LJ Idol Week 21: Hyperbole is Literally Hitler
Indoor recess means my kids play some Rock, Paper, Scissors, Jesus! The rules are simple. Rock beats Scissors. Scissors beats Paper. Paper beats Rock. And when all else fails, pray. Literally. Head bow and all. Because that’s when Jesus comes walking down the hall for the win. The only catch is that they can only call Him twice. Which is disturbing; if Jesus comes twice we’re all in trouble.
A second coming would mean that the world is exploding fiery green tomatoes out of millions of serpents’ noses. Along with an infiltration of seventeen hundred tribulations. I’m shaking in my britches while blaming Barack who’s insane, taking over the world one mediocre health bill at a time. Hawaii my ass, he hails from Hell.
I don’t tell my kids all this; Hell is not part of the curriculum. That in itself is another sign of devastation and destruction. Regardless of which, I always call paper when I play. I figure I’ll need to save my Jesus for 2012.
**Picture Descriptor**
There is a circular diagram drawn in paint of the Rock, Paper, Scissors game showing what beats what via green arrows. The design is so impeccable I may have to sell it to Milton Bradley so they can create a game from it. Either way, above this diagram is a cross with a picture of a cartoony Jesus on it jack-hammering the entire thing. Naturally, Jesus is white.