Chapter Fifteen
CHAPTER OH EM GEE, ONLY TEN THOUSAND WORDS TO GO! ONLY ONE FIFTH OF THE THING LEFT TO WRITE! EXCITING, NO? ARE YOU EXCITED? I AM EXCITED! I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO A WORLD OF FULL NIGHTS’ SLEEP, AND UKULELE LESSONS. ALL THAT WILL BE MINE IN ONLY TEN. THOUSAND. WORDS.: IN WHICH THERE ARE ONLY TEN THOUSAND WORDS TO GO, WHICH I MUST ADMIT IS PRETTY DARN EXCITING. DO YOU NOT THINK THAT LESS THAN TEN THOUSAND WORDS TO GO NOW IS EXCITING? JUST THINK! THERE ARE NOW LESS THAN TEN THOUSAND WORDS OF THIS STORY FOR YOU TO READ! YOU SHOULD BE OVERJOYED!!!
Between the arguing of the mothers of both Scott the evil robot and Sian the half human, half robot, and the psychotic episode brought on by the GIANT MURRAY COD, the engagement of Sian the half human half robot and Scott the evil robot was called off. And once again, the main priority of Scott the evil robot was to become the All Powerful Overlord of the Planet Earth, and Any Other Planets of Which he May Come to Take Power, and seizing World Domination.
Which, you know, was not all that great for anyone, except for Scott the evil robot. He had a pretty sweet set up going on there. I mean, please! World Domination! He was going to be one lucky evil robot when he got that! Hated by billions, sure, but lucky none the less.
So Sian was experiencing crippling heart break, and the rest of the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! were torn between trying to cheer her up with Three Minute Chocolate Cakes and Tim Tam Slams, and trying to stop Scott the evil robot from taking over the world, becoming the All Powerful Overlord of the Planet Earth, and Any Other Planets of Which he May Come to Take Power, et cetera, et cetera.
They decided - nope, I left the story for a second, for Facebooking purposes, and lost my train of thought. I cannot remember what I thought that they had decided. That is a little upsetting, no? So let me see. Sian the half human, half robot is distraught, and Scott the evil robot is back on his path of becoming the All Powerful Overlord of the Planet Earth, and Any Other Planets of Which he May Come to Take Power. And we have got about nine thousand, five hundred words to go. Hmm. What to write, what to write? I seem to be running out of novelling fuel. QUICK, SOMEONE GET ME MORE NOVELLING FUEL (novelling fuel = tea / coffee / Three Minute Chocolate Cake).
Okie pokie. Oh hey! We have not had a musical interlude in a little while. We should do that. It will be fun, right? Right. Okay.
“Hey, Sian the half human, half robot,” the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! began to sing.
“Do not be so sad…
He was weird and
Smelt of Murray cod anyway…
And also, he is evil…
And wants to take over the world…
Did you really want to be…
Mrs. All Powerful Overlord of the Planet Earth, and Any Other Planets of Which he May Come to Take Power?
Did you really want to be…
Mrs. All Powerful Overlord of the Planet Earth, and Any Other Planets of Which he May Come to Take Power?
“Hey, Sian the half human, half robot…
Do not be so sad…
He was weird and
Was spray painted silver anyway…
And also, he is evil…
And wants to take over the world…
Did you really want to be…
Mrs. All Powerful Overlord of the Planet Earth, and Any Other Planets of Which he May Come to Take Power?
Did you really want to be…
Mrs. All Powerful Overlord of the Planet Earth, and Any Other Planets of Which he May Come to Take Power?
“Hey, Sian the half human, half robot…
Did you really want to be…
Mrs. All Powerful Overlord of the Planet Earth, and Any Other Planets of Which he May Come to Take Power?
Did you really want to be…
Mrs. All Powerful Overlord of the Planet Earth, and Any Other Planets of Which he May Come to Take Power?”
This did not help Sian the half human, half robot. “YES! I DID want to be Mrs. All Powerful Overlord of the Planet Earth, and Any Other Planets of Which he May Come to Take Power!!! THANK YOU for rubbing it in, NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! Thanks a bundle!”
And Sian the half human, half robot stormed off.
“I do not think that we handled that so well,” Andrew the Apple Eater said. “But they were some nice harmonies, guys. Nice harmonies. Good work.”
“Should we… do something?” India asked the rest of the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! minus Sian the half human, half robot, of course, as she had stormed off and was the one who India wanted to know if they should do something about. About whom India wondered if they should do something. Yes. Sian was the one about whom India wondered if they should do something.
