(no subject)
welp. here we are. here I am. sitting her on the couch once more with this computer on my lap. something i find myself doing often. I sometimes long for the times when I was liberated from modern technology, but I guess during those times I was still stuck to the couch only instead staring at the tv and endless hours of family guy. there once was a time when family guy was all I did. or watched rather. I can still quote the hell out of some family guy. I don't know if this makes me cool or not but I at least I have somewhat good memory skills. Ah work. I don't know if I like this job. I find myself feeling very "what did I get myself into" while I'm at work. I miss driving five minutes to work and knowing how to do my job to the point where I felt valuable. Now i have to think extremely hard. It takes me a while to finish setting things. and I don't necessarily know how to answer peoples questions. Granted what I do, do, looks good. I don't know. my frontal lobe is sore. and I have to spend SO much money on gas. and tomorrow i go to school and work for the first time with this schedule and I don't know how i feel about it. I already get so little sleep as it is and am so exhausted all the time. All I want to do when I get home is sit here. my apartment is starting to look a little like a bomb went off inside. but no one really comes over here anyway. I'm not saying that to sound all "aww woe is Jennifer" I guess I'm just too busy for a life. too busy...what does that mean? I'm a little confused about things. I guess because of the work situation. I hope it will start becoming easier for me. I'm driving to dallas on thursday for training. hopefully that will help me. Our display artist wants me to draw up what I want him to built on the walls for tomorrow. I have our proto type pictures and some graph paper so I will try my best. I've never had to just design stuff as my job. It's cool cause it's from me but at the same time...so much pressure. I ate like crap this past weekend. lots of fast food. too much beer. and now i'm bloated and feeling fat. not eating really isnt an option for me. as soon as I'm done with this entry i'm going to force myself to go to the gym. I had lost a bunch of weight there for a second and then I decided to go on a beer binge for 2 weeks and have been paying for it ever since and that was in the beginning of february. It is really weird how sensitive my body has become in my older age. Sensitive to what I eat and exercise. I seriously could gain 10 lbs in a week easy. or lose a few. depending on what I do. It's weird. Last night I went to the grocery store after I got back from little rock and there was this guy that I had never seen before that didn't look like he was from here. I guess you live somewhere long enough you get to know "the people" in a city. Anyway as I was driving home I saw him walking with his groceries down the street. Then I knew he really wasn't from here because no one walks anywhere and especially not at night. So i pulled over and offered him a ride. Not in a hey baby get in the car kind of way but as a "you obviously aren't from here, can i help you out" kind of way. Everyone i told this story to thinks I'm crazy and that I'm lucky he wasn't an axe murderer. but i think i have a pretty good feel on situations, intuition if you will. Anyway he got in the car and I took him to the house he was staying at not even a mile down the street. Turns out he's from new york and he's in town for 3 weeks working at the rodeo (one of those pull people around on bikes thing). He offered for me to come over to "smoke or drink" (no thanks) sometime and said I was his hero and went on his way. I felt satisfied that I had helped someone out. I am trying to listen to what life tells me I should do even if it is out of the normal of what I think i should do or thought I should do. Then at least I have fun stories to write about in my livejournal. I am pretty happy about some things. I am happy about potential romance. It really is as simple as that. I can't really describe how I feel. It is somewhat out of character of myself to be feeling this way about this situation. but I think something happened to me, I changed, or it's just right. I can't explain. The way I feel is the 3rd bowl of porridge.."just right". for once I can say i am satisfied. I am patient. I am optimistic. I am ok with how things are because I know they will only get better. and if things change it's because something even better is out there. and that is hard for me to imagine right now due to the situation. I think i have started a very good and important chapter in my life. I feel like a new, different person and I am thankful for that chance. It's crazy to think about. to look back on your life. your decisions. I don't feel dreadfully lonely anymore. p.s. its spring break for almost everyone around here (minus me cause mine was last week) and I saw a lot of what looked like 15 yr olds standing outside my store smoking today. AND my foot keeps cramping up. thats all.