not!btr ][ we could have had it all
{Need to write SOMETHING. This kinda mirrors the current angsty-subconscious week plot going down in BtR. If not on hiatus, I hadn't really planned on putting Parker through the plot herself so much as being around for people, but...yeah. The decision is moot right now anyway. Now I'm just in a funk and want to be mean, so...we'll see how this works. I'm taking slight liberties with canon stuff, don't sue me. This is not a part of the post. I am not here. There is no spoon. Or man behind the curtain.}
She's in Grant Park right by the big fountain the first time hears it. The soft, unmistakable ding-ding of a bike's bell. Something cold runs up her back and she stops suddenly. A feeling comes over her that she doesn't understand, and while that isn't new, this feeling is. There's a faint memory of the feeling that makes her hate it right away.
She turns slowly towards the sound, and he's there. A little boy on a bike. The bike is broken and bent, just like the boy's body. His face is raw, rubbed far too harshly by pavement.
Parker would gasp, but she can't. She just steps back as her heart starts to hammer in her chest.
"You shouldn't have taught me to ride," he says.
And she turns. And she runs.
As fast as Parker is, even she can't outrun this. That noise keeps sounding over her shoulder, that ding-ding, and she knows if she looks back he'll be there.
"You were a bad teacher. It was your fault."
And they're not just words, she feels it. For days she feels the guilt, the sadness, and the fear that she has been carrying around her entire life. The things she tries to bury away so deep so that they aren't even there. It's better that way. Easier. She prefers to have too little emotion over too much. Maybe she is stunted when it comes to that, or maybe she makes everyone think that way and hides them, it's hard to remember anymore.
She doesn't need that bike chime in her ear, or the little boys words, to tell her what she already feels. It's her fault. She taught him to ride the bike, and she wasn't close enough to save him when the car hit.
Parker had a brother once, and it's her own fault that she doesn't anymore.
Ding-ding.
The sound seems louder and louder as the days go by, and she tries to hide in her room, but he finds her there. She wants to tell him he can't have his bike in her room, she wants to beg him to go away, but she can't speak to him. And he's still there.
"You couldn't take care of me, and you can't take care of yourself."
And then finally she's back in Grant Park, in her favorite tree. She can't run anymore, because she's too sad. Too guilt-ridden. And he's below her, circling the tree on his bike.
Ding-ding
"If you hadn't let me die I could have been your family. You wouldn't have been so weird. It's your fault that you're alone and there's no one to love you."
She climbs a bit higher in the tree and finds that perfect crook where she can reach her arm out and lay her head to it, and she closes her eyes tightly, wishing for him to just go away. Her whole life she's only wanted him alive again, to know him again, and now she just wants him to go away.
Ding-ding
"Do you like my bike? Will you race me?"
The tears are hot on her face, but she won't speak to him. She can't. She shakes her head again and again.
Ding-ding
"I'm the only person in the whole wide world who would have loved you and taken care of you. You know it's true. It doesn't matter what any of those other people say, they're not your family. They just pretend to understand you, and they pretend to love you, but they don't. You're just a freak."
"I'm not a freak," she murmurs to herself. "I'm not a freak, I'm not a freak, I'm not-"
Ding-ding
"I'm the only one who could love you, and you let me die."
Her words stop coming, and she just lays quietly in the crook of her tree, her eyes squeezing shut so tightly that it hurts. She will not open them though, not for anything. She doesn't want to see what she did anymore. Her hands come up over her ears and press there tightly, but she can still hear him inside her head.
"You're going to be alone forever now."
Ding-ding
Ding-ding
Ding-ding...
698
She's in Grant Park right by the big fountain the first time hears it. The soft, unmistakable ding-ding of a bike's bell. Something cold runs up her back and she stops suddenly. A feeling comes over her that she doesn't understand, and while that isn't new, this feeling is. There's a faint memory of the feeling that makes her hate it right away.
She turns slowly towards the sound, and he's there. A little boy on a bike. The bike is broken and bent, just like the boy's body. His face is raw, rubbed far too harshly by pavement.
Parker would gasp, but she can't. She just steps back as her heart starts to hammer in her chest.
"You shouldn't have taught me to ride," he says.
And she turns. And she runs.
As fast as Parker is, even she can't outrun this. That noise keeps sounding over her shoulder, that ding-ding, and she knows if she looks back he'll be there.
"You were a bad teacher. It was your fault."
And they're not just words, she feels it. For days she feels the guilt, the sadness, and the fear that she has been carrying around her entire life. The things she tries to bury away so deep so that they aren't even there. It's better that way. Easier. She prefers to have too little emotion over too much. Maybe she is stunted when it comes to that, or maybe she makes everyone think that way and hides them, it's hard to remember anymore.
She doesn't need that bike chime in her ear, or the little boys words, to tell her what she already feels. It's her fault. She taught him to ride the bike, and she wasn't close enough to save him when the car hit.
Parker had a brother once, and it's her own fault that she doesn't anymore.
Ding-ding.
The sound seems louder and louder as the days go by, and she tries to hide in her room, but he finds her there. She wants to tell him he can't have his bike in her room, she wants to beg him to go away, but she can't speak to him. And he's still there.
"You couldn't take care of me, and you can't take care of yourself."
And then finally she's back in Grant Park, in her favorite tree. She can't run anymore, because she's too sad. Too guilt-ridden. And he's below her, circling the tree on his bike.
Ding-ding
"If you hadn't let me die I could have been your family. You wouldn't have been so weird. It's your fault that you're alone and there's no one to love you."
She climbs a bit higher in the tree and finds that perfect crook where she can reach her arm out and lay her head to it, and she closes her eyes tightly, wishing for him to just go away. Her whole life she's only wanted him alive again, to know him again, and now she just wants him to go away.
Ding-ding
"Do you like my bike? Will you race me?"
The tears are hot on her face, but she won't speak to him. She can't. She shakes her head again and again.
Ding-ding
"I'm the only person in the whole wide world who would have loved you and taken care of you. You know it's true. It doesn't matter what any of those other people say, they're not your family. They just pretend to understand you, and they pretend to love you, but they don't. You're just a freak."
"I'm not a freak," she murmurs to herself. "I'm not a freak, I'm not a freak, I'm not-"
Ding-ding
"I'm the only one who could love you, and you let me die."
Her words stop coming, and she just lays quietly in the crook of her tree, her eyes squeezing shut so tightly that it hurts. She will not open them though, not for anything. She doesn't want to see what she did anymore. Her hands come up over her ears and press there tightly, but she can still hear him inside her head.
"You're going to be alone forever now."
Ding-ding
Ding-ding
Ding-ding...
698