lift you up every time; [for thebigbadex]; COMPLETE

[oncenatalie]

Envy Adams is a hot damn messUnfortunately, that's actually putting it nicely. Ever since Scott Pilgrim waltzed back into her life and headbutted her boyfriend Todd into a pile of coins, she has been absolutely inconsolable. Lynette has long since stopped trying to cheer her up, and has moved onto the next tour stop, leaving Envy to her own devices

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[thebigbadex]

Someone needs to stop ignoring Gideon's phone calls and texts. He's used to it from Ramona, but Envy? That's just not going to fly. Two days was pushing it. A week is going overboard. Never mind the fact that the rest of TCAD's Canadian tour is out the window by this point. And the fact that Pilgrim just keeps getting closer.

Gideon's on his phone again, grabbing for the nearest jacket to pull on. He's already spent most of the day dealing with issues related to the tour cancellations. And he's in an absolute rush to get out the door, leaving behind the site of the newest Chaos Theater in order to set a few more things straight. All this has left him so frazzled - you guessed it - he's going out casual.

"Envy, this is getting to be ridiculous," he hisses, having just been sent to her voicemail box for the millionth time. His seemingly endless amount of patience has been tried. "Pick up your damn phone. I swear to God, when I call again, it better not go to voicemail. If it does? I am over there."

Actually, he's already out the door. His business agenda for the day is now on hold. All thanks to some diva and her bullshit.

[oncenatalie]

But Envy is far from thinking her problems are bullshit. They have consumed her entirely, and nothing else matters except what she's feeling.

Her phone actually died six days ago, but she's far from caring. She used to respond to Gideon's calls in a few hours tops, but now, she's unaware of just how many messages are waiting for her. Her phone's on the nightstand...next to a picture of Envy and Todd after they first got signed. He'd taken her out to an Indian place where they had Vegan Police-approved food, and he told her she was beautiful for the first time. Every time she looks at it, she starts sobbing all over again--and doesn't remember about the phone.

She's wailing pretty badly again by the time Gideon rolls around because there was a commercial for an Italian place offering a chicken parmesan special two minutes ago. (As far as Envy's concerned, Clash at Demonhead will never tour in Italy or sell records there; it was those bastards and their food who killed her Todd.)

It takes a few seconds for her to notice someone's knocking, and she wipes absentmindedly at her face with some tissue before opening the door. She doesn't get everything that's on her face, but she doesn't care. She's an absolute wreck--but her spine goes a little straighter once she sees who's at the door for her.

[thebigbadex]

"Do you have any idea what you're doing?" is what Gideon snaps as soon as the door opens. He hits the end button on his phone (he was in the middle of ringing her cell yet again on his way up) and gestures toward Envy's face with it. "How many times I've tried calling you? Texting you? Just checking to see if you're alive? What the hell is going on, Envy?"

[oncenatalie]

The questions he's asking aren't exactly encouraging. Envy scurries away from him, her hair falling in disarray around her face. She looks shamefully at the floor for a bit, like a child who's just broken something very valuable.

"I-it's Todd," she admits, in a voice hoarse from crying and a diet of nothing but ice cream and the occasional glass of water. Her words are broken up by bouts of heavy breathing as she tries to hold the tears back. "I can't do this without him, Gideon. H-he was my everything, and--and now he's gone."

She sinks to the floor again, and this time, the tears really come loose. Her face scrunches up, her entire body shivers, and she wraps her arms tightly around her stomach, as if she's about to be sick. Gideon's star is falling far out of the atmosphere, and she doesn't even have the strength or the will to carry herself back up.

[thebigbadex]

"He'll be fine," Gideon replies, inviting himself inside and shutting the door behind him. "Coins happen. You did this before Todd was in the band and you can do this now that he's MIA for the meanwhile."

With an exasperated sigh, he slips his phone in his jacket pocket and reaches up to pinch the bridge of his nose. Another day, another Envy-induced headache. To think he'd forgotten to grab the aspirin in his hurry to leave.

"Envy - babe. Don't do this." He takes a few steps closer, looking down at her spot on the carpet. "Do you know how many people you're making unhappy right now? Thousands. They all wanted to see you - and their dreams? Absolutely shattered."

Frowning just a bit, he crouches down in front of her. "Look at me. Sweetheart?"

[oncenatalie]

She continues bawling, especially when Gideon mentions that coins happen. Like it was nothing, something as simple as snow in April. Like Todd was something disposable, or that Scott wasn't to blame for what happened to him.

