Have you ever...

[oneandonlyrio]

had a secret that is so... outrageous and dangerous. that you know you should tell somebody. but you never will. because its not hurting anybody but you. and you really dont care if it hurts you. but you keep feeling you should tell someone. but you cant. tell anyone. because no one will look at you the same again. no one.

its a whole new level to my self destruction. *controlled* self destruction... how fucked up is that? like on two levels. the secret. and not telling it.

sometimes... i dont know. it doesnt seem like people can tell the difference. between when im ok. and when im spiralling down. maybe im a good actor. i dont know. sometimes I dont even know when its happening until im too far deep to stop it

but when you even scare yourself.. thats not good, is it?

i dont know. i never want to talk to people about anything anymore. anything heavy. i hate being a downer. i hate unloading on other people. i hate bitching and moaning and whining until people get fed up with it.

what i hate the most? not feeling normal. knowing that all of my dear dear friends dont think these things. dont have destructive secrets. dont compare themselves to everyone else and come up empty handed.

dont go on rants on livejournal.