Struck Speechless

[onemintjulep]

So anyway, as I was saying... Ok, so probably not posting for more than a year after pronouncing that the DEA was putting out a hit on me was probably not the most reassuring move on my part. Apologies. But in my defense, my move to WV left me...speechless.

Prior to having left my previous peaceful abode, I had predicted:Just a note: The

Comments

[fallenpegasus]

Yay, he speaks!

Yesterday, I saw zonereyrie link to Things I Learn From My Patients, and I thought of you.

Don't work too hard...

[onemintjulep]

Oh man, I'm pretty sure I know ALL those patients! I bet you all think we make them up, don't you?

We really really don't. Really. No, really.

[missdimple]

While I didn't think you made it up, I didn't think it could get as bad as some of those stories.....especially the ones who took knives and razor blades to their important reproductive parts. I mean, OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!

[onemintjulep]

As a matter of fact, just this week - needles in the urethra.
Of course, the joke was that the doctor kept asking for a soft tissue xray and it kept coming back hard.
Badum bum.

[missdimple]

And, what was this dude's excuse for the attraction to pain? The OtherDocHero was telling me tonight about a dude and open safety pins. Also, a guy trying to escape lockup.

[fallenpegasus]

Is there a way to say, if I ever have to go to the ER or take a loved one, "No, I'm not one of those idiots." and be believed? Will I get faster or better service if I do?

[onemintjulep]

Well, for one thing, keep your glass eye out of your vagina...
Honestly, don't make up stupid stories and we'll respect you a hell of a lot more for it. If you're going to lie, lie well, otherwise just cop to it and move on. Do we snicker about the guy who got the cockring stuck on and had to go to the OR? Really, not so much. Do we still roll our eyes about the guy who swore that he got the eggplant stuck up his butt because he was attempting to dam up a case of diarrhea? Uh-yeah. And trust us, we know that Those Two Dudes didn't jump you for no reason as you were walking to the library on your way from church. Hey, the worse thing that could happen would be that you'd have to go to the ER, and you're already there, yes?

[missdimple]

Eggplant dude must be related to the chick that used a potato to stop her period from flowing and then forgot it was there! Potato chick went to the hospital and declared that she had "leaves growing from her virginia." (I heard this story tonight from our other doctor hero. :)

[onemintjulep]

...'You say virginia, I say vagina...' lah dee dee lah...

[missdimple]

P.S. This is the reason I always tell my doctors the truth, since I figure they've heard it all...Though there is one fib I told my pc doc because I'm not convinced yet that she has heard it all and it's not related to something that could cause me health issues.

[onemintjulep]

And no, no one gets faster service. It's all slow. Deal with it. (kid-ding!)