I appreciate it...but just stop.
Friday night I stayed home and watched tv. Saturday I worked all day on house and yard. Saturday night I went to CBGBs with Johnny. I was bored and then we went to Jade. I was bored. I went home to sleep. I had the option of going out and having "fun" with Johnny, I turned it down. I am really finding that things that brought me some happiness are now making me ill. I have no spark of emotion or life.
Today I was checking my email and saw an email from the "stranger" who posted to my LJ last week. I didn't even read it. I don't care. Just the possibility that it could be HER makes me sick. I physically felt panic and shook when I saw the title. I can't open it or even see who its from. Its fucked up how I am paralyzed by this. I can't deal with this drama. I don't want HER to contact me or email me or LJ me or text me in ANY way! WTF? I will sit in darkness for the next 3 days off work...Ironic that I feel I have no freedom from my own feelings and fears.
Everytime I see her name or email or an object that reminds me of her I get weak. I have to have Abbi out of my mind.
Today I was checking my email and saw an email from the "stranger" who posted to my LJ last week. I didn't even read it. I don't care. Just the possibility that it could be HER makes me sick. I physically felt panic and shook when I saw the title. I can't open it or even see who its from. Its fucked up how I am paralyzed by this. I can't deal with this drama. I don't want HER to contact me or email me or LJ me or text me in ANY way! WTF? I will sit in darkness for the next 3 days off work...Ironic that I feel I have no freedom from my own feelings and fears.
Everytime I see her name or email or an object that reminds me of her I get weak. I have to have Abbi out of my mind.