“That… that is a good question,” replied Eleanor the Electric. “Perhaps we should. But then again, as our song showed us, maybe we do not know how to help in a way that is actually helpful. Despite our beautiful melodies.”
“You know what?” said Andrew the Apple Eater. “We should start a band. What with our beautiful harmonies. And I think that Lucy the Literate would be quite the talented one, if only she would try taiko drums.”
“What are taiko drums?
Taiko drums; don’t know what they
Are. Enlighten me?” Lucy the Literate asked. Lucy the Literate will not be doing too much talking from now on. Writing haikus takes around about a minute, when words should be flying everywhere, in seconds.
“I will give to you the exact definition, that has been passed down through the generations. It is steeped in tradition. Taiko is the art of japanese drumming. It is way cool!” Andrew the Apple Eater replied, reciting the exact definition he had been told when he asked.
Lucy the Literate did not find this definition to be particularly useful in discovering what taiko drumming was. So she did not pursue a career in taiko drumming, and now that it has been mentioned, it needs never be mentioned ever again. Kthxbai.
“You know what?” India said to the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! (except for Sian the half human, half robot, who was currently still crying her little heart out over Scott the evil robot). “I could really go some pineapple juice right about now. Anyone else really feel like pineapple juice?”
The rest of the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! (even Sian the half human, half robot, even though she was now nowhere near the rest of them, and she had no idea why) did indeed really feel like pineapple juice. So all of the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! (except for Sian the half human, half robot, who would have liked some pineapple juice, but did not know that the rest of them were going for pineapple juice, because she was sobbing, and nursing her broken heart.) went to get pineapple juice. Mm, pineapple juice.
That does not really further the story at all, because I am not going to expand on it. Oh well.
What else to write? What else to write?
What else IS there to write?
Oh deary, deary, deary me.
Perhaps I shall venture on to the National Novel Writing Month Internet web site, and into the dares thread on the forums. That sounds like a good idea.
Nope. They all (all of them. Because I looked at all of them, and not only the first page. Half of the first page.) are running theme ones. That will not help me for my last made dash, eh?!
“Ally?”
Hmm? Are you talking to me? Moi?
“Yes, Ally, Alexandra Laura Hallam, I am talking to you.”
Oh, well, um, hi there, Sian the half human, half robot. What is up?
“Oh, you know, you just had my heart broken. That was not fun. And now you are not even doing anything about it. You are just leaving me here to cry my little tears. Can you please do something about it?”
You know I would, Sian the half human, half robot, but I am just not able to think of anything that can happen!
“Oh. Right. I see. Well, I guess I will be going back to my crying then…”
No! Do not do that! Please do not cry, Sian the half human, half robot! Please do not cry!
“Well what do you expect me to do, A. L. Hallam? Get out my skipping rope and have a little skip around?”
Do you really have a skipping rope, Sian the half human, half robot? That is cool as, if you do!!
“Well, I guess I do,” Sian the half human, half robot replied to me. “You just said I do, so…”
Huh. I guess that you are right. And if I say that this story has fifty thousand words… does that make it true, too?
“No,” replied Sian the half human, half robot. You only have a little fewer than forty one thousand, seven hundred words. You cannot change that without writing more words. Sorry.”
You will be sorry! I replied. Because of that, I am going to take away your skipping rope! What do you have to say about the word count now, eh? Eh?
“I think you should get some sleep,” said Sian the half human, half robot. “Before you completely lose your sanity.”
Too late.
“Um, right. Well… I am very sorry that I am not able to magically make your word count any bigger… but may I please have my skipping rope back?”
I guess. I am not able to remember any skipping songs, or else I would play a skipping song with you. What skipping games did I used to play? Hmm. Was ‘Engine, Engine, Number Nine’ one? How did that go? Was it like, “Engine, engine, number nine… something, something, railway line. If the train goes off the track, will I get my money back?” and then you skip “yes, no, yes, no” until you stuff up?
Except when I was younger, I thought it was “If the train goes off the track, will I get my Mummy back?” Which, you know, was a little terrifying. Because I though the train was going to crash and the mummy would die!!! Horrible, horrible stuff.
I am a wee little bit schleepy. But the more I am able to write tonight, the less I have to write tomorrow. Crazy how that works out, no?
