The Post.
The Introduction.
I am crap at communication lately so I want to make sure that everyone (reading this journal, at least) knows what is actually going on over the next few months. I keep forgetting that, you know, the world a) doesn't revolve around me and b) isn't psychic. ONWARD!
The Problem.
It's my wrist. Diagnosed in the spring of 2006 as tendinitis, it has yet to heal. Generally, tendinitis ought to right itself in 3-6 months without too much fuss. And yet here I am about a year and a half later and I'd say it's as bad as it's ever been.
It hurts everyday and interferes with my work and any hobbies I once had. Which is to say, I have no hobbies. I no longer sew, knit, draw, write, play video games, or cook for fun. I read and I try not to surf the internet too much.
I've developed trigger finger, an uncontrollable spasming/snapping of the tendon, causing the index finger to suddenly pull in or twitch, and the thumb to spasm. Not actually so bad, really, but it looks awful when it happens in front of people and it's very frustrating to lose control of your hand sometimes.
I've lost so much strength in my right hand. A few months ago a Japanese orthopedics specialist measure my grip strength. My right hand was less than half as strong as the left.
I've also lost my fine motor control. Some days are better than others, but then I surprise myself by dropping a coffee mug on myself because I couldn't hold it steadily in my right. Some days counting out change is a slow, grueling task.
The Proposed Solution.
This is a little fuzzy, but I'm beginning to think it's going to be surgery. Or maybe some kind of physical therapy combined with strict immobilization of my right hand (which I can't do here, the brace I have is painful and anyway I NEED MY RIGHT HAND NOT TO DIE).
It's hard to call since there's not a lot of information out there suggesting anything other than, "it'll heal on its own" and "surgery may be necessary." The only information about the surgery suggests that the tendon sheath my be cut open to relieve some of the pressure on the inflamed tendon as it moves in daily use.
The Plan.
I'm coming home. Soon. November 7th, actually, for those not in the know (which is more people than I realized, hence this post). I will be around for AUSA, anyway, which I take to be a good thing. The following Monday, though, I go to see a doctor in Philadelphia, a hand surgery specialist, and I am going to sit in his office until he gives me some damn answers.
After that the fun is over and fixing my hand begins. I won't be able to drive, I imagine, if for no other reason than I have no car. But driving is also painful even if I could borrow my mother's car. I don't know how much I will or won't be able to do so if I am pathetic and call your cell phone with NOTHING to talk about, please forgive me.
The Future.
Indefinite. I don't know how long I'll be home for, but I keep guessing 3 months or so, leaving sometime in February if all goes well. IF. It's possible that through surgery I may lose the coordination that once made my right my dominant hand. It may never be as good as it once was. It may never be strong.
I plan to come back to Japan and work some more. I don't know how long I'll do that for, either. It depends on a huge number of factors that I can't figure out just yet. Everything's changing all the time.
I still want to go to pastry school. My dream is still to make custom wedding/birthday/special occasion cakes. I still might work in New York or Vegas or somewhere equally expensive and glamorous.
But right now the future is unknown and tenuous at best and I am scared.
I just want you all to know. Thanks for reading and being good friends. I'll see a lot of you very soon, even if it is under less-than-ideal circumstances.
I am crap at communication lately so I want to make sure that everyone (reading this journal, at least) knows what is actually going on over the next few months. I keep forgetting that, you know, the world a) doesn't revolve around me and b) isn't psychic. ONWARD!
The Problem.
It's my wrist. Diagnosed in the spring of 2006 as tendinitis, it has yet to heal. Generally, tendinitis ought to right itself in 3-6 months without too much fuss. And yet here I am about a year and a half later and I'd say it's as bad as it's ever been.
It hurts everyday and interferes with my work and any hobbies I once had. Which is to say, I have no hobbies. I no longer sew, knit, draw, write, play video games, or cook for fun. I read and I try not to surf the internet too much.
I've developed trigger finger, an uncontrollable spasming/snapping of the tendon, causing the index finger to suddenly pull in or twitch, and the thumb to spasm. Not actually so bad, really, but it looks awful when it happens in front of people and it's very frustrating to lose control of your hand sometimes.
I've lost so much strength in my right hand. A few months ago a Japanese orthopedics specialist measure my grip strength. My right hand was less than half as strong as the left.
I've also lost my fine motor control. Some days are better than others, but then I surprise myself by dropping a coffee mug on myself because I couldn't hold it steadily in my right. Some days counting out change is a slow, grueling task.
The Proposed Solution.
This is a little fuzzy, but I'm beginning to think it's going to be surgery. Or maybe some kind of physical therapy combined with strict immobilization of my right hand (which I can't do here, the brace I have is painful and anyway I NEED MY RIGHT HAND NOT TO DIE).
It's hard to call since there's not a lot of information out there suggesting anything other than, "it'll heal on its own" and "surgery may be necessary." The only information about the surgery suggests that the tendon sheath my be cut open to relieve some of the pressure on the inflamed tendon as it moves in daily use.
The Plan.
I'm coming home. Soon. November 7th, actually, for those not in the know (which is more people than I realized, hence this post). I will be around for AUSA, anyway, which I take to be a good thing. The following Monday, though, I go to see a doctor in Philadelphia, a hand surgery specialist, and I am going to sit in his office until he gives me some damn answers.
After that the fun is over and fixing my hand begins. I won't be able to drive, I imagine, if for no other reason than I have no car. But driving is also painful even if I could borrow my mother's car. I don't know how much I will or won't be able to do so if I am pathetic and call your cell phone with NOTHING to talk about, please forgive me.
The Future.
Indefinite. I don't know how long I'll be home for, but I keep guessing 3 months or so, leaving sometime in February if all goes well. IF. It's possible that through surgery I may lose the coordination that once made my right my dominant hand. It may never be as good as it once was. It may never be strong.
I plan to come back to Japan and work some more. I don't know how long I'll do that for, either. It depends on a huge number of factors that I can't figure out just yet. Everything's changing all the time.
I still want to go to pastry school. My dream is still to make custom wedding/birthday/special occasion cakes. I still might work in New York or Vegas or somewhere equally expensive and glamorous.
But right now the future is unknown and tenuous at best and I am scared.
I just want you all to know. Thanks for reading and being good friends. I'll see a lot of you very soon, even if it is under less-than-ideal circumstances.