Several funnies to share [SFW humor]
BRAIN TRANSPLANT
In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room,where a family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.
'I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news,' he said as he surveyed the worried faces. 'The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant.
It's an experimental procedure, very risky, but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the BRAIN.
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a time, someone asked, 'How much will a brain cost?'
The doctor quickly responded, '$5,000 for a male brain; $200 for a female brain.'
The moment turned awkward.
Some of the men actually had to'try' to not smile, avoiding eye contact with the women.
A man unable to control his curiosity, finally blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, 'Why is the male brain so much more than a female brain?'
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, 'It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to price the female brains a lot lower because they've been used.'
SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH, AND TO ANY MAN WHOM YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT!
The Amish and the Elevator
An Amish boy and his parents were visiting a mall. While the mother looked for cotton fabric for a new apron, the father and son stood around, amazed by almost everything they saw. They were especially amazed by two, shiny silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is that, father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is."
"Could it be a time machine?" asked the boy. “I heard about this movie picture show where people leave the earth in shiny vehicles.”
"Praise the Lord", said the father. "There sure are miraculous things in the city."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled
between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch until the last number was reached, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally, the walls opened again and a gorgeous 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Go get your mother."
The last one for today(I think):
From one of my author-lists:
One of the ladies who emails me is so incredibly funny. She shares the best stories with me. I got another one from her today. Man, someday I really need to meet her husband.
Since you seemed to appreciate Bill's rather odd sense of humor, I wanted to share with you another funny/embarrassing moment in living with my husband. As background you need to know that we live in a rather rustic log cabin in the mountains of Western North Carolina. The closest towns are Etowah and Horseshoe if that gives you an idea about how far out in the sticks we live. There are other cabins in the area but we aren't sitting on top of each other.
I have a dear 85 year old neighbor, Sally, who lives just up the mountain from us. Her son and family were visiting from New Jersey this week and she has been consumed for weeks with doing everything she could to be sure this visit would be perfect. Last night they were having drinks outside on her deck. It was a beautiful evening so our windows were open and as I was sitting in our bedroom reading I could hear in the distance their soft conversation and an occasional laugh. All of a sudden I heard my husband yelling/bellowing from our living room, " Dammit Indy, don't kiss me! I know where that tongue has been; you just came from licking your brother's ass again."
All sounds of conversation from Sally's stopped.
I am unsure whether to go to Sally's and explain that Indy and his brother are two of our cats or just leave it as an interesting story for her family to share about their vacation to the backwoods of North Carolina.
In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room,where a family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.
'I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news,' he said as he surveyed the worried faces. 'The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant.
It's an experimental procedure, very risky, but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the BRAIN.
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a time, someone asked, 'How much will a brain cost?'
The doctor quickly responded, '$5,000 for a male brain; $200 for a female brain.'
The moment turned awkward.
Some of the men actually had to'try' to not smile, avoiding eye contact with the women.
A man unable to control his curiosity, finally blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, 'Why is the male brain so much more than a female brain?'
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, 'It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to price the female brains a lot lower because they've been used.'
SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH, AND TO ANY MAN WHOM YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT!
The Amish and the Elevator
An Amish boy and his parents were visiting a mall. While the mother looked for cotton fabric for a new apron, the father and son stood around, amazed by almost everything they saw. They were especially amazed by two, shiny silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is that, father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is."
"Could it be a time machine?" asked the boy. “I heard about this movie picture show where people leave the earth in shiny vehicles.”
"Praise the Lord", said the father. "There sure are miraculous things in the city."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled
between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch until the last number was reached, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally, the walls opened again and a gorgeous 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Go get your mother."
The last one for today(I think):
From one of my author-lists:
One of the ladies who emails me is so incredibly funny. She shares the best stories with me. I got another one from her today. Man, someday I really need to meet her husband.
Since you seemed to appreciate Bill's rather odd sense of humor, I wanted to share with you another funny/embarrassing moment in living with my husband. As background you need to know that we live in a rather rustic log cabin in the mountains of Western North Carolina. The closest towns are Etowah and Horseshoe if that gives you an idea about how far out in the sticks we live. There are other cabins in the area but we aren't sitting on top of each other.
I have a dear 85 year old neighbor, Sally, who lives just up the mountain from us. Her son and family were visiting from New Jersey this week and she has been consumed for weeks with doing everything she could to be sure this visit would be perfect. Last night they were having drinks outside on her deck. It was a beautiful evening so our windows were open and as I was sitting in our bedroom reading I could hear in the distance their soft conversation and an occasional laugh. All of a sudden I heard my husband yelling/bellowing from our living room, " Dammit Indy, don't kiss me! I know where that tongue has been; you just came from licking your brother's ass again."
All sounds of conversation from Sally's stopped.
I am unsure whether to go to Sally's and explain that Indy and his brother are two of our cats or just leave it as an interesting story for her family to share about their vacation to the backwoods of North Carolina.