I'm not even kidding...
When I say this is the best night of my life.
I sat in a class today with a particularly attractive teacher -- with particularly attractive students.
These students (and 99% of them were female) were all bright and enthusiastic and visceral.
And suddenly, rationally, where was I, what, more importantly, WHAT was I? What could I be if not only were my peers BRIGHT, but ATTRACTIVE??!
And so I came home, I bought the wine that I could not have anticipated would be pivotal to THIS experience.
And really what I felt and how I knew would be limited within the scope of the definition of epiphany.
I fell in love with Adam again...
And more importantly I understood and gluttonously re-loved myself.
At some point, and I swear to God I fell on the stairs and climbed the remaining two flights simultaneously being offended by (and yet acknowledging why) this sensation could not be bottled for mass consumption. And then, I thanked God for the fact that I do not have a religion to attribute this sensation, understanding (what my proffessor calls the sublime) to -- and more to the point I cannot thank something outside of myself.
So.
I told my tale of this epic day to everyone that I knew that could listen ( and secretly held my breath in anticipation, waiting -- really -- for them to deflate it. For them to simply state that they knew by saying "I Know" -- and they didn't).
And it's still so fucking epic, so caught up within the subtlety of itself that I couldn't pretend to know how to explain it.
And again, I am listening to John Wayne Gacy Jr. On repeat.
And NO ONE has told me to give it up.
And FUCK -- that's beautiful.
I sat in a class today with a particularly attractive teacher -- with particularly attractive students.
These students (and 99% of them were female) were all bright and enthusiastic and visceral.
And suddenly, rationally, where was I, what, more importantly, WHAT was I? What could I be if not only were my peers BRIGHT, but ATTRACTIVE??!
And so I came home, I bought the wine that I could not have anticipated would be pivotal to THIS experience.
And really what I felt and how I knew would be limited within the scope of the definition of epiphany.
I fell in love with Adam again...
And more importantly I understood and gluttonously re-loved myself.
At some point, and I swear to God I fell on the stairs and climbed the remaining two flights simultaneously being offended by (and yet acknowledging why) this sensation could not be bottled for mass consumption. And then, I thanked God for the fact that I do not have a religion to attribute this sensation, understanding (what my proffessor calls the sublime) to -- and more to the point I cannot thank something outside of myself.
So.
I told my tale of this epic day to everyone that I knew that could listen ( and secretly held my breath in anticipation, waiting -- really -- for them to deflate it. For them to simply state that they knew by saying "I Know" -- and they didn't).
And it's still so fucking epic, so caught up within the subtlety of itself that I couldn't pretend to know how to explain it.
And again, I am listening to John Wayne Gacy Jr. On repeat.
And NO ONE has told me to give it up.
And FUCK -- that's beautiful.