Psht, Rhianna “Widge” Bezzina tried telling me that it was “Engine, engine Number 9 / On the New York Transit Line / If my train goes off the track / Pick it up! / Pick it up! / Pick it up!” but that turns out to be from a Fatman Scoop song. I did not think she was right, the silly one!
Let me let Google do its thing. From what I can tell, it was something like, “Engine, engine, number nine. Coming down the railway line. If the train goes off the track, will I get my money (mummy?) back?”
Mm. Yes. I think I might call it a night, then. At just a little over forty two thousand words. Leaving eight for tomorrow. Oh, happy day.
Between the arguing of the mothers of both Scott the evil robot and Sian the half human, half robot, and the psychotic episode brought on by the GIANT MURRAY COD, the engagement of Sian the half human half robot and Scott the evil robot was called off. And once again, the main priority of Scott the evil robot was to become the All Powerful Overlord of the Planet Earth, and Any Other Planets of Which he May Come to Take Power, and seizing World Domination.
Which, you know, was not all that great for anyone, except for Scott the evil robot. He had a pretty sweet set up going on there. I mean, please! World Domination! He was going to be one lucky evil robot when he got that! Hated by billions, sure, but lucky none the less.
So Sian was experiencing crippling heart break, and the rest of the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! were torn between trying to cheer her up with Three Minute Chocolate Cakes and Tim Tam Slams, and trying to stop Scott the evil robot from taking over the world, becoming the All Powerful Overlord of the Planet Earth, and Any Other Planets of Which he May Come to Take Power, et cetera, et cetera.
They decided - nope, I left the story for a second, for Facebooking purposes, and lost my train of thought. I cannot remember what I thought that they had decided. That is a little upsetting, no? So let me see. Sian the half human, half robot is distraught, and Scott the evil robot is back on his path of becoming the All Powerful Overlord of the Planet Earth, and Any Other Planets of Which he May Come to Take Power. And we have got about nine thousand, five hundred words to go. Hmm. What to write, what to write? I seem to be running out of novelling fuel. QUICK, SOMEONE GET ME MORE NOVELLING FUEL (novelling fuel = tea / coffee / Three Minute Chocolate Cake).
Okie pokie. Oh hey! We have not had a musical interlude in a little while. We should do that. It will be fun, right? Right. Okay.
“Hey, Sian the half human, half robot,” the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! began to sing.
“Do not be so sad…
He was weird and
Smelt of Murray cod anyway…
And also, he is evil…
And wants to take over the world…
Did you really want to be…
Mrs. All Powerful Overlord of the Planet Earth, and Any Other Planets of Which he May Come to Take Power?
Did you really want to be…
Mrs. All Powerful Overlord of the Planet Earth, and Any Other Planets of Which he May Come to Take Power?
“Hey, Sian the half human, half robot…
Do not be so sad…
He was weird and
Was spray painted silver anyway…
And also, he is evil…
And wants to take over the world…
Did you really want to be…
Mrs. All Powerful Overlord of the Planet Earth, and Any Other Planets of Which he May Come to Take Power?
Did you really want to be…
Mrs. All Powerful Overlord of the Planet Earth, and Any Other Planets of Which he May Come to Take Power?
“Hey, Sian the half human, half robot…
Did you really want to be…
Mrs. All Powerful Overlord of the Planet Earth, and Any Other Planets of Which he May Come to Take Power?
Did you really want to be…
Mrs. All Powerful Overlord of the Planet Earth, and Any Other Planets of Which he May Come to Take Power?”
This did not help Sian the half human, half robot. “YES! I DID want to be Mrs. All Powerful Overlord of the Planet Earth, and Any Other Planets of Which he May Come to Take Power!!! THANK YOU for rubbing it in, NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! Thanks a bundle!”
And Sian the half human, half robot stormed off.
“I do not think that we handled that so well,” Andrew the Apple Eater said. “But they were some nice harmonies, guys. Nice harmonies. Good work.”
“Should we… do something?” India asked the rest of the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! minus Sian the half human, half robot, of course, as she had stormed off and was the one who India wanted to know if they should do something about. About whom India wondered if they should do something. Yes. Sian was the one about whom India wondered if they should do something.
“That… that is a good question,” replied Eleanor the Electric. “Perhaps we should. But then again, as our song showed us, maybe we do not know how to help in a way that is actually helpful. Despite our beautiful melodies.”
“You know what?” said Andrew the Apple Eater. “We should start a band. What with our beautiful harmonies. And I think that Lucy the Literate would be quite the talented one, if only she would try taiko drums.”
“What are taiko drums?
