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Well. I'm at 146, which makes me happy, but I'm also miserable at the same time. I can't seem to come to a final decision between my pills and breastfeeding, and today is a bad pill day thanks to no sleep. Just like after my first baby. I'm mad that I'm here again. I promised myself I never would be.
I should be breastfeeding my new baby, and the guilt I feel for not doing it is crippling. But I also long to feel like "myself" on my pills.
I suck at adjusting to life after pregnancy. Who am I supposed to be as a new mom? Am I allowed to be my "old self" at all? Or is that not okay? I also feel guilty if I hangout with friends. Maybe it's too soon? Maybe I don't have to completely let my old self go, but I should wait to be that person? I think I sit home, and think too much.
Bleck. I saw this as being a really long post, but I'm too exhausted for that.
Since this is my "weight loss" journal, I'll keep it at that.
146. Yay. My pre pregnancy weight is just around the corner. Then I can focus on my goal weight.
Still can't pull up some of my jeans and underwear.
Still look giant from the back.
I need to sleep for a week straight.
I should be breastfeeding my new baby, and the guilt I feel for not doing it is crippling. But I also long to feel like "myself" on my pills.
I suck at adjusting to life after pregnancy. Who am I supposed to be as a new mom? Am I allowed to be my "old self" at all? Or is that not okay? I also feel guilty if I hangout with friends. Maybe it's too soon? Maybe I don't have to completely let my old self go, but I should wait to be that person? I think I sit home, and think too much.
Bleck. I saw this as being a really long post, but I'm too exhausted for that.
Since this is my "weight loss" journal, I'll keep it at that.
146. Yay. My pre pregnancy weight is just around the corner. Then I can focus on my goal weight.
Still can't pull up some of my jeans and underwear.
Still look giant from the back.
I need to sleep for a week straight.