who's gonna drive you home tonight?

[oncefuturequeen]

I am starving. And I have almost nothing to eat here. Because I have almost no money. Spending almost $100 a month at Borders has finally caught up with me. But it's so worth it. I have probably 3 years of books waiting to be read. They're all over my room, filling my closets, covering my desk. Some are new, some are used, all are waiting for me

Comments

[nolovepoem]

oh, i just read alexa's comment. anyways, i think what she said made a lot of sense, and what you said made a lot of sense.

i think part of my wanting to present as less feminine has to do with wanting to seem stronger. i hate when people assume i'm a pushover, and i want to sound more confident when i speak. in a lot of ways the way i think about the world is toward the "masculine" end of the spectrum. i'm more interested in ethics of "justice" than "care," if that makes any sense, and i often think that the ends justifies the means. i'm taking a religion class that's all women and a philosophy class that's mostly men this semester, and it's really made me think about what type of intellectual discourse i'm comfortable in. but at the same time i really believe in "feminine" ways of getting power through being nice, listening to other people, and doing the work that no one else wants to do. also, i really like dresses and color coordination.

i know i don't see you or talk to you nearly enough, but i really do think that you present as rather feminine. i mean, you aren't a suzie sorority girl, but you're totally a girl. and i guess i think it's interesting that you explain how you would like to be in terms of not being feminine enough, and i wonder if it's about more than just being able to wear eyeshadow and get attention and success?

Reply to both o' yous

[oncefuturequeen]

Alexa, I think the difference is between being feminine and performing feminine. I understand what you mean about being offended by that definition and I meant to convey that I was speaking about performing a very specific, powerful form of performing gender. You are very feminine, definitely, but you don't perform it in the way that I described. Which is powerful in the circle that I run. I know that I am feminine (or a Girl) in the significant ways but I'm more comfortable performing masculine. The disconnect happens when I realize the power that is available through performing feminine is out of reach for me because I don't really know how to perform gender in that way.
And, Sarah, I agree with you about the difference in intellectual discourse. Being a women's studies student and a philosophy student my classes are all predominantly one gender. I feel more challenged by my philosophy classes than my WST classes because of the gender differences (but I also think there are huge flaws in the way we study WST, which is why I'm also not challenged).