So I Guess I Owe An Explanation...
"You, I hear you're doing fine; Seems like you're doing well; As far as I can tell; Time, is leaving us behind; Another weeks has passed; And still I haven't laughted yet; So tell me what your secret is; To letting go, letting go like you did;
How can you just walk on by; Without one tear in your eye; Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me?; Maybe that's just your way; Of dealing with the pain; Forgetting everything between our rise and fall; Like we never loved at all;
Did you forget the magic?; Did you forget the passion?; And did you ever miss me?; And long to kiss me?"
Long time, no post. I know, I know. I apologize to all those (one) who missed me. But things have been rough (as you probably guessed) since my last post and I think I am finally to the point where I can logically talk about my life without bursting into tears and ruining my keyboard. Although that is no excuse for my posting negligence, but I hope you all will forgive me.
With that said, what's been going on in my life over the past two and so months?
Well, Logan and I are still together despite him calling off the engagement. But it has been a small avalanche since. He said that the only reason he called off the engagement was because it was a mistake to ask me in the first place since he didn't have the money to buy me a ring. He says that he still wants to marry me, but not til he can buy me a ring (Yet I see no effort to save money to do this). I want to believe this explanation, but a red light keeps flashing in my head whenever I think about it.
I'm to the point where I have to decide whether this relationship is really worth fighting for or if I should just admit defeat. So I've got some major decisions to make. I'm ready to move forward with my life and he seems to want to keep it the same. Almost like a fear of committment. Yes, I said it, the "c" word. It seems like he wants to stay on the safe side where he can just walk out with very few reprocusions (sp?).
Maybe I'm just jealous cause all my friends and people I went to high school with are getting engaged/married and I want my turn. I dunno.
Then there's the school part in my life. I'm so burnt. I'm ready to be done. Sometimes I think I should just take my paralegal degree and go get a job, forget this bachelors and law school thing. But then again, I'm so close to finishing my Bachelors that it would be stupid to quit now. Kinda like the person who drops out of High School their junior year. Then there's the law school issue. I DO NOT want to be a lawyer. I really want just to be a judge. Federal court would be nice. But you need that stupid JD thing. I really don't know if I can do it to begin with, much less afford it.
Maybe I just lack support.
So in a nutshell, life isn't too good right now. I'm thankful that it's not any worse.
Feeling this way may be petty and just me being "too dramatic", as I've been accused of in the not too distant past, but it's how I feel.
How can you just walk on by; Without one tear in your eye; Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me?; Maybe that's just your way; Of dealing with the pain; Forgetting everything between our rise and fall; Like we never loved at all;
Did you forget the magic?; Did you forget the passion?; And did you ever miss me?; And long to kiss me?"
Long time, no post. I know, I know. I apologize to all those (one) who missed me. But things have been rough (as you probably guessed) since my last post and I think I am finally to the point where I can logically talk about my life without bursting into tears and ruining my keyboard. Although that is no excuse for my posting negligence, but I hope you all will forgive me.
With that said, what's been going on in my life over the past two and so months?
Well, Logan and I are still together despite him calling off the engagement. But it has been a small avalanche since. He said that the only reason he called off the engagement was because it was a mistake to ask me in the first place since he didn't have the money to buy me a ring. He says that he still wants to marry me, but not til he can buy me a ring (Yet I see no effort to save money to do this). I want to believe this explanation, but a red light keeps flashing in my head whenever I think about it.
I'm to the point where I have to decide whether this relationship is really worth fighting for or if I should just admit defeat. So I've got some major decisions to make. I'm ready to move forward with my life and he seems to want to keep it the same. Almost like a fear of committment. Yes, I said it, the "c" word. It seems like he wants to stay on the safe side where he can just walk out with very few reprocusions (sp?).
Maybe I'm just jealous cause all my friends and people I went to high school with are getting engaged/married and I want my turn. I dunno.
Then there's the school part in my life. I'm so burnt. I'm ready to be done. Sometimes I think I should just take my paralegal degree and go get a job, forget this bachelors and law school thing. But then again, I'm so close to finishing my Bachelors that it would be stupid to quit now. Kinda like the person who drops out of High School their junior year. Then there's the law school issue. I DO NOT want to be a lawyer. I really want just to be a judge. Federal court would be nice. But you need that stupid JD thing. I really don't know if I can do it to begin with, much less afford it.
Maybe I just lack support.
So in a nutshell, life isn't too good right now. I'm thankful that it's not any worse.
Feeling this way may be petty and just me being "too dramatic", as I've been accused of in the not too distant past, but it's how I feel.