sungjong nodded his head.
“Yeah, my heart aches at the thought of Myungsoo getting a girlfriend, I’m so sorry hyung.”
“What are you going to do?” Sungjong bit his lip. He straightened up and then moved to sit next to Minho on the bed, one arm casually draped across Minho’s leg. “Sorry, I just wondered. I have no idea what I’d do if I was in the same situation.” Sungjong shook his head, pouting as he idly slid his fingers along Minho’s calves in weird patterns. It tickled a little, but Minho felt better at the touch, because it distracted him a little and he knew Sungjong understood.
“Uh, sorry to, um, disturb you both, but the door was unlocked. Should I come back later?”
Minho shot up at the sound of Jinki’s voice, and Sungjong turned to look at Jinki, who was standing in the doorway for the second time that day, this time looking slightly surprised. Immediately Minho began to shake his head. He slid off his bed (more carefully this time) and stood up, looking across at Jinki. Minho couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face as he eyed Jinki, who was beaming back at him.
“No no, um, nothing’s going on, he’s just really touchy-feely!” Minho stuttered out, shaking his head. “Now is perfect. Yeah, really perfect, Jinki-hyung!” Minho started to nod his head, ignoring the way Sungjong rolled his eyes and mumbled “pathetic” under his breath. Minho glared at Sungjong for a second before turning to smile at Jinki again.
“Oh good, shall we work on the project then?” Jinki said, smiling and walking into the room. “Um, do you want to go to the library?” Minho nodded his head, feeling his heart starting to pound softly as Jinki smiled at him. Minho wished he knew why it was that seeing that smile, the way Jinki’s lips curved up and his eyes disappeared into half crescents, made him melt so much.
“We can do it here. It’ll save us lugging all that paperwork to the library,” Minho replied with a shrug. “And I’m sure Sungjong has something he needs to do, right?” Minho smiled sweetly across at Sungjong before he began to subtly tug on his arm, drawing him towards the door.
“Actually, hyung,” Sungjong began, smiling back just as sweetly as he lay down on the bed, spreading out and getting comfortable, “I have nothing on this afternoon. I planned to spend the time consoling you.” Sungjong’s smile grew wider, and he batted his eyes softly, ignoring the way Minho gripped his arm tightly and glared at him. Jinki just looked confused by the whole situation, blinking his eyes slowly.
“So I think I’ll just stay here.” Sungjong nodded his head, pushing Minho’s hand away from his arm. “Just pretend I’m not here.” Minho glared at Sungjong; he knew Sungjong would just watch them and make kissy faces at Minho when Jinki wasn’t looking. Minho sighed with irritation, as Jinki walked across the room and sat down at one of the desks.
“Okay, we should get started?” Jinki murmured. “We don’t want to be stuck here all evening.” Jinki grinned sheepishly, and Minho felt his mood darken. Oh, you probably want to spend time with your new girlfriend. It’s not like I have any plans, except to kick a soccer ball around on a stupid field.
ΞΘΞ
Over time, Minho hoped that he would stop liking Jinki. Especially when he confessed to Jinki, and the older boy finally seemed to realise what Minho was saying, he finally understood what Minho meant. “Hyung, I really like you. I like you more than a friend hyung, I want to kiss you and be with you.” Minho wanted to slap himself for letting the last few words out, he knew they would scare anyone off.
When Minho glanced over to see Jinki’s expression it hurt to see the way Jinki flinched as if Minho had hit him, and then he stepped backwards as if he was afraid that Minho would just kiss him. Minho breathed in deeply, staring down at the floor so he didn’t have to see the hate he was sure he would see in Jinki’s eyes. “I’m really sorry Minho, but I don’t like… boys. I’m not attracted to you at all, only girls. I’m really sorry.”
Minho glanced up to see a sad smile across Jinki’s face, “We can still be friends.” Jinki nodded his head, but Minho couldn’t forget the way Jinki had flinched from his words. Minho wanted to stay away from Jinki, because hurt to remember that confession and Jinki’s reaction to it.
But despite that, Minho found it impossible to stay away from Jinki. He realised that in the end, as long as Jinki was happy, he could be happy too. Well, that was the plan - he was determined to be happy, provided that Jinki was also happy.
