(no subject)
Chicago:
After hours of planning and anti-planning, i ride home with michelle, get my mom to drive me to the airport, wait for the train, parents yelling at children, children tuning out (thankfully), darkness and cold and frailty creeping in, sick and tired, long, painful sighs, starting to wonder if i should have stayed home.
Tuck myself away in the farthest back window seat of the train, read, doze and listen to music. See a kid with a ball state shirt but don’t feel like talking. Every song reminds me of another time and place. Don’t know how or why i ended up here. Can’t stay awake long enough to construct a coherent thought. Need more sleep. Everyday.
Get off the train and realize i can hardly talk anymore. Whatever. I’m here. Joe is waiting outside. The city’s above us, we go upstairs. The lakefront is gorgeous. We walk around looking for Katie but she’s already gone. Sean calls. he and carly are on their way back from a Robert plant show. We go back underground to board the l, it’s all a dark void until a million faces fly by. We take the train, walk three blocks to the sean/carly complex, meet the roommates nora and addie, josh mills shows up, he and i walk to seven eleven, he gets a six pack and i get a donut. Walking back some guy who doesn't even look homeless yells “hey! Can i get a donut?” josh says, “yeah! at seven eleven!” we get back sit and drink and talk and play stupid songs and give each other little presents.
I sleep on a couch, wake up with a note from carly next to me. Says she got called in to work at the bean, gives directions. I sit in the living room reading until addie gets up and asks if i want to go visit everyone, i say yes. My voice is still practically gone, people give me tea and food, carly looks like a mom, everyone tells me depaul students are snobs, i agree. addie and i go to the bookstore, then back to the apt until something.
Joe and i take the train to Loyola, we walk around, it feels like a real college campus as opposed to a few buildings in the middle of the city. We go to the chapel, we stand in the middle and look out towards the back, the lake, framed by the balcony and pipe organ and doors, it’s the most picturesque thing i’ve seen in a long time, i wish i could read latin. We sit out on some sort of stone or marble landing and look at the lake and talk about ambitions and non-ambitions and where we want to go and want we want to see. we stop at a star buck’s, a bookstore, we walk along the beach to a park, i wade in and feel amazing, like i have a million dumb youthful ambitions that are ok because they come from a place that’s good and pure, we look at the graffiti art stuff along the walls and try to interpret it. We get lost in a neighborhood that’s lost in the eighties, walk past some bumming scam “don’t give him the money! He’s trying to get off junk! Give it to me! I’ll buy him a sammich!” make it back, eat in the dining hall, stop back at joe’s head back to the train, at no point do i know where we are or which way we’re going or which door to use and i like it.
Back at sean’s sometime, want to visit millennium park, bryan lewis joe p. (not joe d.), jeff blime, two girls named steph and Emily show up. Later i realize i met Emily once at zach spirito’s. we go to a house show/fundraiser for a women’s organization or something, bryan and joe p. play a few songs, i jump in on some sort of glockenspiel thing for a couple, we don’t sound very good, other acts play, there’s a masseuse, there’s a “tap dance” act (two girls wearing strap-ons), joe d and i talk to a guy who says he’s from Elkhart and recently wrote a play that was performed somewhere in Goshen. It’s about a man and the woman he killed. Somewhere in the midst of all this, my calf starts to hurt like a bitch, i get pissed off and take five or six aleve.
We go back the apt, eight of us ride in sean’s car and we end up at a party in a recording studio that josh mills works at. Linda strawberry from billy corgan’s band and some guy from fall out boy are there. I talk to everybody, avoid snobs, play ping pong/foosball, my leg starts to feel better, we look out the windows, joe and i sit at the bar, i eat old cake, an older lady sits next to us, wants a beer, i find her one, says she’s from la, yadda yadda, “what’s goin on” by marvin gaye comes on, i tell her that i have to dance with my friends for a minute, she leaves, we dance and act stupid, on and on, then everyone leaves to do their own thing and we get kicked out, two older guys corner addie and tell her she’s sexy and ask her if she has a boyfriend or something, sean points it out to me, i walk over to try to interrupt (yeah right, like i knew what the fuck i was doing), sean tells me she’s smart, let her go, the guys soon leave.
