So long sweet summer... Hello winter!
How do I start? I haven't updated since the beginning of the summer, i.e. eons ago. My summer was incredibly uneventful, as in I didn't jet off to any exotic locale or do any remotely mentionable activity. For the first summer of my entire life, I stayed in Toronto and did nothing. Well, I had a job as a cashier at Ontario Place, but that pretty much amounts to nothing when I balance out the pros and the cons. The hours were horrible and standing for eight hours a day was painful, but the pay was decently above minimum wage, I met some genuinely cool people and I got to see this really delicious muffin. :)
So, that above paragraph (tiny) pretty much summarizes how I spent my summer. Add in random get-togethers with old friends, non-existent quality time with my family since they deserted me for the cottage, time well spent with my second family, great Odd Couple dinners at Java with Eric, wonderful hours with Maddy, goodbyes I didn’t want to say, and… yeah. I spent a lot of time thinking, thinking and thinking. I’m a daydreamer by profession.
After that seemingly endless month-and-a-half, things set into motion. The more I felt ready to leave, the more I wanted to stay. As the days wound down, I felt like everything I was doing was in a dream. (Especially that night at the Ex. Especially that night.) I think that by being upset long before I left, by mourning my losses earlier, I wasn’t upset when I left home. When I left my friends. So, nearly two weeks ago, I moved out of my house. I left my family and many of the people I love the most behind. I miss them very much, but love stretches over long distances. Though it never thins. Yet that doesn't change the fact that it’s extremely difficult to stop seeing the family you've seen every day of your life for nearly eighteen years. Even if you don't always get along. And it doesn't change the fact that you're not going to see the best friends who have supported you through all weather. Even the simple acquaintances who gave you a warm smile in halls of your old high school. It’s hard to adjust to such a new surrounding. I still haven’t. I don’t think I’ll ever fully get used to it, but I’m alright with that. I’m living differently now. And I’m learning so much.
I'm at McGill, one of two-hundred-odd Arts and Science students. The coordinators and advisors of the Arts and Science program explained to us that we were pioneers. Well. Without the 'coonskin hat and cool boots. So, at the "Discover McGill" orientation, the dean said that the two-hundred-odd students in the new ArtSci faculty were the top of their class. Being an ArtSci student is supposed to be a big deal. To be honest, I'm a cheater. I'm only in this program for the recognition. Because I already have twenty university credits transferred to my transcript from my IB diploma, I don't have to take any arts courses. I'm taking Bio, Chem, Physics and Calc. I'm taking these courses because they are the prerequisites for Physiotherapy. Anyway, apparently it's just a big deal to be an ArtSci student because it's difficult to get into the program. But when it comes down to it, I don't feel as if I've accomplished very much by getting into McGill ArtSci or achieving my IB diploma. The entire faculty and even the other students are impressed, although I can't say that I feel the same way. Maybe it's because I'm a perfectionist. I sometimes feel like no matter what I achieve, it's not enough. When the ArtSci kids talk about the AP exams and IB credits, what the exams were like, what the courses covered blah blah blah, I feel as if I don't really belong there because I don't care like they do. I look at some of the students in my program and wonder if they feel the same way. But I would never ask. I can't let them think I'm weak, because they're the competition. McGill: Harvard North. People actually call it that. I started my advanced reading today. I need great marks to get into Physio. Fingers crossed.
But let’s back the trolley up for a momento. I know that the vibe you’re all getting from this entry is a sad one. My LJ is simply the place where I bitch about all of my ponderings. (Also, Adrien asked for an update. So this is for you.) I feel great as of right now, though. It’s true that I’m upset about all the afore-mentioned things. I miss my family and my friends a lot. I miss my house and my community, I miss my old high school and I miss Toronto. I left a lot behind, but I moved ahead- to different things! Living on my own? Another adventure. The daunting pile of dirty dishes on top of my dresser grows every morning, as the pile of laundry does at the end of every day. I live on my own. I can do what I want, when I want. My floormates are great, I have an awesome neighbour and in the span of five days, I’ve learned to walk by guys peeing in urinals unfazed. Even engage in light chit-chat. Go co-ed bathrooms, OK! My friends live within two minutes of my house. I live within walking distance of downtown Montreal. I have the most amazing view of the city from my bedroom/living room/dining room window. I look out that window and think of everything that has yet to happen. So much.
