WARNING: TL;DR about breastfeeding, TMI, etc etc.

[omgrhi]

Okay. I have to get this out, after 11 months of horrible feelings.

Comments

[bohemian__storm]

<3 As someone who isn't a parent and hasn't gone through any of this, I obviously can't fully understand, but I wish you didn't feel guilty over any of this. Each child is so different from the next and what works for one isn't going to work for Charlotte. I know you know this. And anyone who does try to make you feel guilty or ashamed over this isn't worth your time.

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[omgrhi]

Thank you <3 And thank you for reading all of that self-pitying waffle! Idek, I just had to get it out somewhere.

Charlotte's turned out all right so far, anyway, so I'm not worried. But with the whole breastfeeding agenda as it is now I don't know if I'll ever not feel like a complete failure as a "proper" mother. But oh well!

[bohemian__storm]

I think there's way too much pressure put on breastfeeding and I'm not even a mother. It just seems to be everywhere and if it works for you, then that's fine. But if it doesn't, it sure doesn't make you a failure. You've said it yourself, Charlotte is happy and healthier since you stopped, and she's hitting her milestones and growing. You're doing an amazing job. <3

[omgrhi]

That means a lot, thank you. <333333333333333333

[notalwaysweak]

I think you're fantastic for battling on with it as long as you did considering how much you hated it so much. I'm glad the health nurse told you to stop and that you did. Focus on the parts you're proud of. I know there's so much bloody pressure on women to breastfeed, and if anyone gives you shit for not doing it, tell me and I'll fly over and curbstomp them.

[omgrhi]

Tyyyyyy! ♥ And be careful, I might just take you up on that. :D

The pressure is immense. While I respect other women and their decision to breastfeed (even though breastfeeding past 12 months is a little weird to me, IMO, YMMV) I hate that there's so much less respect for women who choose to formula feed. It's like we're Satan's minions or something.

[notalwaysweak]

It's BS. What makes you a proper mother is not only doing the right thing for your baby, but for YOURSELF TOO so that you don't go spare and then be totally unable to be her mum because you're too depressed.

And yeah... IDK where my personal cutoff for breastfeeding will be IF I have a baby and IF I am able to breastfeed without dramaz, but beneficial as the milk may be, if they can ask for boob, that's starting to get a lil' old.

[omgrhi]

Yeah, it creeps me out vaguely. Hell, it creeped me out even when Charlotte was a newborn.

If I'd kept it up I don't know what would have happened, but it wouldn't have been good. I was definitely not bonding with her like I should have been. But it's all good now.

[butterflysteve]

I don't have a kid but to be honest go you for not breastfeeding. It's not for everyone and I hate the way those creepy lactivists? feel like they must push it on people (my cousin had one of those types and she says the best thing she ever did with her two sprogs was NOT breastfeeding. It just wasn't for her and they made her life hell about it.) You tried but breastfeeding obviously wasn't working for you and Charlotte and you made a decision as a mother to do what was best for you and for your daughter. So, I think you should feel proud. <3 <3

[omgrhi]

Thank you! Maybe I will someday. But the breastfeeding agenda here is really strong right now. I don't think I'll be able to get away from it this easy. xD

[omgrhi]

Yeah, I really wanted to breastfeed as long as I COULD, and under the circumstances, I think I did. I could have kept expressing and giving it to her that way, but it was obvious to me once we tried a little formula that my breast milk was not all that great for her. Every baby is different, and putting them all under the umbrella of "breast is best" doesn't always work, unfortunately.

[omgrhi]

Charlotte was definitely happier on formula, once we got the constipation sorted. Yucky. She's weaned now, too, and seems to be able to stomach normal cow's milk quite well, so all of this seems to FINALLY be behind us.

And ahaha, I also like "too posh to push". xD

I'm due to upload a bunch to Facebook soon, just need to find my camera's memory card.

[sheikah]

I cried reading this, actually. I'm not a mother, but the fact that you were made to feel guilty and resentful of Charlotte because of something you're "supposed" to do, that's awful. I wish you'd had the last midwife first because ultimately, since this ended up affecting your relationship with your daughter to some extent, you shouldn't have felt that pressure.

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Go you for being brave enough to post it. I know insanely personal things can be hard.

[omgrhi]

It was really unpleasant. I didn't feel a connection with her at ALL when I was breastfeeding, but everyone kept telling me it would get better and easier and to "keep trying". I felt SO lost and confused, I kept saying "But it doesn't feel right" from the beginning - in hindsight that was definitely me reaching out for some help other than pointless reassurances, but for two months that was all I got. That last health nurse was the best, I'm really sad there aren't more like her, I don't think I'm the only woman to have gone through something like this. I can't imagine how many are out there right now, miserable and hating their kids because of pressure from midwives and such. :/

Thank you for reading! It's something that's been weighing on me for a long time and I only got up the courage to write about it recently. I feel much better, and not just because people aren't like "OMG you are a horrible mother". It's been extremely cathartic just SAYING it. Er...writing it, whichever.

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