Another Feb 26th
She was a beautiful girl
She was wild as the wind
On top of the world
Til she fell in love with him
Everyone told her that he was bad news
A boy goin nowhere ain't no good for you
Cause wild ponies are born to run
Don't you no wild ponies
Don't belong to no one
So baby, run
Run
Run away
The first time he hit her
Was right after church
He said he was sorry
But it only got worse
Now she's not the same girl
That she used to be
He's breakin her spirit
He's killing her dreams
Cause wild ponies are born to run
Don't you know wild ponies
Don't belong to know one
So baby, run
Run
Run away
She went out for groceries
Just an ordinary day
She realized she was just a block from the interstate
She set at the stop light
The wheel in her hands
And when the light changed
She knew this was her chance
Wild ponies are born to run
Don't you know wild ponies
Don't belong to no one
Baby, run
Run
Run away
so... today shouldn't bother me... I should be stronger than this. And I am... ten minutes more and this day is over, until next year. Maybe it's scary because I could still be celebrating this day. Some celebration. So much has changed... five years ago if you told me all that would happen... I might have run out of that attic screaming. Or would I listen? Would I be that silly naive girl with stars in her eyes who wouldn't listen to anyone? Maybe I would never be the smart woman I am now if I didn't go through it all. I tell myself no regrets... but good lord... looking back... I don't see the good... I see scary parts... parts where if I stayed... I'd be more damaged than I ended up. Sure there were good parts... but they ended shortly after we started... and we just stayed together... making each other miserable... and getting abused. You know I actually believed no one would ever love me after him? That I was this used, abused, ugly person. Ugly inside and out. I was seriously damaged. Maybe that's why I jumped right in a certain someone's bed... because he told me I was beautiful and told me he loved me. Maybe that's why I kept going back to the both of them... The last time I saw him... I couldn't even look at him... I was shaking so badly... crying... running into the bathroom to get sick... it was one of the most horrifying experiences of my life. To have one person scare you that much... now that's sick. I'm not sad on this day... just... unsettled... scared even... I kept thinking he would pop up somewhere... and that scares the crap out of me.
I know now that he was wrong. Someone else can and will love me again. And not the abusive love I endured for almost four years. Something shared, and special... something that makes you feel good inside... and not just from sex... and I think I've found someone I could fell that with... and everyday... I slip just a bit more... no matter how hard I try to hang on... because this isn't very smart... but sometimes... people higher up than us... have a different plan... I have faith though... because they can see farther down the road... and I don't think they would let me down the wrong path again... and besides... I met the boy in Disney World... if anyone is to meet their real Prince Charming in Disney World... that girl would be me... so here's to crossing fingers... and wishing at 11:11... and letting life play out the way it's planned.