not totally eating related....
I'm not doing well as of today. well it started yesterday too... my mood lately has been horrendous. Feelings of hurting myself have come back.
I can't help but feel like a tub of lard. that is why i am not eating anything else today. besides the rice cake i had for breakfast.
I jut want to put it out there. that I'm not giving up on my eating habits jsut yet. Sometimes though I hate the sruggle of it all. and obsession. I mean if i didn't have my ed i would feel a lot more happy. its so lameto be upset over messing up on my intake for te day.
The thing is everytime I go through something horrible and when i look in the mirror i see a little chubby girl.
disgusting.
I think this point in my life i'm at a standstill. I'm waiting for a doctors reply. This is maybe the scaredest I have been in a while.
A while back in 2004 i had my first gyno visit and my pap results came back abnormal. i didnt end up following up. until october when i went to my doc she asked me whens the last tiem i had a pap. and i told her and she was very stern i get one.
so results came back and i have severe cervical displayia. I went for a biopsy on friday and the lady that did it said i would need a LEEP test done, cause teh cells weren't just in the cervix. She mentioned cancer. and "so, do you have any questions you want to ask me?" I just looked bewlidered and shook my head "no..."
I guess one step at a time is the right thing.
on another note it is snowing out.
<3
I can't help but feel like a tub of lard. that is why i am not eating anything else today. besides the rice cake i had for breakfast.
I jut want to put it out there. that I'm not giving up on my eating habits jsut yet. Sometimes though I hate the sruggle of it all. and obsession. I mean if i didn't have my ed i would feel a lot more happy. its so lameto be upset over messing up on my intake for te day.
The thing is everytime I go through something horrible and when i look in the mirror i see a little chubby girl.
disgusting.
I think this point in my life i'm at a standstill. I'm waiting for a doctors reply. This is maybe the scaredest I have been in a while.
A while back in 2004 i had my first gyno visit and my pap results came back abnormal. i didnt end up following up. until october when i went to my doc she asked me whens the last tiem i had a pap. and i told her and she was very stern i get one.
so results came back and i have severe cervical displayia. I went for a biopsy on friday and the lady that did it said i would need a LEEP test done, cause teh cells weren't just in the cervix. She mentioned cancer. and "so, do you have any questions you want to ask me?" I just looked bewlidered and shook my head "no..."
I guess one step at a time is the right thing.
on another note it is snowing out.
<3