ohnokripkedidnt sing-along blog fest!
In light of the crazy and wonderful shenanigans going on at Joss Whedon's Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, we here at ohnokripkedidnt bow down to the awesome and offer our own meager... offering. (Good with the words, yes.): the Dr. Singer Sing-Along Blog Fest at ONKD!
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HELL
Crossroads Demon
Job Type: Full time
Location: Level 5
Job Category: Human Recruiter
Number of Positions: 1
Salary: Priceless
Company URL: www.hell.com
Posted: July 17, 2008
HELL, according to many religious beliefs, is a location in the afterlife, which may or may not be described as a place of suffering.
Our Level 5 Human Recruitment Department has an opening for an organized and professional Crossroads Demon (CD) that is adaptable to multiple requirements of the role, be able to work independently and within a team environment.
Mandate:
The CD is assigned to specific humans and is responsible for the successful ownership on behalf of HELL, of said human's soul and general administrative requirements specific to the human's needs/specialty in which their soul was exchange for.
Crossroad Demon Requirements:
Roles and Responsibilities include (but not limited to):
* Providing direct administrative support to Senior Managers and respective professional staff as a member of the Human Recruitment team
* Preparation of financial expenses and related documents using Caseview or Word up to and including the finished product. (We do not care if you had to buy a room at the local flea bag motel so you could get Dean Winchester into your porverbial pants. THIS DOES NOT COUNT AS A WORK EXPENSE).
* Composing and editing correspondence as required, internal only. (DO not contact humans once their soul has been acquired. This will be result in automatic discharge from HELL to that OTHER place.)
* Preparation of proposals, reports and such about possible human recruitment.
* Quality control regarding visual presentation of host bodies. Sexually appealing bodies are allowed, especially in certain cases. (See Case 248 - DW or Case 278 - SW. Bodies of an unspecified age are only to be used for Chad Michael Murray, R. Kelly, and Roman Polanski.)
* Prepare human invoices/credit notes. (ALL credit notes must be cleared by SENIOR management before processed)
* Prepare client account analysis/summaries as requested by TOP management. (Please skimp on the fucking details, we just need to know specifics - ie HOW MANY YEARS)
* DO NOT liaise with human unless absolutely necessary;
* Assistance to other admin. staff team members as required;
* May be member of Death & Disease Committee, UnSocial Committee, and other internal committees.
* DO NOT GET YOURSELF FUCKING KILLED.
Qualifications & Behavioral Competencies
* Able to work under pressure and meet deadlines;
* Ability to work independently and as part of a team;
* Must have excellent interpersonal skills;
* Creative problem solving skills;
* Proven ability to work within a confidential environment;
* Must be well organized and have the ability to multi-task;
* Must be flexible in work hours and in taking on duties;
Notes:
Because this is a internal posting I'm just going to cut through all the fucking bullshit. You all know the job and what it entails, and I know at least THREE of you that are just salivating over the opportunity. However, do to the extremely bad cases of luck this department has been having over the past few years, access to the Winchesters is now RESTRICTED and will only be dealt with by SENIOR level positions.
Resumes are to be on my desk by 7:45pm - July 25, 2008
- L
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Hey, my birthday is on the 25th. Does that give me a leg up on the job? 'Cause I'd really like Sam's and/or Dean's soul as a birthday present.
*submits CV in triplicate*
*exorcises all competition*
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