Taiko drums; don’t know what they
Are. Enlighten me?” Lucy the Literate asked. Lucy the Literate will not be doing too much talking from now on. Writing haikus takes around about a minute, when words should be flying everywhere, in seconds.
“I will give to you the exact definition, that has been passed down through the generations. It is steeped in tradition. Taiko is the art of japanese drumming. It is way cool!” Andrew the Apple Eater replied, reciting the exact definition he had been told when he asked.
Lucy the Literate did not find this definition to be particularly useful in discovering what taiko drumming was. So she did not pursue a career in taiko drumming, and now that it has been mentioned, it needs never be mentioned ever again. Kthxbai.
“You know what?” India said to the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! (except for Sian the half human, half robot, who was currently still crying her little heart out over Scott the evil robot). “I could really go some pineapple juice right about now. Anyone else really feel like pineapple juice?”
The rest of the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! (even Sian the half human, half robot, even though she was now nowhere near the rest of them, and she had no idea why) did indeed really feel like pineapple juice. So all of the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! (except for Sian the half human, half robot, who would have liked some pineapple juice, but did not know that the rest of them were going for pineapple juice, because she was sobbing, and nursing her broken heart.) went to get pineapple juice. Mm, pineapple juice.
That does not really further the story at all, because I am not going to expand on it. Oh well.
What else to write? What else to write?
What else IS there to write?
Oh deary, deary, deary me.
Perhaps I shall venture on to the National Novel Writing Month Internet web site, and into the dares thread on the forums. That sounds like a good idea.
Nope. They all (all of them. Because I looked at all of them, and not only the first page. Half of the first page.) are running theme ones. That will not help me for my last made dash, eh?!
“Ally?”
Hmm? Are you talking to me? Moi?
“Yes, Ally, Alexandra Laura Hallam, I am talking to you.”
Oh, well, um, hi there, Sian the half human, half robot. What is up?
“Oh, you know, you just had my heart broken. That was not fun. And now you are not even doing anything about it. You are just leaving me here to cry my little tears. Can you please do something about it?”
You know I would, Sian the half human, half robot, but I am just not able to think of anything that can happen!
“Oh. Right. I see. Well, I guess I will be going back to my crying then…”
No! Do not do that! Please do not cry, Sian the half human, half robot! Please do not cry!
“Well what do you expect me to do, A. L. Hallam? Get out my skipping rope and have a little skip around?”
Do you really have a skipping rope, Sian the half human, half robot? That is cool as, if you do!!
“Well, I guess I do,” Sian the half human, half robot replied to me. “You just said I do, so…”
Huh. I guess that you are right. And if I say that this story has fifty thousand words… does that make it true, too?
“No,” replied Sian the half human, half robot. You only have a little fewer than forty one thousand, seven hundred words. You cannot change that without writing more words. Sorry.”
You will be sorry! I replied. Because of that, I am going to take away your skipping rope! What do you have to say about the word count now, eh? Eh?
“I think you should get some sleep,” said Sian the half human, half robot. “Before you completely lose your sanity.”
Too late.
“Um, right. Well… I am very sorry that I am not able to magically make your word count any bigger… but may I please have my skipping rope back?”
I guess. I am not able to remember any skipping songs, or else I would play a skipping song with you. What skipping games did I used to play? Hmm. Was ‘Engine, Engine, Number Nine’ one? How did that go? Was it like, “Engine, engine, number nine… something, something, railway line. If the train goes off the track, will I get my money back?” and then you skip “yes, no, yes, no” until you stuff up?
Except when I was younger, I thought it was “If the train goes off the track, will I get my Mummy back?” Which, you know, was a little terrifying. Because I though the train was going to crash and the mummy would die!!! Horrible, horrible stuff.
I am a wee little bit schleepy. But the more I am able to write tonight, the less I have to write tomorrow. Crazy how that works out, no?
Psht, Rhianna “Widge” Bezzina tried telling me that it was “Engine, engine Number 9 / On the New York Transit Line / If my train goes off the track / Pick it up! / Pick it up! / Pick it up!” but that turns out to be from a Fatman Scoop song. I did not think she was right, the silly one!
Let me let Google do its thing. From what I can tell, it was something like, “Engine, engine, number nine. Coming down the railway line. If the train goes off the track, will I get my money (mummy?) back?”
Mm. Yes. I think I might call it a night, then. At just a little over forty two thousand words. Leaving eight for tomorrow. Oh, happy day.