She isn't moved by the mention of fans, either. If any of them were anything like that annoying Knives Chau girl, she didn't want a damn thing to do with any of them. What point was it having fans if the girls didn't envy her and the boys didn't envy Todd for dating her?

But the soft tone of "sweetheart" gets to her. Todd used to call her that. But instead of crying about it, the way she would have any day before this, she notices a--similarity that she never quite picked up before. It makes her feel safer, provided for, like everything is actually going to be okay.

She looks up at Gideon with wet but somehow hopeful eyes, running fingertips under her eyelashes to wipe away the new mascara trails.

"Yeah?"

[thebigbadex]

The next thing he knows, Gideon's sitting on the floor right by her, fishing out a fresh handkerchief from his pocket and offering it to her. "Wipe your eyes. They're long overdue. Doesn't that make your eyes sting even more?"

He frowns even more so, his eyes taking in her appearance as well as the state of the place. "You look terrible. And I think ice cream needs to be removed from your diet. Do you have any idea how much vocal chord destruction dairy causes?"

Okay. So maybe this is all a little bit harsh. But when you've just lost out on millions due to last-minute tour cancellations and your ex's new boyfriend has only two more obstacles in his way before the final round, you'd be anxious too.

Exhaling, Gideon reaches a hand out to brush strands out of Envy's face and gently tuck them behind her ear. "Oh, sweetheart... c'mon. You are so much stronger than this. I believe in you so much, you have no idea."

[oncenatalie]

She squeaks out a thank you, sniffing a bit as she dries her eyes on the handkerchief. "You learn to ignore it after a while."

She follows his gaze around the room, now suddenly embarrassed. Gideon had this way of making her see things differently, of understanding that how he saw things was the right way. She stares at the carpet again, fingers tightening around the handkerchief. She won't fight back the idea that she looks terrible. She knows she does, especially when she hasn't conditioned her hair in a week.

But she does decide to defend her ice cream habit. Some of her old bite is back in her voice when she speaks, but it's still a shadow of its former self. "I know what it does. I took in water too, and I didn't have a lot of chocolate-based flavors. I wasn't stupid."

Her lips--which haven't seen either lip liner or even Chapstick in quite a few days--start to form a small smile. "You really do?" She'd kill for just a bit of Gideon's confidence right now; before she'd dated Todd, she could have done anything on her own and been fine with it. The way Gideon was despite everything.

"I just wish I did," she said in a voice full of self-pity, though for the first time in a week, she's gone five minutes of being awake without crying.

[thebigbadex]

Tilting his head to the side, he gives her his best pout, hand stroking her hair before resting on the side of her neck.

"Yeah, babe. I really do." He gives her a nod. "You're never this negative. It's worrying me. I understand Todd was your boyfriend and everything - but do you think he'd want to see you like this? Giving up so easily?"

He scoots a bit closer to her, closing the distance between them. His fingertips gently stroke her skin, anything to help soothe her. "You've only got what - three more shows? Four tops? I know you can pull through. Then you can rest and relax and get this out of your system before your solo activities start up. We can do whatever you need us to do for you in between, okay?"

[oncenatalie]

The pout definitely helps, but nowhere near as much as him touching her does. She's missed that kind of contact with people, that skin-to-skin feeling you didn't get when you were busy mourning your coinified boyfriend.

She processes what he says slowly, stunned into silence because everything he's saying is making so much sense to her. It's true that Todd never said die, took on anyone for her, did whatever she needed him to do with just a nod from her. He had been her knight in shining armor--if shining armor was made of cotton T-shirts and knights were psychic.

But Gideon was right. He was always right, but this time he was even more right than usual. Todd did deserve more than that. Todd deserved to see her rocking houses all across the provinces, all for him. It was, of course, the very least she could do.

She thinks, chewing her lower lip. "I guess four shows couldn't be so bad," she admits, leaning against his shoulder, grateful for how warm he feels. "He'd--he'd really want me to keep going. He wanted--to see me win a Grammy." She smiles a bit at the memory of him telling her that: a smile unaccompanied by tears.

She looks up at Gideon and nods, a spark coming back to life in her eyes. "I'll do it. For him, I will."

[thebigbadex]

Gideon smiles. It's genuine. "That's my girl," he sighs, his hand moving to cup her face. "Good girl. Do it for Todd. Do it for me. And all those people out there that adore you." His other arm snakes around her back and rests against her waist, letting her lean in as close to him as she wants.

"You do this - and that Grammy is as good as yours. I promise." It's not like he didn't already have the academy eating out of the palm of his hand. A few phone calls made and a few checks written and anything could be arranged.

