Quick boob rant (yes, I know I have a lot of these type of rants)
I can't help but get a little envious when I read other young trans women who take hormones and experience the whole "constantly sore boobs". I never have experienced that like many of these women talk about, and I will admit it makes me feel like I was a little cheated a bit on my transition experience. Makes me feel less like a woman in a way. I know there is more to transition than the physical change, but it was something I spent years of research on. I wondered to myself when my chest would get that constantly sore feeling. The way many seem to know if their boobs are growing some.
Alas, I never experienced that feeling that I recall. Sure, I would have an hour or two of soreness in my chest maybe once every couple of months to a few times a year since I started hormones (more so in the last year). I keep making these rants about how disappointed I am in the lack of differences and change in my physical transition. They just eat at me. It kind of makes me feel like I may as well never have taken the hormones at all and just grew out my hair and lose the weight.
I put on a blue-gray camou top that I kind of liked yesterday and had some pre-formed foam cups for your breasts to rest in. The large sized version of the top fit me best, but I looked a little weird in it because my boobs did not properly fill the cups so it looked very fake on me by the slope on my chest.
I was thinking recently since it appears that hormones may not change anything, I may need to consider to start saving up for surgeries like breast augmentation. It is not like I want to get huge breasts because I don't want to have a lot of sagging, back problems, and I do exercise too. I would like to have larger breasts that match my body size and proportions. I still get gendered as a male at times when I wear androgynous clothing. I feel like one of the only reasons that my breasts are noticeable to others and I get me gendered as female is when I wear a bra or a form fitting top like my tank tops. That is one reason why I wear tank tops, they make my breasts noticeable and appear larger than they really are (in my opinion).
I am not sure what I can do to get over this feeling of disappointment and dislike for my own body anymore. I will continue to bide my time (like I usually seem to do for most of my issues) and try to internalize them until hopefully something changes.
P.S. I know that I am sounding like a broken record with my body issues. I guess it helps to write about my issues here because it seems difficult to discuss them anymore with others even though I would like to more. The problem is that I do not know if this really accomplishes anything either.
Alas, I never experienced that feeling that I recall. Sure, I would have an hour or two of soreness in my chest maybe once every couple of months to a few times a year since I started hormones (more so in the last year). I keep making these rants about how disappointed I am in the lack of differences and change in my physical transition. They just eat at me. It kind of makes me feel like I may as well never have taken the hormones at all and just grew out my hair and lose the weight.
I put on a blue-gray camou top that I kind of liked yesterday and had some pre-formed foam cups for your breasts to rest in. The large sized version of the top fit me best, but I looked a little weird in it because my boobs did not properly fill the cups so it looked very fake on me by the slope on my chest.
I was thinking recently since it appears that hormones may not change anything, I may need to consider to start saving up for surgeries like breast augmentation. It is not like I want to get huge breasts because I don't want to have a lot of sagging, back problems, and I do exercise too. I would like to have larger breasts that match my body size and proportions. I still get gendered as a male at times when I wear androgynous clothing. I feel like one of the only reasons that my breasts are noticeable to others and I get me gendered as female is when I wear a bra or a form fitting top like my tank tops. That is one reason why I wear tank tops, they make my breasts noticeable and appear larger than they really are (in my opinion).
I am not sure what I can do to get over this feeling of disappointment and dislike for my own body anymore. I will continue to bide my time (like I usually seem to do for most of my issues) and try to internalize them until hopefully something changes.
P.S. I know that I am sounding like a broken record with my body issues. I guess it helps to write about my issues here because it seems difficult to discuss them anymore with others even though I would like to more. The problem is that I do not know if this really accomplishes anything either.