Often Goes Love in the Stranger's Guise
i saw a stranger yestreen
i put food in the eating place, drink in the drinking place
music in the listening place
and in the sacred name of the triune
he blessed myself, he blessed my house
he blessed my cattle and my dear ones
and the lark said in her song
often, often goes love in the stranger's guise
often goes love in the stranger's guise
the memory of this song is so unbelievably comforting. i hear corrina's voice singing it when i think of it. wow. corrina, if you're reading this, i love you. choir was such a wonderful part of my life... i think of all of us feeling the subtle emotion of this song, singing from a place where we understood the power of the expression in which we were engaged... how ironic that i remember this song at a point in my life where i am fully convinced that i can trust no one, not even myself. that trust is an illusory comfort that inevitably leads us to betrayal. again, instincts.
more bad things have happened. it's ok now because i've become so accustomed to grieving another thing that's happened that each bad things stacked on top of the others is just kind of like a magnification of all those below it. goodbye to ciao. you motherfuckers have put me in a terrible position and all the suffering i incur as a result is on your hands. i hope you all receive the pain you've caused me back tenfold. if i had my way, ciao would be in the ground tomorrow. i'd take out the waitstaff and leave the chef and manager inside and the restaurant would burn to the ground. i'd feel no remorse or responsibility because i would know that justice had been done. thank god i owe none of you anything and i can move on with my life remembering you for the worthless trash that you all are and always will be. in ten years when i've reached success, i'll think of chef still sweating and raging behind those steel counters, having missed out on a life's worth of opportunities because of his idiocy and sheer incompetence, and laugh. i'm even laughing now. good riddance, you astounding failures.
it was particularly alarming the other day when i was sure that i saw him.... having to stop and let me pull in to a parking lot while waiting for a red light.... in west dearborn at 9 am.... and it could have been someone else entirely, all i saw was a leaning figure, a familiar gesture, the camry gold logo.... i stared, dumbfounded, at the biergarten sign for at least 10 minutes.... i didn't even go to the place i'd come to visit, i just drove back to my apartment in misplaced shock. he does live in the same city i do, he does exist, just not in my world.... but why must there be constant reminders, why can't i kill this pain like i killed his image, his lingering scent, movement, remnants of what never really was, but what i would have killed to bring into being... he's destroyed such a large part of me, while simultaneously installing a bitterness, a hatred, i'll never shrug.... and throughout his miserable life my memory will have no effect on him, i will cease to exist in a few months' time... while i bless and curse him every time i think of this horrible chapter of my life and wonder why what's happened did.
i'm free from the ties that bound me to these memories during the fall. now i can finally bleed them and mourn this concept of innocence to which i was so attached. i have to let myself be, have to cope with being inferior to EVERYONE around me, have to accept this stage in my life as the bottom rung on the ladder... living in the city, the rough city, has given me such an attitude, such a short fuse..... i was shocked today when that woman looked at me wrong and i almost asked her if she had a problem.... that is not how normal people behave, not how mature adults handle disrespect.... no event can justify a violent reaction from an adult. i was so deeply affected by that insight at the seminar on violence against women..... because it's true! normal people aren't violent, they're not crazy like nearly every person i've encountered in dearborn. thank god my escape is in sight.
turn a blind eye, evita, turn a blind eye...
i put food in the eating place, drink in the drinking place
music in the listening place
and in the sacred name of the triune
he blessed myself, he blessed my house
he blessed my cattle and my dear ones
and the lark said in her song
often, often goes love in the stranger's guise
often goes love in the stranger's guise
the memory of this song is so unbelievably comforting. i hear corrina's voice singing it when i think of it. wow. corrina, if you're reading this, i love you. choir was such a wonderful part of my life... i think of all of us feeling the subtle emotion of this song, singing from a place where we understood the power of the expression in which we were engaged... how ironic that i remember this song at a point in my life where i am fully convinced that i can trust no one, not even myself. that trust is an illusory comfort that inevitably leads us to betrayal. again, instincts.
more bad things have happened. it's ok now because i've become so accustomed to grieving another thing that's happened that each bad things stacked on top of the others is just kind of like a magnification of all those below it. goodbye to ciao. you motherfuckers have put me in a terrible position and all the suffering i incur as a result is on your hands. i hope you all receive the pain you've caused me back tenfold. if i had my way, ciao would be in the ground tomorrow. i'd take out the waitstaff and leave the chef and manager inside and the restaurant would burn to the ground. i'd feel no remorse or responsibility because i would know that justice had been done. thank god i owe none of you anything and i can move on with my life remembering you for the worthless trash that you all are and always will be. in ten years when i've reached success, i'll think of chef still sweating and raging behind those steel counters, having missed out on a life's worth of opportunities because of his idiocy and sheer incompetence, and laugh. i'm even laughing now. good riddance, you astounding failures.
it was particularly alarming the other day when i was sure that i saw him.... having to stop and let me pull in to a parking lot while waiting for a red light.... in west dearborn at 9 am.... and it could have been someone else entirely, all i saw was a leaning figure, a familiar gesture, the camry gold logo.... i stared, dumbfounded, at the biergarten sign for at least 10 minutes.... i didn't even go to the place i'd come to visit, i just drove back to my apartment in misplaced shock. he does live in the same city i do, he does exist, just not in my world.... but why must there be constant reminders, why can't i kill this pain like i killed his image, his lingering scent, movement, remnants of what never really was, but what i would have killed to bring into being... he's destroyed such a large part of me, while simultaneously installing a bitterness, a hatred, i'll never shrug.... and throughout his miserable life my memory will have no effect on him, i will cease to exist in a few months' time... while i bless and curse him every time i think of this horrible chapter of my life and wonder why what's happened did.
i'm free from the ties that bound me to these memories during the fall. now i can finally bleed them and mourn this concept of innocence to which i was so attached. i have to let myself be, have to cope with being inferior to EVERYONE around me, have to accept this stage in my life as the bottom rung on the ladder... living in the city, the rough city, has given me such an attitude, such a short fuse..... i was shocked today when that woman looked at me wrong and i almost asked her if she had a problem.... that is not how normal people behave, not how mature adults handle disrespect.... no event can justify a violent reaction from an adult. i was so deeply affected by that insight at the seminar on violence against women..... because it's true! normal people aren't violent, they're not crazy like nearly every person i've encountered in dearborn. thank god my escape is in sight.
turn a blind eye, evita, turn a blind eye...