Jan 11, 2009 12:42
I've probably already expressed how much I detest white skies, but it's really getting to me recently. It has been so long since I have seen an actual color to the sky, during the day anyway. It's blinding, painful.. And really it just makes me feel lonely somehow. Makes everything feel gigantic, spacious.. A blank canvas. Untouched and unnecessary. Sometimes I wish my astrological sign didn't fit so fucking perfectly. Nothing is perfect, but that. Is pretty fucking close. Any definition, rendition of pisces has almost entirely described me perfectly- and though I definitely don't believe (fully) in any of it, it bothers me that somewhere someone has me completely figured out; regardless of how unintentional and unknowingly they did it.
I feel lost. And though for once I don't feel indecisive, I think that this is perhaps one of those times I definitely should be. Words aren't coming to me as easily as they usually do, and a lot of it has to do with a fear of using them again. I'm a little disgusted with myself for allowing someone to devastate the value of things I once so highly regarded, and I can only hope that in time it will pass; though I know that other things in a similar nature from at least 12 years ago never fully dissipated so I have my doubts. I wish there was more security. Or that other people would at least offer that to me, however, for now it's probably unobtainable, and silly to ask for. And now we wait.
Who knew where Montmartre ended and Echo Park began? Each colored the other, like watercolors, bleeding.