I AM NOT A POSTER
I AM NOT A POSTER!
you will not see me tacked to a phone poll, a bedroom wall, a billboard. you will not see me ever, lest you rest your eyes on me more than glancing allows..
I also do not write in this journal .. i just read back and have only posted like three times in 2008. it's now 2009 and i feel.. like nothing. nothing to say, nothing to comment on, i have no right to even try i feel, i feel like.. i feel like this i feel like that.. everyone says that.. nobody ever says "i think" anymore, it's always "i feel like"
for example, "i feel like george bush is an idiot". I was mentioning this to a friend once, she said it's because nobody's got the fucking balls to claim that their outright opinion, is what they're really driving at. Nobody wants to admit that they're thinking, or that they've reached a conclusion of any type, "it's just a feeling!"
Personally, i had thought quite differently, i had thought that it was about our collective worship of feelings and the positively unbalanced importance we put on emotional health, expression, the WEIGHT OF FEELINGS.
I feel sick.. big fucking deal, take a pill.. i feel sad.. OH MY GOD WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU!? HERE IS MY SHOULDER!
Or maybe it's "take a pill if you feel sad, you'll feel better but secretly, we'll pity you"..
Maybe it's none of those things.
but when you write in your journal, or i write in mine, it's about feelings, surely not academic, surely not of any interest to anyone buy myself and those who might feel the same way.
Feelings party!
There should be areas devoted to each particular feeling (mostly just for the potentially debilitating ones) to which the afflicted could go for consolation among peers.. AA can suck it, we need focus groups for particular types of generalized anxiety.. people like me could go find "similarly fucked up and disappointed in their lives but fairly sure they deserve better" parties. We could all meet up at a remote and disgusting bar on Wednesday nights and forgo the shame of depression and wasted youth, forget that we are debt slaves and way to smart to be in the shitty place we've gotten ourselves, get drunk without the shame of being the only alcoholic in the room, and find someone to fuck. We'd wake up the next day feeling disgusting and deny that we ever felt that way and go on with our lives as per usual, but we'd know deep down that next Wednesday would be the night to unclench our guilt and regret, slam down some cheap draft beer and let loose.
god i'm depressing..
i'll write a book one day.. all the idiots will read it and love it.
you will not see me tacked to a phone poll, a bedroom wall, a billboard. you will not see me ever, lest you rest your eyes on me more than glancing allows..
I also do not write in this journal .. i just read back and have only posted like three times in 2008. it's now 2009 and i feel.. like nothing. nothing to say, nothing to comment on, i have no right to even try i feel, i feel like.. i feel like this i feel like that.. everyone says that.. nobody ever says "i think" anymore, it's always "i feel like"
for example, "i feel like george bush is an idiot". I was mentioning this to a friend once, she said it's because nobody's got the fucking balls to claim that their outright opinion, is what they're really driving at. Nobody wants to admit that they're thinking, or that they've reached a conclusion of any type, "it's just a feeling!"
Personally, i had thought quite differently, i had thought that it was about our collective worship of feelings and the positively unbalanced importance we put on emotional health, expression, the WEIGHT OF FEELINGS.
I feel sick.. big fucking deal, take a pill.. i feel sad.. OH MY GOD WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU!? HERE IS MY SHOULDER!
Or maybe it's "take a pill if you feel sad, you'll feel better but secretly, we'll pity you"..
Maybe it's none of those things.
but when you write in your journal, or i write in mine, it's about feelings, surely not academic, surely not of any interest to anyone buy myself and those who might feel the same way.
Feelings party!
There should be areas devoted to each particular feeling (mostly just for the potentially debilitating ones) to which the afflicted could go for consolation among peers.. AA can suck it, we need focus groups for particular types of generalized anxiety.. people like me could go find "similarly fucked up and disappointed in their lives but fairly sure they deserve better" parties. We could all meet up at a remote and disgusting bar on Wednesday nights and forgo the shame of depression and wasted youth, forget that we are debt slaves and way to smart to be in the shitty place we've gotten ourselves, get drunk without the shame of being the only alcoholic in the room, and find someone to fuck. We'd wake up the next day feeling disgusting and deny that we ever felt that way and go on with our lives as per usual, but we'd know deep down that next Wednesday would be the night to unclench our guilt and regret, slam down some cheap draft beer and let loose.
god i'm depressing..
i'll write a book one day.. all the idiots will read it and love it.