"Now. What're we doing today? Lynette's already been at the next stop. And we can get you a replacement bassist for the time being. What do you need in order to get ready? Talk to me, babe."

[oncenatalie]

He knows exactly how to talk to her. She should be worried about this, especially when he's never talked to her like this before. But it's just so nice to know someone's still on her side, that there's someone who can look at her and not just see Envy Adams, the bitchy lead singer of the Clash at Demonhead. But to--almost--see Natalie. Nobody since Todd had been able to, or at least no one worthwhile, since a certain Mr. Pilgrim didn't count.

The mention of the Grammy makes her usual smile come back. It doesn't have quite the same effect without her signature red lipstick, but there's no denying it: Envy Adams is back in business.

She gives him a very affectionate kiss on the cheek, reminding herself to remember how much of a gentleman he was to her. Really, she didn't know what Ramona was complaining about when it came to Gideon. Then again, the stupid girl hadn't been happy with anyone else, so why should the best man in the world be enough to meet her impossible standards?

"I need a diet to get rid of this crap," she notes, pointing derisively at the ice cream cartons, as if she wasn't bawling into them twenty minutes ago. She actually has some semblance of a stomach now, and that just can't happen if she wants to fit in her signature little black dress. "A flush, a wrap, whatever--just as long as it gets me back to my target weight. And I need my stylist here as soon as possible. It's going to take a couple hours, but I'm sure she can fix this mess."

She stares with horror at her cuticles, which have suffered from neglect that can only be seen under a microscope. "I'm glad you came, you know. I can still be salvaged. Another day and I don't know what would have happened."

[thebigbadex]

He tries not to smirk when she kisses his cheek. Giving her a quick kiss on hers in return, he quietly listens and nods in agreement with all of her wishes.

"Another day and it would've been too late, darling. You're welcome." He's picking himself up from the floor, brushing himself off before offering a hand to help Envy to her feet. "I can do all this for you no problem," he comments, retrieving his phone and hitting up his contacts list. "Don't you worry about a thing, okay? ...Yeah - hi. It's me. No, she's okay. The tour's back on - yeah. We need you here stat. Uh huh..."

Completely submerged in one conversation after another with his "people," Gideon takes to wandering around the room in absolute business-mode. Things have to be taken care of.

[oncenatalie]

That kiss is almost enough to get her back to normal all by itself. He really did care about her, she realized. Really, truly. It was the sort of thing you couldn't make up. Or you could, but Envy fancied that she could see right through attempts like that.

She smiles brightly after being helped up, and decides to leave Gideon to his calls. She does, of course, decide to make herself somewhat useful and starts cleaning up the hotel room. She piles ice cream cartons inside each other, clearing the room of about fourteen and making up the bed for the first time in almost too long.

She then disappears into the bathroom to start on some desperately needed pre-maintenance. She tweezes at her eyebrows, brushes her teeth, and starts to comb through all the knots in her hair. While she's doing deadly battle against these pitfalls, Gideon's voice keeps streaming through the entryway into the bathroom, and she's soothed by the sound of him taking care of things. Of him being a savior. Her savior.

Her knight in shining armor.

[thebigbadex]

"Yeah, I know - she's an absolute mess. This is a complete disaster. But - it's salvageable. Uh huh - yeah. You think you can do all that for me? She's gonna need a lot of work..."

He means all this in the best way possible. Really.

"You are amazing. Thaaanks."

And with that, he ends the call, wandering back toward the bathroom to peer in on her. "You doing okay, babe? Just put a few calls in - everything's being taken care of."

[oncenatalie]

She stops her work for a second as his words sink in, the tweezers clattering in the sink. She realizes that she's really screwed things over for him. It's not just the fans who have lost out, but him. She realizes how much money the tour has lost, how much money Gideon's lost. She stares at her reflection, and for the first time in a long time, she's far from happy with what she sees.

She makes a resolution: that she will be, without a doubt, the brightest star in Gideon's collection of bands. She will make this tour work, will work as hard as she can for as long as it takes to make this up to him. Only then will she be happy being Envy again. Only then will she deserve everything he's given her, will give her.

She just retrieves the tweezers from the sink and smiles prettily. If she's going to be the brightest star he's ever seen, she may as well start now. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just trying to help them out a little so I'm not a complete wreck when they get here."

She looks down shyly for a bit and then says, as if she's back in the seventh grade and still Natalie: "I really appreciate this, you know. You doing everything for me. You're really--something else, Gideon."