let's play
I've come to the conclusion that I love to pretend.
pretending to not care about other people's feelings (that one is kinda obvious)
pretending I dislike living with Pat (she really is a great woman. slightly annoying, but I could be in such worse situations as the one I am in right now)
pretending that I have a lipring (lol!! yes, I carry a fake one that looks VERY convincing in my car with me. It helps when I need to feel a little different. Plus my mom would murder me if I got a real one)
pretending I have a sister (I love jess, so it works out. :D)
pretending to be a responsible adult (this is turning into a reality and it's FUCKIN FREAKY MAN!)
pretending that I don't care about Becca (she lied so much and hurt me so bad...but I will always love her. it was her personality that made me love Chris. but she's not him. Chris is still dead. **please don't ask about that. it's too complicated and too personal**)
pretending about what happened between Jake and I (I carry so much on my shoulders and heart from our relationship; and will always have issues about trust. Never EVER let a person do to you what he did to me.)
pretending that I am ugly (I know I know I KNOW just shuush and let me rant! I know I'm not ugly. but self esteem will always be an issue with me.)
pretending that I'm not that smart (and then bashing people with my intelligence. fuckin right! haha)
pretending that I'm not a girlie girl (sometimes it's fun to swoon over characters in movies or people in bands. let's go do our hair and paint our nails!)
pretending that I don't like chick flicks (ohh this is a bad one. It's true, most of the time I don't like them, but there's something in every girl that makes her wish for that kiss in the rain or that happy ending where they catch their soulmate, and you know life isn't going to be perfect but pretty damn close.)
and a million other things.
Maybe that's why i love fiction.
Maybe that's why i love writing fiction. I love the "what if"s of the world.
I love pretending, portraying my personality into a character. Maybe that's why I base the main characters off of myself (I know, rather narsissistic -christ i can't spell- of me but who else do I know better?) and how so many of my stories have happy endings. I want that happy ending someday. who dosen't?
mm.
I'm satisfied with my life. as amazingly messed up and confusing and stressful as it is at the moment and for how many times I have been hurt in my life, it's still overall pretty good.
I have a supporting family, my friends are awsome, my ex boyfriend and I are still very close friends, I'm dating TWO very nice boys (yah I know...i'm a fucking slut! hahaha not really. I'm still weighing the two out. damnnnn), I got into the program of my dreams, I'm moving in with amazing people, and at the end of the day I have Patrick to cuddle with and his little stuffed elephant body keeps me warm =)
pretending to not care about other people's feelings (that one is kinda obvious)
pretending I dislike living with Pat (she really is a great woman. slightly annoying, but I could be in such worse situations as the one I am in right now)
pretending that I have a lipring (lol!! yes, I carry a fake one that looks VERY convincing in my car with me. It helps when I need to feel a little different. Plus my mom would murder me if I got a real one)
pretending I have a sister (I love jess, so it works out. :D)
pretending to be a responsible adult (this is turning into a reality and it's FUCKIN FREAKY MAN!)
pretending that I don't care about Becca (she lied so much and hurt me so bad...but I will always love her. it was her personality that made me love Chris. but she's not him. Chris is still dead. **please don't ask about that. it's too complicated and too personal**)
pretending about what happened between Jake and I (I carry so much on my shoulders and heart from our relationship; and will always have issues about trust. Never EVER let a person do to you what he did to me.)
pretending that I am ugly (I know I know I KNOW just shuush and let me rant! I know I'm not ugly. but self esteem will always be an issue with me.)
pretending that I'm not that smart (and then bashing people with my intelligence. fuckin right! haha)
pretending that I'm not a girlie girl (sometimes it's fun to swoon over characters in movies or people in bands. let's go do our hair and paint our nails!)
pretending that I don't like chick flicks (ohh this is a bad one. It's true, most of the time I don't like them, but there's something in every girl that makes her wish for that kiss in the rain or that happy ending where they catch their soulmate, and you know life isn't going to be perfect but pretty damn close.)
and a million other things.
Maybe that's why i love fiction.
Maybe that's why i love writing fiction. I love the "what if"s of the world.
I love pretending, portraying my personality into a character. Maybe that's why I base the main characters off of myself (I know, rather narsissistic -christ i can't spell- of me but who else do I know better?) and how so many of my stories have happy endings. I want that happy ending someday. who dosen't?
mm.
I'm satisfied with my life. as amazingly messed up and confusing and stressful as it is at the moment and for how many times I have been hurt in my life, it's still overall pretty good.
I have a supporting family, my friends are awsome, my ex boyfriend and I are still very close friends, I'm dating TWO very nice boys (yah I know...i'm a fucking slut! hahaha not really. I'm still weighing the two out. damnnnn), I got into the program of my dreams, I'm moving in with amazing people, and at the end of the day I have Patrick to cuddle with and his little stuffed elephant body keeps me warm =)