TM 246: What are the five steps to a successful negotiation?
All right, this one? This one I should be able to do.
1. Determine the stakes.
Sometimes, those are laid out for you. For instance (just hypothetically), if a self-proclaimed King of Atlantis is threatening a major metropolitan area via tidal wave, that pretty much speaks for itself, and you spend five hours locked in an uncomfortable room with this guy.
But everyday negotiations aren't that clearcut. Sometimes it's just that you see your personal and professional relationships heading for some kind of collision, and you want to find a way to stop that before it all gets irredeemably screwed up. For instance: Tony Stark is my best friend. He used to be my boss, and he's not any more. Tony's busy putting the Avengers back together with his good friend Steve Rogers. Now, I like Steve -- who doesn't like Steve? -- and I trust Steve. But I don't really know him. I don't have any idea what affect going back to the Avengers is going to have on Tony. And Steve, honestly, doesn't have a lot of reason to trust or care about me. Throw my girlfriend Lorna into the mix, and there's another complicated relationship to work out. Technically speaking, Tony introduced Lorna and me; we owe our relationship to him. But Lorna's feelings about the Avengers, and the Fifty States Initiative (to say nothing of Tony himself) are pretty complicated things, too.
What I'd like to see, ultimately, stakeswise. . .well, obviously that we'd all get along. That the Avengers and the Order can work together. In the process, I would really prefer that none of us lose any friendships. Maybe we can even form new ones.
2. Find an appropriate territory.
Tony has a beach house in the Hamptons. It's Labor Day weekend. Granted, this doesn't exactly qualify as neutral territory. But there's a lot of space and, frankly, my own little time share in Catalina doesn't measure up.
3. Explore what each party is willing to give up.
Tony was willing to give my girlfriend a car. Steve was willing to spend the afternoon with me, as long as we weren't on a boat. Lorna was willing to give Tony a chance. I had a little indignation I could sacrifice.
4. Discover what each party is not willing to give up.
I'm not giving up the Order. Steve's not giving up the Avengers or Tony. Tony is not giving up his commitment to not being part of SHIELD. I don't know Lorna's answer to this question, but I'm sure that she does, and that's all that matters.
5. Have a little bit of faith.
This is the part that I think most discussions of negotiation tactics will leave out. You have to believe that you're going to get somewhere, that there's a point to the entire thing, or why are you even bothering? I'm here this weekend because I think things can and should work better among the group of us than they have. So far, so well. We've spent some time on the beach, Lorna took us all to a concert, and I'd be remiss if I didn't say that we dominated mixed doubles in badminton though I don't even know where the other women came from, were those Wonder Man's friends? I got to spend some time with Steve too, and that went well. So, tomorrow morning, Lorna and I are going to get up, go to the beach, and head back to California in the new car. All in all, I hope I'll be able to say that we negotiated everything successfully.
1. Determine the stakes.
Sometimes, those are laid out for you. For instance (just hypothetically), if a self-proclaimed King of Atlantis is threatening a major metropolitan area via tidal wave, that pretty much speaks for itself, and you spend five hours locked in an uncomfortable room with this guy.
But everyday negotiations aren't that clearcut. Sometimes it's just that you see your personal and professional relationships heading for some kind of collision, and you want to find a way to stop that before it all gets irredeemably screwed up. For instance: Tony Stark is my best friend. He used to be my boss, and he's not any more. Tony's busy putting the Avengers back together with his good friend Steve Rogers. Now, I like Steve -- who doesn't like Steve? -- and I trust Steve. But I don't really know him. I don't have any idea what affect going back to the Avengers is going to have on Tony. And Steve, honestly, doesn't have a lot of reason to trust or care about me. Throw my girlfriend Lorna into the mix, and there's another complicated relationship to work out. Technically speaking, Tony introduced Lorna and me; we owe our relationship to him. But Lorna's feelings about the Avengers, and the Fifty States Initiative (to say nothing of Tony himself) are pretty complicated things, too.
What I'd like to see, ultimately, stakeswise. . .well, obviously that we'd all get along. That the Avengers and the Order can work together. In the process, I would really prefer that none of us lose any friendships. Maybe we can even form new ones.
2. Find an appropriate territory.
Tony has a beach house in the Hamptons. It's Labor Day weekend. Granted, this doesn't exactly qualify as neutral territory. But there's a lot of space and, frankly, my own little time share in Catalina doesn't measure up.
3. Explore what each party is willing to give up.
Tony was willing to give my girlfriend a car. Steve was willing to spend the afternoon with me, as long as we weren't on a boat. Lorna was willing to give Tony a chance. I had a little indignation I could sacrifice.
4. Discover what each party is not willing to give up.
I'm not giving up the Order. Steve's not giving up the Avengers or Tony. Tony is not giving up his commitment to not being part of SHIELD. I don't know Lorna's answer to this question, but I'm sure that she does, and that's all that matters.
5. Have a little bit of faith.
This is the part that I think most discussions of negotiation tactics will leave out. You have to believe that you're going to get somewhere, that there's a point to the entire thing, or why are you even bothering? I'm here this weekend because I think things can and should work better among the group of us than they have. So far, so well. We've spent some time on the beach, Lorna took us all to a concert, and I'd be remiss if I didn't say that we dominated mixed doubles in badminton though I don't even know where the other women came from, were those Wonder Man's friends? I got to spend some time with Steve too, and that went well. So, tomorrow morning, Lorna and I are going to get up, go to the beach, and head back to California in the new car. All in all, I hope I'll be able to say that we negotiated everything successfully.