PART FOUR
AU
Neither Spike nor Tara ever went to Sunnydale, but as the fates would have it, they meet anyway.
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[Continued from here]Gotta bloody love the afterglow ( Read more... )
Neither Spike nor Tara ever went to Sunnydale, but as the fates would have it, they meet anyway.
****
[Continued from here]Gotta bloody love the afterglow ( Read more... )
He walked out the door sometime after it started raining and my heart stopped. I looked at him like a deer in headlights and watched as he put his jacket around me and brought me inside. I sat down on the couch, my bags dropped at the front door long before.
"Why are you here?"
I looked up at him and shrugged. That's exactly how I felt, unsure of everything. "I...I don't..." I did know, I just wasn't sure if I was ready to say it outloud.
"Y-you came by before..." I murmured, averting the other question he had asked me. "It's beautiful." I reached up and fingered the necklace, looking over at him. "Thank...thank you..."
I paused for a moment and looked over at him, unsure of why I was speaking what I was but I had to ask. "W-why? Why did you come?"
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Why had I come? Bloody hell, she didn’t half ask the hard questions. What could I tell her? Why had I gone?
“Here,” I said, picking up the towel and shaking it out before kneeling in front of her and starting to dry her hair as best I could. If there was one thing I was great at, it was avoiding tricky questions…of course some questions couldn’t help but be answered.
“I wanted to say I was sorry,” I confessed. “I’ve done this all wrong…you’re…”
Fuck.
“…I wish I’d just asked you out for a drink.”
I hated this, feeling so utterly pathetic. This is why Dru left; I’d never been heartless enough for her, never as cruel as her sodding daddy. I wish she’d made me properly, not left me with this ability to love. I hated it. But I guess I had no choice but to do it.
“I said I wanted you and I do, but not like before, not like you’re some possession.”
I looked at my hands and then up at her.
“I want to be with you.”
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“I wanted to say I was sorry, I’ve done this all wrong…you’re…I wish I’d just asked you out for a drink.”
A small smile crossed my lips and I nodded. "Me too..." I looked down and took a dry towel from next to me, drying my hair as best I could and let it fall into waves around my shoulders.
“I said I wanted you and I do, but not like before, not like you’re some possession. I want to be with you.”
Swallowing hard I sighed, unsure of what I wanted right now. "I've always...always been someone's possession..." I confessed. It was the truth, from my father and brother I was always a toy, a trinket of some sort to torment and abuse.
There was a long heavy silence and those second thoughts that I'd hidden away were creeping back on me, making me want fo flee. "I-I should...I shouldn't have come...I'm..."
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"I've always...always been someone's possession...”
I thought back to what she told me about her father and how he treated her. “I know that now, pet,” I said softly. “And I’m sorry that I made you feel like one again.” I really was…hell, I wanted to possess her, and I knew a way that I could, for bloody eternity at that…but I wanted her to want it…like I’d wanted it when Dru turned me.
“I-I should...I shouldn't have come...I'm..."
What? Bloody hell I bloke gets lost in thought for all of five seconds and she’d changed her mind again. No way, there was no way this was happening again.
“Well why the bloody hell did you come?” I asked, hoping to hell that she had an answer and not just another fit of indecision. “There must be a reason.”
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I looked down at my hands and sighed, unsure of what I was going to do now, everything was too confusing for me to comprehend at the moment and I just wanted to run and hide. I hated feeling overwhelmed, apparently that upset Spike.
“Well why the bloody hell did you come? There must be a reason.”
Whimpering, I flinched at his tone, knowing he was getting frustrated at my confusion. He wasn't the only one.
Taking a deep breath I got up and started pacing the room, wringing my hands as I spouted out illogical words. "I came because...I..The past week...I don't know what's wrong with me..." I closed my eyes for a moment and wrapped my arms around myself. "The things...you did things...I never...and I begged...I...I mean you kidnapped me...you raped me and now...now I ( ... )
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"When...when I said I wanted to go home...I didn't...I didn't realize that I already was..."
I kept my grip on her shoulders and stared at her in disbelief. What the bloody hell was she saying? And why instead of laughing it her face, was I feeling happier than I had in sodding years?
Before I knew it I was pulling her towards me and kissing her deeply, wrapping my arms around her damp body and pulling her close. God, how I wanted her, but I wanted to get to the bottom of this first; was she staying, or was she just back until she had another attack of the guilts? I needed to know.
I broke the kiss and backed off a little. The picture she made; all swollen lips and big eyes wasn’t something that was easy to break away from, but as I said, I had to know.
“So this mean you’re staying for good then? You want to…want to be with me?”
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“So this mean you’re staying for good then? You want to…want to be with me?”
Slowly I nodded. "Y-yes...that is...that's if you want me..." I tucked my hair behind my ear and walked over to the window and looked out. "Things...they feel wrong when I think about them but...I need to do what feels right and...I know how I feel when I'm with you. Regardless of how wrong it feels. It feels...it feels right to me."
I was babbling and now I was crying. Everything was so messed up and confusing. But I wanted him, that was the most clear thought I had in my mind right now.
"I want to be with you, Spike..."
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“You’re confused,” I said. “You think it feels wrong.” I tapped her head lightly. “But it’s all up here…you think it’s wrong. That’s why it can feel right all at the same time.”
I turned her around and looked at her. I couldn’t believe it…she wanted to stay. Sod Dru, I had Tara now…still don’t know if I was ready to turn her though. Hell, I’d think about it later, right now I needed to know she was serious.
“I need you to prove it, that you want me,” I told her softly. “Take your dress off.”
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Looking into his eyes I saw things that scared me but they pulled me in at the same time, made me hope for more. "I..."
“I need you to prove it, that you want me...Take your dress off.”
I felt my face and neck get hot, making me blink and hold onto his arm before looking back at him. "Bu..." My breath caught in my throat and I knew that I had to own up to what I said. I wanted him, he needs to know that.
Closing my eyes I reached back and started pulling the laces for the dress, letting it fall open before I pulled it off my shoulders. Taking a deep breath I looked up and met his eyes as the dress slid off of me and fell to the floor. "I want you."
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Was gonna use it for something, too.
“Good girl,” I said softly, walking forward slowly and taking in her bare curves as I did. Suddenly feeling tender, I reached up and stroked her cheek softly and smiled before running my hands down her body and cupping her full tits in my palms. The warm weight of them was enough to light a new spark of lust in my gut and I decided suddenly, that she wasn’t done proving she wanted me.
“On your knees, kitten,” I said gently. “Words are nice, but there are other ways your lips can prove it.”
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“On your knees, kitten, words are nice, but there are other ways your lips can prove it.”
A pit of fire ignited in my gut, but without protest I licked my lips and slowly knelt in front of him, looking up at him almost as if he was my god. In a way, he was. He took me from what I knew and gave me what I know.
Tucking my hair behind my ear I leaned forward and tentatively ran my tongue over the length of his shaft. Placing my hands on his thighs I looked up at him as i started to work my tongue and lips over the tip of him, wincing and getting used to the taste on my tongue.
His hands landed in my hair and he pushed me down onto him slowly, my nails dug into his thighs but he kept going, making sure I swallowed him whole and very slowly.
Tears formed before my eyes and started running down my cheeks as I stopped struggling and ran my tongue over him, swallowing against him and feeling pleased when he shuddered.
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