hard to find
two entries so close on are unheard of, i know, but i've got the makings of bad dreams rattling around my imagination. there are some nerves more sensitive to the touch than others, some thoughts that don't bear sleeping on.
the last few years summer has felt like an intermission between acts, the time that passes in the three years later you never see. it's disturbing to think that i don't go forward when i'm out of class... especially with a whole season away. things end, but they don't begin.
i know it's in my head. when i discipline my generalizing neuroses to facts i can shed the deception, but not the feeling. my feelings lead me right sometimes. i should be terrified of next year, but at least i have renewal scheduled and tidily in place. and a way to dispel the fears that hide under my pillow.
when i was younger, i used to walk around at night jumping at little sounds, making sure the scenarios that wouldn't leave my head were imagined. the predictable, continuous course never fazed me. the fight against that one happens waking, conscious, in strategic moves and mistakes. there is control, responsibility. there are faces and names and logic, cause and effect. alone in the dark, there's only possibility.
another shot at sleep is the best idea, with music to derail the trains of thought. it's been a long time since i listened to the old discoveries. morning will come, and the melodrama will always ebb.
the last few years summer has felt like an intermission between acts, the time that passes in the three years later you never see. it's disturbing to think that i don't go forward when i'm out of class... especially with a whole season away. things end, but they don't begin.
i know it's in my head. when i discipline my generalizing neuroses to facts i can shed the deception, but not the feeling. my feelings lead me right sometimes. i should be terrified of next year, but at least i have renewal scheduled and tidily in place. and a way to dispel the fears that hide under my pillow.
when i was younger, i used to walk around at night jumping at little sounds, making sure the scenarios that wouldn't leave my head were imagined. the predictable, continuous course never fazed me. the fight against that one happens waking, conscious, in strategic moves and mistakes. there is control, responsibility. there are faces and names and logic, cause and effect. alone in the dark, there's only possibility.
another shot at sleep is the best idea, with music to derail the trains of thought. it's been a long time since i listened to the old discoveries. morning will come, and the melodrama will always ebb.