Minho sighed and placed the beer mug down on the table, staring blankly into space as he sat in the dimly lit bar. It wasn’t somewhere that Minho went usually, but Sungjong had begged him to go out that night and it was the only place they’d found that was still open. Minho picked up his notes and tried to concentrate, ignoring the stares. Really who came to a bar to study? Minho had a test coming up, though, and he really didn’t want to fail.
After thirty minutes, Minho put his pen down, lips set in a straight line. It was impossible to concentrate. It wasn’t the bar that was distracting him, but the thoughts swirling through his head. Minho had told himself that as long as Jinki was happy, he could be happy, but the problem was Jinki hadn’t seemed so happy lately. Minho had noticed that Jinki wasn’t smiling so much, and it made Minho’s heart ache because he just wanted Jinki to be happy, even if it wasn’t with him.
Minho took another sip of his rapidly cooling beer but almost about choked when he looked over and saw Jinki and his girlfriend, Yui, standing over at the bar. Minho coughed and put the beer down, glancing down quickly, his heart pounding. He wondered how long they’d been standing there. Minho slumped down in the seat so he no longer looked so tall and slipped his papers into his bag. Checking the time, Minho started to get up, but he made the mistake of looking over at Jinki and Yui again. They looked like they were arguing. Minho frowned, staring at Yui’s cold expression and the way Jinki’s body stiffened. He looked so dejected, like a kicked puppy. Shaking his head, Minho stood up to leave. It was none of his business. He grabbed his bag and started to walk towards the door, but the sight of Yui heading in the same direction instinctively made Minho turn to see Jinki slumped over the bar. Minho knew he should leave but instead he walked over to where Jinki was sitting.
“Hyung.” Minho breathed in deeply as a sad-eyed Jinki looked up at him, his eyes widening in surprise. “Hyung, are you okay?” Minho gripped the edge of the bar, knuckles whitening as Jinki released a slow exhalation and shook his head in hesitant jerks. Jinki looked like he was about to cry; his eyes were all watery. Minho’s hands gripped the edge of the bar harder. He hated Yui, hated her for making Jinki like this.
“I’ll be fine,” Jinki murmured softly. “What are you doing here?” Jinki looked curiously up at Minho. “You don’t go to bars very often, do you?” Minho felt like asking Jinki the same thing. Jinki was the studious type after all, although he didn’t really need to study and still got the highest scores. That was one of the reasons why Jinki was so popular in certain circles.
“It’s the only place open this late,” Minho replied with a shrug. “My roommate kicked me out.” Minho bit his lip. He knew he sounded like a loser for saying that, but he also didn’t feel like lying. Jinki nodded his head slowly, and Minho could still see the sadness in his eyes. It made Minho want to scream and just hold Jinki, but he knew that wouldn’t achieve anything. Jinki didn’t like him back, and forcing himself on Jinki would only make Minho look bad. The last thing he wanted was Jinki avoiding him.
“Hyung, if you need someone to talk to, you know I’ll always listen. Anytime, anything -- you just need to ask and I’ll do it,” Minho gasped out, realising that he’d had too much to drink and shouldn’t be talking, but the words just kept spilling out. “Really, hyung, you just need to ask and I’ll do it. I’ll listen to you. I just want you to be happy.” Minho took a sip of his beer, anything to shut himself up, and he could feel Jinki’s surprised gaze.
“You can, um, come to my room any time if your roommate kicks you out,” Jinki offered. “It only seems fair if you’ll listen to me. But still, how can I do that to you?” Jinki whispered shaking his head slowly, and Minho found himself gripping Jinki’s wrist lightly, turning to look at Jinki. He drank him in with his eyes, memorising the way Jinki’s plump lips curved upwards and the way his eyelids fluttered slightly.
“You can, Jinki-hyung. I want to be there for you. Please let me help you in some way,” Minho whispered, his voice breaking as he clung to Jinki. He knew the way he was acting was pathetic, but at the same time he wanted it so bad. Minho’s heart was pounding so fast when Jinki looked right into his eyes and slowly nodded his head.