We get outside but jeff and joe p. are nowhere to be found. Eventually they come out some other door, joe p. practically has to be carried out to the car. There are eight of us again, we try to go to wendy’s (the restaurant) but it doesn’t work, we get back to the apt to find Erick simpson and someone we don’t know asleep or trying to sleep in the living room, josh comes in after a bit, Erick has to get up early and says something like, “i think people should shut up so we can sleep” josh and joe p get pissed and start talking about punching Erick in the throat, joe p gets up and walks over to Erick, addie and i yell at joe p, eventually he lies back down. Everyone passes out except for josh and sean and me, we sit on the patio, they talk a lot, i talk a little, they go inside, i sit out by myself for a long time, sean yells at me to come in, we exchange some idiotic hostile words, i sit awhile longer, around 5:30 i come in and hug sean and then join the mass of bodies on the living room floor.
Alarm goes off at 7:30, joe d has to work at eight, he doesn’t budge, i get up and turn it off and tell him to go to work, then we both go back to sleep. Addie comes out around 8:20 to help me get back to the southshore station and wakes joe d up, we exchange hugs and the like, i get my shit together, i wake carly up to say bye, everyone else is still dead. addie and i walk/take the l, my leg really starts to hurt, but my voice is coming back a little more. We get to the southshore station, she waits till the train boards then leaves, i find the same sort of spot i did on the ride up, this time i sleep the whole way.
I wake up in south bend, my calf is swollen to shit, i wait for the beast to pick me up, she brings a surprise (Jackson), we go to ihop in Mishawaka, i order the classic cheddar and bacon omelet instead of the new swiss tomato shit. Also i just realized i’m listening to “hey Chicago” by low. We sit and color, i get home and feel like a bastard for not getting a hold of Kayla or mat, but it’s 3:30 and michelle needs to come at 4:30. i ask her if i can borrow her crutches (again). I hate my body. Christa gives me a new copy of the dharma bums that evan miller bought for me complete with new foreword (by evan miller) michelle picks me up and later i realize i’ve left the beast’s crayon-written letter to aaron at home and i feel even shittier. Michelle and i talk until the interstate and it’s good, then i sleep till we get off at the Muncie exit.
So shit. I think i’ll just go to bed. Because the lack of sleep is the only thing i can think of to blame for my lack of wellbeing. Health center in the morning. Antibiotics, and, with my luck, another six weeks off my feet. At least the weekend was amazing. thanks to you and you and you.
After hours of planning and anti-planning, i ride home with michelle, get my mom to drive me to the airport, wait for the train, parents yelling at children, children tuning out (thankfully), darkness and cold and frailty creeping in, sick and tired, long, painful sighs, starting to wonder if i should have stayed home.
Tuck myself away in the farthest back window seat of the train, read, doze and listen to music. See a kid with a ball state shirt but don’t feel like talking. Every song reminds me of another time and place. Don’t know how or why i ended up here. Can’t stay awake long enough to construct a coherent thought. Need more sleep. Everyday.
Get off the train and realize i can hardly talk anymore. Whatever. I’m here. Joe is waiting outside. The city’s above us, we go upstairs. The lakefront is gorgeous. We walk around looking for Katie but she’s already gone. Sean calls. he and carly are on their way back from a Robert plant show. We go back underground to board the l, it’s all a dark void until a million faces fly by. We take the train, walk three blocks to the sean/carly complex, meet the roommates nora and addie, josh mills shows up, he and i walk to seven eleven, he gets a six pack and i get a donut. Walking back some guy who doesn't even look homeless yells “hey! Can i get a donut?” josh says, “yeah! at seven eleven!” we get back sit and drink and talk and play stupid songs and give each other little presents.
I sleep on a couch, wake up with a note from carly next to me. Says she got called in to work at the bean, gives directions. I sit in the living room reading until addie gets up and asks if i want to go visit everyone, i say yes. My voice is still practically gone, people give me tea and food, carly looks like a mom, everyone tells me depaul students are snobs, i agree. addie and i go to the bookstore, then back to the apt until something.
Joe and i take the train to Loyola, we walk around, it feels like a real college campus as opposed to a few buildings in the middle of the city. We go to the chapel, we stand in the middle and look out towards the back, the lake, framed by the balcony and pipe organ and doors, it’s the most picturesque thing i’ve seen in a long time, i wish i could read latin. We sit out on some sort of stone or marble landing and look at the lake and talk about ambitions and non-ambitions and where we want to go and want we want to see. we stop at a star buck’s, a bookstore, we walk along the beach to a park, i wade in and feel amazing, like i have a million dumb youthful ambitions that are ok because they come from a place that’s good and pure, we look at the graffiti art stuff along the walls and try to interpret it. We get lost in a neighborhood that’s lost in the eighties, walk past some bumming scam “don’t give him the money! He’s trying to get off junk! Give it to me! I’ll buy him a sammich!” make it back, eat in the dining hall, stop back at joe’s head back to the train, at no point do i know where we are or which way we’re going or which door to use and i like it.
