(no subject)

[ohsevenatenine]

i feel fake, and hallow, and i want someone to punch me in the face just so i know i can still feel. apathy is a bitch. i want to climb a fucking mountain, and scream until i have no voice. i miss feeling alive, and i miss adventure, although i'm not sure it ever really exsisted. i hate to bitch about something like being bored, but for the life of me i can't figure out how to fix it. i want to go somewhere new, and make new friends, and see new places. this place is getting old, and i'm so tired of it. i'm tired of peoples houses, and watching tv, and laying in bed. im tired of riding my bike in circles like it's some noble duty. I'm seriously considering getting a job, although I don't see that adding any joy to my life, but at least i'd be occupied. maybe i'll make a friend or two that i can hang out with. that'd be nice. i'd love to have a new face around, a new personality, new thoughts, and ideas. I feel like my brain is completely dead. and i don't want to smoke just to have something to do anymore. i wish my creativity would click in. i can't wait for college, i hope i get into the one i want. i've got to get my act together nownownownow. i want to go to a concert, where the music is so amazing, and fun, you can't help but dance like an asshole. i'm tired of being unaffected by things. i miss being nervous, and excited, anxious. i miss butterflies. i miss swimming in the lake fully clothed. why the fuck is there no spontaneity in my life anymore. i want to get drunk, and talk to everyone i see. i want to learn how to cook. i want to throw the party of all parties (but not a gay one) i want everyone to be nice to eachother, and i want to sit down on a sunday evening, look back at my week, and smile exhaustedly from having so much fun. i think i used to live like that, and now i'm not so sure.

blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
tomorrow is a new day, and the begining of a new week, and i'm going to try to make things better than they are now.