five oh
I've known she was 49 and that her birthday was coming up. My dad was telling my sister and I ages ago we should do something nice for her. I knew that my mom was turning 50 today; it didn't really hit me though until last night, when I was desperately trying to think of something to get her because my standard gift of a card and flowers didn't seem enough. Like... wtf, my mom is 50. That's fucking amazing and awesome (and so scary, too). I am always so worried about growing older. I forget my parents are growing older, too.
We had a [kind of big] party for her. Because I'm such a hermit and a real depressive one at that, I kept thinking all my mom would want to do today is be alone and contemplate the meaning of being 50 (or whatever, because that's what I've done every birthday since 16) and so a party would be just stupid. My dad told me that people should celebrate and share their birthday (as in, not hole up in a room or drive around alone god knows where like I do) and of course, I was giving him the "bullshit" face (because I am perpetually a hapless teenager), but later on, after my mom had blown out her birthday candle (a 0) and everyone was just really happy and cheering and singing, my dad came over to me and said "that's why" and it made sense.