8 more days...
My worst nightmare may come true. I dont mind taking the lumps in life for things I do wrong, but taking lumps for trying to do the right thing is just infuriation. People ask me how I stay so calm and under control during this, the worst year of my life. To tell the truth I don't know anymore. I have been trying to pull strength from the support that the people who care about and trust me give. But I think Im starting to see some cracks forming on the surface. I think Ive done a pretty good job of keeping certain aspects of my personality that I NEVER voluntarily want to let out, under control. But history shows that during times of high stress that part of me sometimes slips out and it always ruins something. Example include, the downfall of my past relationships with Hope, The horrible things I said to Marcie which drove an insurmountable wedge between us for 6 years now (Hopefully that will change soon I really miss her friendship), The nastiness last year that crushed my relationship with Adrienne and damaged countless friendships (thankfully through hard work on both our parts Adrienne and I have been able to remain best friends and she has become one of the few people right now that I can truly count on AND Christi was able to find it in her heart to give me a second chance, I dont know what I would do without her in my life right now.) I dont have much right now and what I do have I dont want to lose. But my pent up frustrations and anger are scaring the hell out of me right now. I just hope to god Im strong enough to continue handling this.