Jokes.
Harmonica Gift
Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for Christmas," Little Johnny said to his uncle the first time he saw him after the holidays. "It's the best Christmas present I ever got."
"That's great," smiled his uncle. "Have you learned how to play it yet?"
"Oh, I don't play it," Little Johnny said. "My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night."
One More Shot
A man walks into a bar and orders a shot of tequila. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot of tequila. After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot of tequila. The bartender is curious and askes him "every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why?"
The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home."
Quickie
John and Nancy decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their six-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities. The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plans into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed. "Looks like the Smiths have company," he called out, "Matt riding a new bike and the Sanders are having sex." Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked. "Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.
Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for Christmas," Little Johnny said to his uncle the first time he saw him after the holidays. "It's the best Christmas present I ever got."
"That's great," smiled his uncle. "Have you learned how to play it yet?"
"Oh, I don't play it," Little Johnny said. "My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night."
One More Shot
A man walks into a bar and orders a shot of tequila. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot of tequila. After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot of tequila. The bartender is curious and askes him "every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why?"
The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home."
Quickie
John and Nancy decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their six-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities. The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plans into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed. "Looks like the Smiths have company," he called out, "Matt riding a new bike and the Sanders are having sex." Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked. "Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.