(no subject)
I want to write this now before I forget. I just returned from Dr. JUlian, and I am still a little drugged. My eyes still won't focus properly and I cannot swallow properly either.
That was a scary experience-being drugged up like that. It wasn't really sleep, it was like I stopped existing. I can't really explain it through words, and I highly doubt anyone ever could. Movies do a terrible job of recreating the whole drugged experience, but it was terrifying. Of course, I have no recollection of the operation itself, but regaining consciousness was a "WTF" experience. Basically it was like one of those convincing dreams that you are almost positive is real until you wake up, but amplified about 100 times. I tried to sit up, once or twice but Dr. Julian kept coming in the room and told me to lie back, and then I started crying. After I stopped crying for a bit and sat there I finally realized I was in another room, which makes absolute perfect sense because Im sure they wouldnt keep me in the operating room after the surgery was over with. When I finally had control of who I was and where I was and the rest of my conscious brain, I realized that I couldn't see straight and found it very frustrating.
I think, overall, I just wanted to show the doctor's that I could be in a large amount of control even when drugged--but I don't know if I did or not. Either way, I am home now, and the dull ache is starting to set in. I suppose I should go and lie down but I am afraid that might be terribly boring. But whatever. This post was probably pointless.
That was a scary experience-being drugged up like that. It wasn't really sleep, it was like I stopped existing. I can't really explain it through words, and I highly doubt anyone ever could. Movies do a terrible job of recreating the whole drugged experience, but it was terrifying. Of course, I have no recollection of the operation itself, but regaining consciousness was a "WTF" experience. Basically it was like one of those convincing dreams that you are almost positive is real until you wake up, but amplified about 100 times. I tried to sit up, once or twice but Dr. Julian kept coming in the room and told me to lie back, and then I started crying. After I stopped crying for a bit and sat there I finally realized I was in another room, which makes absolute perfect sense because Im sure they wouldnt keep me in the operating room after the surgery was over with. When I finally had control of who I was and where I was and the rest of my conscious brain, I realized that I couldn't see straight and found it very frustrating.
I think, overall, I just wanted to show the doctor's that I could be in a large amount of control even when drugged--but I don't know if I did or not. Either way, I am home now, and the dull ache is starting to set in. I suppose I should go and lie down but I am afraid that might be terribly boring. But whatever. This post was probably pointless.