...Forgive me 'cause I don't know what to do...There cannot be a close second to you...
My mind has been haunted by the most emotional of thoughts. I can't help but wonder when I'll be able to call him mine (or if I ever will) and I his, what it will feel like, how it will happen... There are just so many questions that I wish would or could be answered. These thoughts throw me off the edge and I am flailing, left to imagine what it will feel like when I finally hit rock bottom, or if I'll get caught by something on the way down; you just never know. Once I get sucked into this mindset, nothing else seems to matter or be of any importance. In that moment, I feel a sense of extasis and that is entirely indescribable.
From laying in his arms to playing with his hair to making fun of the random things we both love so much, it all feels flawless. He turns my knees to jelly, my stomach to hummingbirds, my eyes to utter delight. I've lost my fear of falling. And although the feeling of my heart in my throat could be fear, I doubt that is what it is. What would I be scared of? His warm embrace, his gentle and sometimes playful kisses, the way he melts me with his astonishing smile, how he finds every opportunity to tickle me just to hear me laugh, the way he mocks the way I talk just so I can get defensive, which leads him to apologize and call me "cute" while throwing that sweet smirk right at me, or is it the way he always rests his arm on that spot across my waist, which results in my heart skipping a thousand beats and my breath to quicken? None of the above. Why would I be afraid of something and someone who allows me to feel the most comfortable I have ever been?! Those are the things I think about before closing my eyes to the image of sweet replays of the time we had last spent together - the time that passes as quickly as wind. Those are the things I dream about the second I fall into a deep, relaxing sleep - almost as if I am reliving all the times he made me laugh. Those are the things that put a smile on my face when I wake up because I know that I have something to look forward to. He is what I look forward to.
To me, all of this seems completely surreal. It is as if my heart is playing games with my head, or vice versa. I've thrown myself off this edge, and there is nothing for him to catch but my heart - that is if he'll take it. But it's already his - that is if he knows that. I know he is scared that I will hurt him as result of being hurt in the past. I used to feel that way too. But hearts are meant to break and making up is the best part of the experience as well as the most memorable. So why not take a chance? Love and hope are one of the same and you cannot have one without the other. This confusion makes me think about all the things I've experienced throughout my life, trying to find that one thing, that one good thing that I have done to deserve to have his lips touch mine leaving me in a trance and suddenly having the phrase, "you're not kissing anyone, until you kiss someone" make complete sense, his arms around me, his blue eyes connected with mine; I found nothing, which leads me to think: will I get this? Or is this some kind of trap? Either or, I am content with my position. But I won't be happy until he gives me the permission to steal that heart of gold that I adore so much.
I think I am loving life.
From laying in his arms to playing with his hair to making fun of the random things we both love so much, it all feels flawless. He turns my knees to jelly, my stomach to hummingbirds, my eyes to utter delight. I've lost my fear of falling. And although the feeling of my heart in my throat could be fear, I doubt that is what it is. What would I be scared of? His warm embrace, his gentle and sometimes playful kisses, the way he melts me with his astonishing smile, how he finds every opportunity to tickle me just to hear me laugh, the way he mocks the way I talk just so I can get defensive, which leads him to apologize and call me "cute" while throwing that sweet smirk right at me, or is it the way he always rests his arm on that spot across my waist, which results in my heart skipping a thousand beats and my breath to quicken? None of the above. Why would I be afraid of something and someone who allows me to feel the most comfortable I have ever been?! Those are the things I think about before closing my eyes to the image of sweet replays of the time we had last spent together - the time that passes as quickly as wind. Those are the things I dream about the second I fall into a deep, relaxing sleep - almost as if I am reliving all the times he made me laugh. Those are the things that put a smile on my face when I wake up because I know that I have something to look forward to. He is what I look forward to.
To me, all of this seems completely surreal. It is as if my heart is playing games with my head, or vice versa. I've thrown myself off this edge, and there is nothing for him to catch but my heart - that is if he'll take it. But it's already his - that is if he knows that. I know he is scared that I will hurt him as result of being hurt in the past. I used to feel that way too. But hearts are meant to break and making up is the best part of the experience as well as the most memorable. So why not take a chance? Love and hope are one of the same and you cannot have one without the other. This confusion makes me think about all the things I've experienced throughout my life, trying to find that one thing, that one good thing that I have done to deserve to have his lips touch mine leaving me in a trance and suddenly having the phrase, "you're not kissing anyone, until you kiss someone" make complete sense, his arms around me, his blue eyes connected with mine; I found nothing, which leads me to think: will I get this? Or is this some kind of trap? Either or, I am content with my position. But I won't be happy until he gives me the permission to steal that heart of gold that I adore so much.
I think I am loving life.