(no subject)
Why? Why was i born to a family that cant even drive me back and forth from school? It seems like every other family i know and their child needs a ride, they just say yes with no strings attached. I have to beg for a ride, with gas money, doing more chores around the house. everything. and still, it was a no. I need to get two more courses in order to be able to go into the program(s) that i want. I mean, math and biology, can you guess? oh yes, health! I refuse to go back to gay ass ridgeway and take classes there considering its a joke and the teachers are pathetic. I will be getting a new job and I want to be a Girl Guides Leader. So i dont have time to go to 'day school'. Night courses are either tuesday and thursday or one day a week. Im not sure what I want to take. I just want to keep busy and help myself as well as other people. I mean, I need to start saving for school and a car and blah its just really overwhelming. Scott said that he would talk to his parents about me moving in with them so i dont have to pay the retarded 3,000 dollars for leaving on campus. im not sure if i want to do that. i mean, ofcourse i will be paying to live there and stuff. but i donno. i dont want them to think that they have to cook dinner for me and stuff ( they always have dinner together) and that makes me feel bad. sure it would make things a lot easier, i mean, scott wouldnt have to drive to ridgeway, and i could walk to collage , and to a job. but i donno. i just feel funny about it. i dont want to rely on parents who arent my own. i realize that my parents cant give me everything that i want. but it just seems like everyone elses parents are willing to scarafice something for their children EQUALLY. All i want is a ride to school so that maybe i can be successful. everyone else in my family.....there is only one sibling that actually went to collage, passed, and is doing something.although he isnt getting paid all that great where he is now. it just seems like everywhere i turn there are things that i want to do, but i cant do them because no one is willing to help me. i just need a little help in order to get to my career dreams. but it seems so far away now. i had it all planned out. my parents wouldnt even help me pay to get my drivers liecence. my aunt paid it. how pathetic. all they care about is my little sister, fuck the rest of us. i always do what im told, i always tell them where im going, i do things for my mom, like her hair and her makeup ALL the time. im starting to put it on the calender so that i can remember. i realize that i have to make my own way. it would have just helped if my parents would have pushed me earlier to get my g1 so that i could maybe be able to drive by now. but i guess everything happens for a reason. i guess i should go and do whatever my mom left me to do on a fucking yellow piece of paper. always get bitched at, never a thank you. seems to be the theme of this family.