(no subject)
i've been in desperate need of new people in my life, and new friends. i need a refreshment, &i need people in my life who actually give honest input &feedback. As of right now, my relationships with others have been scattered and are falling apart one by one, now barely hanging on by threads..&i don't even know why. it feels as if i just woke up one day to this nightmare. i guess i've subconsciously let it all go. i've started to look for a job again, because i've finally realized that money is the only thing that makes the world go 'round. &i've gotten over my bad experience with my previous employment, kind of. i just need to start saving money or else i'll never get to college.
So, three day weekend. it will be filled with college essays and other scholarship &grant things. Hopefully i can get through all of them. On Saturday my boyfriend is taking me to dinner and a show in hollywood to celebrate our one year; i hope that will be fun. Things seem to be so different lately though. i think it's me. i want to start working out soon, because my sister gave me her gym pass. Even though it ends at the end of december, i still want to see what i can acheive in two months. Probably not much, because i'm lazy &embarrassed about working out in front of a bunch of people. A gym membership just seemed like such a good idea. i can't mediate my eating habits. i either eat too much or don't eat enough, &i'm so sick of trying to be moderate. how could something so simple be so complicated? i guess you could say that about everything.
School's demanding and lame as usual. The weather's cooling down, it's always cold. I can never be warm anymore. My eyes are tired, &probably bloodshot from the catharsis i experienced yesterday, those are oh so fun. i don't want to be this anymore. i don't want to be this empty, blank, nothingness. but it's like i can't be anything else, no matter what i do...
So, three day weekend. it will be filled with college essays and other scholarship &grant things. Hopefully i can get through all of them. On Saturday my boyfriend is taking me to dinner and a show in hollywood to celebrate our one year; i hope that will be fun. Things seem to be so different lately though. i think it's me. i want to start working out soon, because my sister gave me her gym pass. Even though it ends at the end of december, i still want to see what i can acheive in two months. Probably not much, because i'm lazy &embarrassed about working out in front of a bunch of people. A gym membership just seemed like such a good idea. i can't mediate my eating habits. i either eat too much or don't eat enough, &i'm so sick of trying to be moderate. how could something so simple be so complicated? i guess you could say that about everything.
School's demanding and lame as usual. The weather's cooling down, it's always cold. I can never be warm anymore. My eyes are tired, &probably bloodshot from the catharsis i experienced yesterday, those are oh so fun. i don't want to be this anymore. i don't want to be this empty, blank, nothingness. but it's like i can't be anything else, no matter what i do...