Back at sean’s sometime, want to visit millennium park, bryan lewis joe p. (not joe d.), jeff blime, two girls named steph and Emily show up. Later i realize i met Emily once at zach spirito’s. we go to a house show/fundraiser for a women’s organization or something, bryan and joe p. play a few songs, i jump in on some sort of glockenspiel thing for a couple, we don’t sound very good, other acts play, there’s a masseuse, there’s a “tap dance” act (two girls wearing strap-ons), joe d and i talk to a guy who says he’s from Elkhart and recently wrote a play that was performed somewhere in Goshen. It’s about a man and the woman he killed. Somewhere in the midst of all this, my calf starts to hurt like a bitch, i get pissed off and take five or six aleve.
We go back the apt, eight of us ride in sean’s car and we end up at a party in a recording studio that josh mills works at. Linda strawberry from billy corgan’s band and some guy from fall out boy are there. I talk to everybody, avoid snobs, play ping pong/foosball, my leg starts to feel better, we look out the windows, joe and i sit at the bar, i eat old cake, an older lady sits next to us, wants a beer, i find her one, says she’s from la, yadda yadda, “what’s goin on” by marvin gaye comes on, i tell her that i have to dance with my friends for a minute, she leaves, we dance and act stupid, on and on, then everyone leaves to do their own thing and we get kicked out, two older guys corner addie and tell her she’s sexy and ask her if she has a boyfriend or something, sean points it out to me, i walk over to try to interrupt (yeah right, like i knew what the fuck i was doing), sean tells me she’s smart, let her go, the guys soon leave.
We get outside but jeff and joe p. are nowhere to be found. Eventually they come out some other door, joe p. practically has to be carried out to the car. There are eight of us again, we try to go to wendy’s (the restaurant) but it doesn’t work, we get back to the apt to find Erick simpson and someone we don’t know asleep or trying to sleep in the living room, josh comes in after a bit, Erick has to get up early and says something like, “i think people should shut up so we can sleep” josh and joe p get pissed and start talking about punching Erick in the throat, joe p gets up and walks over to Erick, addie and i yell at joe p, eventually he lies back down. Everyone passes out except for josh and sean and me, we sit on the patio, they talk a lot, i talk a little, they go inside, i sit out by myself for a long time, sean yells at me to come in, we exchange some idiotic hostile words, i sit awhile longer, around 5:30 i come in and hug sean and then join the mass of bodies on the living room floor.
Alarm goes off at 7:30, joe d has to work at eight, he doesn’t budge, i get up and turn it off and tell him to go to work, then we both go back to sleep. Addie comes out around 8:20 to help me get back to the southshore station and wakes joe d up, we exchange hugs and the like, i get my shit together, i wake carly up to say bye, everyone else is still dead. addie and i walk/take the l, my leg really starts to hurt, but my voice is coming back a little more. We get to the southshore station, she waits till the train boards then leaves, i find the same sort of spot i did on the ride up, this time i sleep the whole way.
I wake up in south bend, my calf is swollen to shit, i wait for the beast to pick me up, she brings a surprise (Jackson), we go to ihop in Mishawaka, i order the classic cheddar and bacon omelet instead of the new swiss tomato shit. Also i just realized i’m listening to “hey Chicago” by low. We sit and color, i get home and feel like a bastard for not getting a hold of Kayla or mat, but it’s 3:30 and michelle needs to come at 4:30. i ask her if i can borrow her crutches (again). I hate my body. Christa gives me a new copy of the dharma bums that evan miller bought for me complete with new foreword (by evan miller) michelle picks me up and later i realize i’ve left the beast’s crayon-written letter to aaron at home and i feel even shittier. Michelle and i talk until the interstate and it’s good, then i sleep till we get off at the Muncie exit.
So shit. I think i’ll just go to bed. Because the lack of sleep is the only thing i can think of to blame for my lack of wellbeing. Health center in the morning. Antibiotics, and, with my luck, another six weeks off my feet. At least the weekend was amazing. thanks to you and you and you.