My ex and I moved into an apt together, we both signed the lease. Two years later we break up somewhat unexpectantly and he decides to move to a different state, takes a few things but leaves the rest (furniture, computer parts, exercise equipment, assorted clutter, etc.) for me to deal with because he was a lazy SOB. I had to move to my own (cheaper) place and spent weeks getting rid of and selling the stuff Salvation Army refused to take. I was young and naive and stupid. I'll probably stay single the rest of my life, but in the rare event I meet someone and we get serious... I don't know how I feel about living with anyone I'm in a relationship with again.
There was a ton of emotional abuse and neglect before then.
On the one hand, I don't want one asshole to keep you from trusting future partners. But on the other hand, my grandmother was very happy having a long term committed relationship but never moving in with her partner. He asked her to marry him and she was like nah, let's just keep things the way they are (specifically because she wanted to keep living by herself). What I learned from that was you don't need to be married or cohabitate if you don't want to!
The societal expectation is that once you find a partner, you're supposed to live together but I think a lot of couples would be happier if they had their own spaces. Think of how much less people would fight or passive aggressively grumble about the other person's habits or get aggravated about having to clean up after the other person if they just had their own spaces. That way, the messy person can be messy and the neat person can be neat. You each get to stay at your ideal comfort level.
couple weeks late but, i've been with my bf for 9 years. If I moved in with him, I'd lose my disability and in the event anything happened (and I mean anything bc life is a bitch full of surprises) and I wound up on my own again, I'd be fucked. So I still live on my own despite my high care needs. Thankfully we're both adults and he completely understands and doesn't take it personally. He moved to be down the road from me so he's close by if I need help
That's really sweet of him! I guess if I met someone if he was the right person for me hopefully he'd understand if I wanted to live separately. I feel like most guys wouldn't though.
Yeah I'm really lucky to have him. I'd been in an abusive relationship for 8 years (this was a decade ago and I'm still unpacking aspects of it and unpicking the scar tissue). I had sworn off ever partnering up again literally two days before we met up IRL after connecting on OKCupid. Neither of us thought anything romantic was going to come of it but we got along really well and were expecting a fruitful friendship. But life, uh, finds a way haha
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There was a ton of emotional abuse and neglect before then.
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On the one hand, I don't want one asshole to keep you from trusting future partners. But on the other hand, my grandmother was very happy having a long term committed relationship but never moving in with her partner. He asked her to marry him and she was like nah, let's just keep things the way they are (specifically because she wanted to keep living by herself). What I learned from that was you don't need to be married or cohabitate if you don't want to!
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The societal expectation is that once you find a partner, you're supposed to live together but I think a lot of couples would be happier if they had their own spaces. Think of how much less people would fight or passive aggressively grumble about the other person's habits or get aggravated about having to clean up after the other person if they just had their own spaces. That way, the messy person can be messy and the neat person can be neat. You each get to stay at your ideal comfort level.
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