I think this is enough of an update to last me for a good week or so. We’ll see how my first real classes are. We didn’t do any veritable work during the first ones. I just stared into the faceless crowd of six hundred students a lecture and then peed my pants. Haha! It was indeed intimidating. But you know what? University is going to be the experience of a lifetime, I know it. It’s going to be fucking awesome. I can’t wait.
The only thing is, I still think about you all the time.
So, that above paragraph (tiny) pretty much summarizes how I spent my summer. Add in random get-togethers with old friends, non-existent quality time with my family since they deserted me for the cottage, time well spent with my second family, great Odd Couple dinners at Java with Eric, wonderful hours with Maddy, goodbyes I didn’t want to say, and… yeah. I spent a lot of time thinking, thinking and thinking. I’m a daydreamer by profession.
After that seemingly endless month-and-a-half, things set into motion. The more I felt ready to leave, the more I wanted to stay. As the days wound down, I felt like everything I was doing was in a dream. (Especially that night at the Ex. Especially that night.) I think that by being upset long before I left, by mourning my losses earlier, I wasn’t upset when I left home. When I left my friends. So, nearly two weeks ago, I moved out of my house. I left my family and many of the people I love the most behind. I miss them very much, but love stretches over long distances. Though it never thins. Yet that doesn't change the fact that it’s extremely difficult to stop seeing the family you've seen every day of your life for nearly eighteen years. Even if you don't always get along. And it doesn't change the fact that you're not going to see the best friends who have supported you through all weather. Even the simple acquaintances who gave you a warm smile in halls of your old high school. It’s hard to adjust to such a new surrounding. I still haven’t. I don’t think I’ll ever fully get used to it, but I’m alright with that. I’m living differently now. And I’m learning so much.
I'm at McGill, one of two-hundred-odd Arts and Science students. The coordinators and advisors of the Arts and Science program explained to us that we were pioneers. Well. Without the 'coonskin hat and cool boots. So, at the "Discover McGill" orientation, the dean said that the two-hundred-odd students in the new ArtSci faculty were the top of their class. Being an ArtSci student is supposed to be a big deal. To be honest, I'm a cheater. I'm only in this program for the recognition. Because I already have twenty university credits transferred to my transcript from my IB diploma, I don't have to take any arts courses. I'm taking Bio, Chem, Physics and Calc. I'm taking these courses because they are the prerequisites for Physiotherapy. Anyway, apparently it's just a big deal to be an ArtSci student because it's difficult to get into the program. But when it comes down to it, I don't feel as if I've accomplished very much by getting into McGill ArtSci or achieving my IB diploma. The entire faculty and even the other students are impressed, although I can't say that I feel the same way. Maybe it's because I'm a perfectionist. I sometimes feel like no matter what I achieve, it's not enough. When the ArtSci kids talk about the AP exams and IB credits, what the exams were like, what the courses covered blah blah blah, I feel as if I don't really belong there because I don't care like they do. I look at some of the students in my program and wonder if they feel the same way. But I would never ask. I can't let them think I'm weak, because they're the competition. McGill: Harvard North. People actually call it that. I started my advanced reading today. I need great marks to get into Physio. Fingers crossed.
But let’s back the trolley up for a momento. I know that the vibe you’re all getting from this entry is a sad one. My LJ is simply the place where I bitch about all of my ponderings. (Also, Adrien asked for an update. So this is for you.) I feel great as of right now, though. It’s true that I’m upset about all the afore-mentioned things. I miss my family and my friends a lot. I miss my house and my community, I miss my old high school and I miss Toronto. I left a lot behind, but I moved ahead- to different things! Living on my own? Another adventure. The daunting pile of dirty dishes on top of my dresser grows every morning, as the pile of laundry does at the end of every day. I live on my own. I can do what I want, when I want. My floormates are great, I have an awesome neighbour and in the span of five days, I’ve learned to walk by guys peeing in urinals unfazed. Even engage in light chit-chat. Go co-ed bathrooms, OK! My friends live within two minutes of my house. I live within walking distance of downtown Montreal. I have the most amazing view of the city from my bedroom/living room/dining room window. I look out that window and think of everything that has yet to happen. So much.
I think this is enough of an update to last me for a good week or so. We’ll see how my first real classes are. We didn’t do any veritable work during the first ones. I just stared into the faceless crowd of six hundred students a lecture and then peed my pants. Haha! It was indeed intimidating. But you know what? University is going to be the experience of a lifetime, I know it. It’s going to be fucking awesome. I can’t wait.
The only thing is, I still think about you all the time.