Whimsy (andante)
ah, why not an lj update?
set the scene:
I'm sitting at my desk in my parents' house, listening to Song About An Angel and rubbing my flabby biceps, which are aching from lugging boxes in, out, and around cars. My room has most of the accessories of life missing; I'm watching the headlights of cars swing around the corner and vanish down the road. I have the backwards feeling of counting days til summer ends and the unfamiliar feeling of readiness for the next beginning. I wish I was better, stronger, sweeter, smarter, but I want to rise to a challenge-- if I were really ready, there wouldn't be this thrill of possibility. It's the moment on the edge of the diving board when I know I'm no swimmer, when nervousness twists into adrenaline and stomachless, gleeful gravity.
develop the characters:
I've read all I want to this summer already, and I'm on my third day of unemployment, at loose ends. A funny phrase--"at loose ends;" I feel untied, anchors cut. Waiting for a wind in the right direction. Today was spent sleeping and throwing my body against the walls, trying to make a hole big enough to push the rest of the week through. It won't go any faster as of yet, but I've made two lists of things to do and acquire and relocate already, and with any luck the week will be under control in no time. Between now and then I have to balance boredom and anticipation against buying too much stuff to weigh me down. There has to be a way to be self-sufficient without massive quantities of mobility-impairing consumer goods. Maybe a return to the simple forest life of hand-to-mouth is the answer.
resolution:
Better to spend energy protecting innocents from my impatience, though. Part of the appeal of going back to school (though not the most admirable attraction) is the selfishness implied-- so many fewer hurt feelings, complications, sacrifices for the tribe. If I can last out this last week okay-- and really, even if things don't go ideally-- it will have been a pretty easy summer confrontation-wise, and I got what I wanted within reason, but there's no match for the convenience of only being responsible for oneself. Yeah, it's not like I've got toddlers clinging to my ankles at the moment, I guess, but I feel like a diplomat in a war zone half the time anyway. There's no place like home for tornadoes and random munchkins.
coda:
"Choose one wall to beat your head against for the rest of your life. That way, even if you never make so much as a dent, it's still your wall."
set the scene:
I'm sitting at my desk in my parents' house, listening to Song About An Angel and rubbing my flabby biceps, which are aching from lugging boxes in, out, and around cars. My room has most of the accessories of life missing; I'm watching the headlights of cars swing around the corner and vanish down the road. I have the backwards feeling of counting days til summer ends and the unfamiliar feeling of readiness for the next beginning. I wish I was better, stronger, sweeter, smarter, but I want to rise to a challenge-- if I were really ready, there wouldn't be this thrill of possibility. It's the moment on the edge of the diving board when I know I'm no swimmer, when nervousness twists into adrenaline and stomachless, gleeful gravity.
develop the characters:
I've read all I want to this summer already, and I'm on my third day of unemployment, at loose ends. A funny phrase--"at loose ends;" I feel untied, anchors cut. Waiting for a wind in the right direction. Today was spent sleeping and throwing my body against the walls, trying to make a hole big enough to push the rest of the week through. It won't go any faster as of yet, but I've made two lists of things to do and acquire and relocate already, and with any luck the week will be under control in no time. Between now and then I have to balance boredom and anticipation against buying too much stuff to weigh me down. There has to be a way to be self-sufficient without massive quantities of mobility-impairing consumer goods. Maybe a return to the simple forest life of hand-to-mouth is the answer.
resolution:
Better to spend energy protecting innocents from my impatience, though. Part of the appeal of going back to school (though not the most admirable attraction) is the selfishness implied-- so many fewer hurt feelings, complications, sacrifices for the tribe. If I can last out this last week okay-- and really, even if things don't go ideally-- it will have been a pretty easy summer confrontation-wise, and I got what I wanted within reason, but there's no match for the convenience of only being responsible for oneself. Yeah, it's not like I've got toddlers clinging to my ankles at the moment, I guess, but I feel like a diplomat in a war zone half the time anyway. There's no place like home for tornadoes and random munchkins.
coda:
"Choose one wall to beat your head against for the rest of your life. That way, even if you never make so much as a dent, it's still your wall."