OTP crisis
Lately, I have been failing extremely as a fangirl and as a writer, I know most of you know that already.
My interest in KyuMin has been diminishing, and even though I don't want to blame them, I actually can't put the blame to myself either.
I used to believe in the fact that couples who don't do much fanservice is more of the real thing, but then the absurdity of the lack of it is kind of eating my soul and now I am not sure what to believe in.
KyuMin has always been known to be the fanservice couple who don't do fanservice, and I kind of long accepted the fact that the fanservice I used to enjoy from both of them was long before 2007 and latest of 2009. And first, I was fine with it, because I told myself that I will be happier if they suddenly do fanservice and suddenly go touchy feely. But now that they don't interact, I don't know what to say anymore.
Yes, the fact that they're awkward on stage and yet they're still roommates are quite absurd. And I am still wondering how the hell did that even happen in the first place. I also can't get over the fact that Sungmin chooses to stay along with Shindong or Eunhyuk or Ryeowook rather than anyone else and Kyuhyun likes to tag along Ryeowook, Yesung, and Donghae than others as well. I think it's okay that they get to spend more time with others, I don't have the right to interfere with that, but the thing is, they don't interact with each other and they don't even look at each other it's kind of insane. It's as if it's intentional and I don't fucking get why it's happening. Plus, Kyuhyun appearing in almost every member's selca, and Sungmin appearing on different selcas as well. CAN'T THEY FUCKING BE IN THE SAME PICTURE THAT IS NOT AN OFFICIAL ONE?!
Also the fact that Sungmin said that Kyuhyun didn't like their couple kind of hurt me in a way, and IDK why, but maybe it is one of the reason why this happened to me. Then Kyuhyun goes apathetic towards Min and Min having fun with the others with Kyu. They walk on the same stage yet never look at each other, sing the same song yet never touch each other like how they used to. Kyuhyun doing almost everything for people not to ship KyuMin anymore, and Sungmin almost not doing anything to save it.
I usually say it's okay and I can handle it and it just makes life happier when they interact, but when things get to the point of total zero and you can't see the point of holding on to something anymore, I don't see the point why you have to. My KyuMin stan has been gone since yesterday, and what surprised me is that it hasn't come back until now. Usually it goes back after a few hours, or whenever I see something spazzy, but now even though I have watched so many videos with them, I can't feel that same spazzy feeling and that led me to the conclusion that YES, my KyuMin bias is now gone.
It's really fucking sad because I've been holding on to this for a year now. They were the main reason why I got so hooked to the fandom because they stirred the beginning of something new to me that sparked my interest and kept me in the fandom for so long. I have said that I will continue to hold on and believe in them no matter what, but now, I can't see the point on why I have to, and so I am letting go.
This will then lead me to another conclusion and I hope everyone respects this. I don't see the point on why I should continue writing a pairing which doesn't interest me anymore. I will finish OLTAB because I know readers are waiting for the final chapter but it might take a few more days. I really lost inspiration and I actually wanted to even change the whole story and make it SungMo or HyukMin just for me to have interest in writing it. I don't know when will I continue writing, or when I will have the interest again, but one thing is for sure: It will not be as long as the delay of Chapter 6.
And don't be surprised for the sudden changes in pairings with my one-shots. I only write KyuMin before so this journal was exclusively KyuMin biased, but now that I am exploring new pairings, expect a wide variety of pairings that of course involve Sungmin.
What else? I don't know what to say actually, just... I don't know... I am sad.
WARNING: this entry is unbeta-ed. =_=
My interest in KyuMin has been diminishing, and even though I don't want to blame them, I actually can't put the blame to myself either.
I used to believe in the fact that couples who don't do much fanservice is more of the real thing, but then the absurdity of the lack of it is kind of eating my soul and now I am not sure what to believe in.
KyuMin has always been known to be the fanservice couple who don't do fanservice, and I kind of long accepted the fact that the fanservice I used to enjoy from both of them was long before 2007 and latest of 2009. And first, I was fine with it, because I told myself that I will be happier if they suddenly do fanservice and suddenly go touchy feely. But now that they don't interact, I don't know what to say anymore.
Yes, the fact that they're awkward on stage and yet they're still roommates are quite absurd. And I am still wondering how the hell did that even happen in the first place. I also can't get over the fact that Sungmin chooses to stay along with Shindong or Eunhyuk or Ryeowook rather than anyone else and Kyuhyun likes to tag along Ryeowook, Yesung, and Donghae than others as well. I think it's okay that they get to spend more time with others, I don't have the right to interfere with that, but the thing is, they don't interact with each other and they don't even look at each other it's kind of insane. It's as if it's intentional and I don't fucking get why it's happening. Plus, Kyuhyun appearing in almost every member's selca, and Sungmin appearing on different selcas as well. CAN'T THEY FUCKING BE IN THE SAME PICTURE THAT IS NOT AN OFFICIAL ONE?!
Also the fact that Sungmin said that Kyuhyun didn't like their couple kind of hurt me in a way, and IDK why, but maybe it is one of the reason why this happened to me. Then Kyuhyun goes apathetic towards Min and Min having fun with the others with Kyu. They walk on the same stage yet never look at each other, sing the same song yet never touch each other like how they used to. Kyuhyun doing almost everything for people not to ship KyuMin anymore, and Sungmin almost not doing anything to save it.
I usually say it's okay and I can handle it and it just makes life happier when they interact, but when things get to the point of total zero and you can't see the point of holding on to something anymore, I don't see the point why you have to. My KyuMin stan has been gone since yesterday, and what surprised me is that it hasn't come back until now. Usually it goes back after a few hours, or whenever I see something spazzy, but now even though I have watched so many videos with them, I can't feel that same spazzy feeling and that led me to the conclusion that YES, my KyuMin bias is now gone.
It's really fucking sad because I've been holding on to this for a year now. They were the main reason why I got so hooked to the fandom because they stirred the beginning of something new to me that sparked my interest and kept me in the fandom for so long. I have said that I will continue to hold on and believe in them no matter what, but now, I can't see the point on why I have to, and so I am letting go.
This will then lead me to another conclusion and I hope everyone respects this. I don't see the point on why I should continue writing a pairing which doesn't interest me anymore. I will finish OLTAB because I know readers are waiting for the final chapter but it might take a few more days. I really lost inspiration and I actually wanted to even change the whole story and make it SungMo or HyukMin just for me to have interest in writing it. I don't know when will I continue writing, or when I will have the interest again, but one thing is for sure: It will not be as long as the delay of Chapter 6.
And don't be surprised for the sudden changes in pairings with my one-shots. I only write KyuMin before so this journal was exclusively KyuMin biased, but now that I am exploring new pairings, expect a wide variety of pairings that of course involve Sungmin.
What else? I don't know what to say actually, just... I don't know... I am sad.
WARNING: this entry is unbeta-ed. =_=