Bittersweet
What an evening... it pretty much started off with (lil) Ashley signing off on me because I cursed/cussed. My bad, it's all around me. She really doesn't like me doing it though. *Sigh* Sometimes I feel like when I am face to face with her, I'm gonna hafta change a lot about me. I suppose I understand the not cursing thing though, being as it isn't a Christian virtue.
It then proceeded into a suicide issue. A friend of mine, who will remain nameless for privacy reasons (as always), IMed me and said "you know i love you right..." I said yes, I know it. She then told me she was going to kill herself tonight and she wanted to make sure I understand that she loves me. Right, if you love someone, you wouldn't kill yourself. Love overcomes that, you see. Anyway, she successfully scared the shiz outta me. I was really, truely afraid for her. I have been in that deep darkness myself before... a few times. When you are there, you hardly know reason. Your thoughts are irrational and choppy and blurry and... deadly, caustic, malicious... etc. So it didn't take me long to see the seriousness of what she was saying. So I called my friend who is near her. At first, I didn't think this other friend could do anything. I don't think I've ever felt so helpless. I was sweating, shaky, tearing up, and nauseous. That is what a friend pledging suicide does to a person. I do not blame her though, because we came to realize that there are things going on beyond our control. Me and my other friend are pretty sure that this girl has some sort of demon within her... in a more literal way than when people say "she's fighting with her demons"... So after this girl was "brought back" (into some sort of reality, though what she was seeing, hearing, and feeling was HER reality), she agreed to a 3 way phone convo with her, my other friend, and the youth pastor. I hope that helped. I won't know until tomorrow. But I do know she isn't intent on killing herself anymore.
Two things came of this. One, I realize my anger over Ashley signing off on me is very small in comparison to most of life's battles. Two, this girl and myself made a pact that we'd tell the other one if we were to ever seriously consider or try to kill ourselves. I have no desire to kill myself, let that be clear.
And please if you or a friend is considering suicide, get some help. Because when it comes down to it, you simply run a huge risk of ending up in hell for eternity. The risk itself isn't worth an attempt to end pain here on earth. Besides, you might not realize it, but there is ALWAYS SOMEONE who cares.
Take all of this from a person who has been to the deepest, darkness pit of life and back again.
It then proceeded into a suicide issue. A friend of mine, who will remain nameless for privacy reasons (as always), IMed me and said "you know i love you right..." I said yes, I know it. She then told me she was going to kill herself tonight and she wanted to make sure I understand that she loves me. Right, if you love someone, you wouldn't kill yourself. Love overcomes that, you see. Anyway, she successfully scared the shiz outta me. I was really, truely afraid for her. I have been in that deep darkness myself before... a few times. When you are there, you hardly know reason. Your thoughts are irrational and choppy and blurry and... deadly, caustic, malicious... etc. So it didn't take me long to see the seriousness of what she was saying. So I called my friend who is near her. At first, I didn't think this other friend could do anything. I don't think I've ever felt so helpless. I was sweating, shaky, tearing up, and nauseous. That is what a friend pledging suicide does to a person. I do not blame her though, because we came to realize that there are things going on beyond our control. Me and my other friend are pretty sure that this girl has some sort of demon within her... in a more literal way than when people say "she's fighting with her demons"... So after this girl was "brought back" (into some sort of reality, though what she was seeing, hearing, and feeling was HER reality), she agreed to a 3 way phone convo with her, my other friend, and the youth pastor. I hope that helped. I won't know until tomorrow. But I do know she isn't intent on killing herself anymore.
Two things came of this. One, I realize my anger over Ashley signing off on me is very small in comparison to most of life's battles. Two, this girl and myself made a pact that we'd tell the other one if we were to ever seriously consider or try to kill ourselves. I have no desire to kill myself, let that be clear.
And please if you or a friend is considering suicide, get some help. Because when it comes down to it, you simply run a huge risk of ending up in hell for eternity. The risk itself isn't worth an attempt to end pain here on earth. Besides, you might not realize it, but there is ALWAYS SOMEONE who cares.
Take all of this from a person who has been to the deepest, darkness pit of life and back again.