where is september?

Sep 15, 2005 23:56

all is well, but im sleepless once again. school is going surprisingly well, and now i remember why i ditched out in the first place. the people in my nazi holocaust class are fucking morons. i dont blame them completely. its not ALL their fault. its merely the world they grew up in, and the lack of everyday knowledge is now a BIG disadvantage.

half the class had no idea that jesus was jewish....

i fear that my children will know more than i by the time they are 10. what a world we live in ... simply awful.

there has been a truce between me and the boys who live next door. things still arent the same, and i want to keep them that way. im enjoying my distance, and i need it to continue in order for things to roll smoothly. anthony doesnt agree and would rather me not take the risk of them walking all over me, and i can understand, but i would much rather live in peace than with tension with people who live so close

i have been baby-sitting for jessica since school started, and i must say, im pleased that i have something to do after classes. the children are dear, and for the most part controllable, but when they get on a roll with something there is NO letting down. its like a fucking storm. the worst part is getting them to do their homework. i dont want to push them too hard, because i remember how hard my father was on me when i was a kid, and it caused damage in my ability to trust someone when im at a disadvantage. true, the only way to get a stubborn kid to do something is by force, but i cant always find the guts to do it. i remind myself of my father, and it kills me.
i had the same problems when i was a kid, and i can recall the feelings clearly. not being able to spell, or ever write the letters correctly i cant yell at them for that...

i honestly never want kids of my own, cause i dont want to be someones parent. aunt perhaps, cause thats part time (if i want it to be), but a full time mothering is out of the question. i dont like to take care of needing things. i dont like it when people rely on me... i dont need it. i need me and my partner, and im fine.


p.s. there has been a pot drout all over brooklyn. anyone know of any news?
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